Author Topic: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...  (Read 26475 times)

The Showstoppa

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #100 on: June 08, 2012, 08:18:07 AM »
Tad is awesome.

Wanna bet the dates name was Rico?

gracie bjj

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #101 on: June 08, 2012, 08:35:58 AM »
You killed the thread, bro.  That is some disgusting shit.  Did pedro coderch write that?  One must fight to the death.  Fight to the death.  Gross.

i posted on wrong thread, ill delete it
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BIG ACH

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #102 on: June 08, 2012, 08:39:46 AM »

Definitely killed the thread! 


PS.  Makes me never want to do anything bad in my life that could result in me going to prison!

gracie bjj

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #103 on: June 08, 2012, 08:42:45 AM »
this is what i wanted to post


Enlarge

Common chimpanzee in the Leipzig Zoo. Image credit: Thomas Lersch, via Wikipedia.

(PhysOrg.com) -- A lot of people who have gone to the zoo have become the targets of feces thrown by apes or monkeys, and left no doubt wondering about the so-called intellectual capacity of a beast that would resort to such foul play. Now however, researchers studying such behavior have come to the conclusion that throwing feces, or any object really, is actually a sign of high ordered behavior. Bill Hopkins of Emory University and his colleagues have been studying the whole process behind throwing and the impact it has on brain development, and have published their results in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B.



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Hopkins and his team have focused their research on chimpanzees, mainly due they say, to the fact that chimps are our closet living relative and that they are the only other species besides humans that regularly throw things with a clear target in mind. He and his team have been watching chimps in action for several years and comparing their actions with scans of their brains to see if there were any correlations between those chimps that threw a lot, and those that didn’t or whether they’re accuracy held any deeper meaning. Surprisingly, they found that chimps that both threw more and were more likely to hit their targets showed heightened development in the motor cortex, and more connections between it and the Broca’s area, which they say is an important part of speech in humans. The better chimp throwers, in other words, had more highly developed left brain hemispheres, which is also, non-coincidently, where speech processing occurs in people.
 
Such findings led the term to suggest that the ability to throw is, or was, a precursor to speech development in human beings.
 
After making their discovery regarding the parts of the brain that appear to be involved in better throwing in chimps, the team tested the chimps and found that those that could throw better also appeared to be better communicators within their group, giving credence to their idea that speech and throwing are related. Interestingly, they also found that the better throwing chimps didn’t appear to posses any more physical prowess than other chimps, which the researchers suggest means that throwing didn’t develop as a means of hunting, but as a form of communication within groups, i.e. throwing stuff at someone else became a form of self expression, which is clearly evident to anyone who has ever been targeted by a chimp locked up in a zoo.

R

gracie bjj

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #104 on: June 08, 2012, 08:45:24 AM »
sorry about those threads guys, my buddys are here and they are messing with my computer. i didnt log out and i hope they didnt post nothing to nasty :-[
R

gracie bjj

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #105 on: June 08, 2012, 08:51:46 AM »
one of them is bordenline insane, hes on all sorts of drugs to help his bi-polar disorder. im trying to get him out of my house but hes in my kitchen near my steak knives ???
R

gracie bjj

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #106 on: June 08, 2012, 09:05:04 AM »
i finally got rid of them, i had to give him 2 of my xanax or he wouldnt leave. hes on my lawn screaming some crazy shit as im typing. im wondering if i should call the police or what?
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ritch

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #107 on: June 08, 2012, 10:27:09 AM »

Gotta keep this shit going...
?

The Showstoppa

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #108 on: June 08, 2012, 10:53:28 AM »
i finally got rid of them, i had to give him 2 of my xanax or he wouldnt leave. hes on my lawn screaming some crazy shit as im typing. im wondering if i should call the police or what?

I'm thinking you might want to improve your quality of friends.

bigkubby

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #109 on: June 08, 2012, 12:20:11 PM »
this thread made me go take a shit lol and as i was chaos came to mind as the first big logg came out of my ass  ;D ;D ;D ;D
i

Dokey111

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Re: Shitting your pants
« Reply #110 on: June 08, 2012, 12:37:46 PM »
Fucking hilarious stories. Laughing my ass off

ditto

Iceman1981

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #111 on: June 08, 2012, 04:20:10 PM »
walk into my friends house a while ago, and the house stunk so bad that I almost threw up, so I just ask him did you get a pet or something? Hes like no, and denies even smelling anything. As hes making me feel stupid I hear his GF from upstairs yelling down "im so sorry I feel so embarrassed" (obviously she didnt notice im there) so he yells back to her "now im embarrassed too, say hi to joe" and I hear her run into a room and slam the door.

He proceeds to walk me outside and explain that they decided to experiment with anal sex, she wanted to ride his dick so she can have more control, she ended up making a huge mega mess, on him, the bed, herself etc.

Bottom line is, you let them have a little control and they will shit all over you

LOL

Iceman1981

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Re: Shitting your pants
« Reply #112 on: June 08, 2012, 04:22:32 PM »
Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party.  My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them.  I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house.  I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself.  The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it".  I pull into my drive way and step on the break.  As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out.  So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing.  When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat.  Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early.  I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants".  He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"! ;D


HAHAHAHAHA

Iceman1981

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Re: Shitting your pants
« Reply #113 on: June 08, 2012, 04:26:25 PM »
Being and "old guy" I have my share of shit stories. Let's just say it is never a pleasant experience. At least at my age, I have no qualms about using someone's or a public toilet. I would never try to hold it like some of you did in the stories you've told. I pretty much go to the toilet even when I feel a fart coming on....don't want to take a chance of having an "accident."

Two things to consider: wet wipes and black underwear.

LOL

Iceman1981

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #114 on: June 08, 2012, 04:40:27 PM »
I've shit myself as a kid, but I've learned to load up on the fiber the day before I'm going somewhere important so I shit everything out the next morning. For emergencies, as soon as your stomach feels iffy pop a Imodium in the morning so you'll be good for the rest of the day. Also, take probiotics everyday LOL.

BIG AL MCKECHNIE

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #115 on: June 08, 2012, 05:36:56 PM »
I was at a new girlfriends house for dinner many years ago. Her whole family were all sitting round the table and their dog Rover was under the table.
Suddenly I had to let out a silent but deadly fart. The place was stunk out but much to my relief her dad looked under the table and said..."Rover, get away to your basket".  Great, I thought. They think it's the dog that farted.
I let out another one and again the dad shouted "Rover, I told you to get out of here".

A few minutes later I let our another.

This time the dad looked under the table and said "Rover, for fuck sake get out of here before that bastard does a shite on you"
 ;D ;D ;D

Primemuscle

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #116 on: June 08, 2012, 06:17:46 PM »
I was at a new girlfriends house for dinner many years ago. Her whole family were all sitting round the table and their dog Rover was under the table.
Suddenly I had to let out a silent but deadly fart. The place was stunk out but much to my relief her dad looked under the table and said..."Rover, get away to your basket".  Great, I thought. They think it's the dog that farted.
I let out another one and again the dad shouted "Rover, I told you to get out of here".

A few minutes later I let our another.

This time the dad looked under the table and said "Rover, for fuck sake get out of here before that bastard does a shite on you"
 ;D ;D ;D

Very Good!

Marty Champions

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #117 on: June 08, 2012, 07:09:19 PM »
lol'ing at this thread

one time after spending the night with some hoe and drinking tons and tons of grapejuice and not much solid foods i went to go fart and shit came out on the carpet in the bathroom (it was a trailer but a nice one hah) then took a huge watery shit in the toilet. then i spent some time in the bathroom furiously trying to get the shit stain out of the carpet. When i got out she was wondering what the fuck i was doing in there so long. then she saw all the wet spots on the floor, i just simply told her the toilet overflowed  ;D
A

Soul Crusher

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #118 on: June 08, 2012, 07:41:46 PM »
get big is like a catholic confessional.    Nothing is off limits or. Kept secret.

Primemuscle

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #119 on: June 08, 2012, 10:24:04 PM »
get big is like a catholic confessional.    Nothing is off limits or. Kept secret.

It is still a secret as long as no one really knows who I am.

I said, "forgive me father for I have sinned."

Father said, "bless you son. Say 5 hail Mary's."

Since I am not his son, I figure he really doesn't know me. Plus, I didn't go to my usual parish church to confess. So there!

Spidey

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #120 on: June 09, 2012, 01:42:10 AM »
ahahahahahahahaah this thread is awsome!

hrspwr

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #121 on: June 09, 2012, 07:06:08 AM »
We were on a remodeling job one day and had no water or toilets available so I took a nasty hangover shit in a 5 gal bucket in the back of the box van and left it there. This was around 7am, well, it got hot that day probably into the 90`s and well over 120 in the truck.
 Around 2:30 we start wrapping up for the day, that bucket had fermented and I swear the stench had penetrated the steel body of the the truck, damn it was brutal. I think people were actually crying having to ride in that biohazard. As soon as we turned the corner leaving the job the bucket was thrown into the woods but the damage was done.
time under tension

The Abdominal Snoman

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Re: Shitting your pants
« Reply #122 on: June 09, 2012, 09:58:30 AM »
It's very telling what some folks think is funny.

Adam Sandler isn't a millionaire hundreds of times over because he's making "Gone with the wind" type movies

The Abdominal Snoman

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #123 on: June 09, 2012, 10:00:34 AM »
walk into my friends house a while ago, and the house stunk so bad that I almost threw up, so I just ask him did you get a pet or something? Hes like no, and denies even smelling anything. As hes making me feel stupid I hear his GF from upstairs yelling down "im so sorry I feel so embarrassed" (obviously she didnt notice im there) so he yells back to her "now im embarrassed too, say hi to joe" and I hear her run into a room and slam the door.

He proceeds to walk me outside and explain that they decided to experiment with anal sex, she wanted to ride his dick so she can have more control, she ended up making a huge mega mess, on him, the bed, herself etc.

Bottom line is, you let them have a little control and they will shit all over you

And to think, all he really had to say is my girlfriend had a really bad upset stomach. Instead he really threw her under the bus.lol

The Abdominal Snoman

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Re: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories...
« Reply #124 on: June 09, 2012, 10:04:04 AM »
this is what i wanted to post


Enlarge

Common chimpanzee in the Leipzig Zoo. Image credit: Thomas Lersch, via Wikipedia.

(PhysOrg.com) -- A lot of people who have gone to the zoo have become the targets of feces thrown by apes or monkeys, and left no doubt wondering about the so-called intellectual capacity of a beast that would resort to such foul play. Now however, researchers studying such behavior have come to the conclusion that throwing feces, or any object really, is actually a sign of high ordered behavior. Bill Hopkins of Emory University and his colleagues have been studying the whole process behind throwing and the impact it has on brain development, and have published their results in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B.



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Hopkins and his team have focused their research on chimpanzees, mainly due they say, to the fact that chimps are our closet living relative and that they are the only other species besides humans that regularly throw things with a clear target in mind. He and his team have been watching chimps in action for several years and comparing their actions with scans of their brains to see if there were any correlations between those chimps that threw a lot, and those that didn’t or whether they’re accuracy held any deeper meaning. Surprisingly, they found that chimps that both threw more and were more likely to hit their targets showed heightened development in the motor cortex, and more connections between it and the Broca’s area, which they say is an important part of speech in humans. The better chimp throwers, in other words, had more highly developed left brain hemispheres, which is also, non-coincidently, where speech processing occurs in people.
 
Such findings led the term to suggest that the ability to throw is, or was, a precursor to speech development in human beings.
 
After making their discovery regarding the parts of the brain that appear to be involved in better throwing in chimps, the team tested the chimps and found that those that could throw better also appeared to be better communicators within their group, giving credence to their idea that speech and throwing are related. Interestingly, they also found that the better throwing chimps didn’t appear to posses any more physical prowess than other chimps, which the researchers suggest means that throwing didn’t develop as a means of hunting, but as a form of communication within groups, i.e. throwing stuff at someone else became a form of self expression, which is clearly evident to anyone who has ever been targeted by a chimp locked up in a zoo.



George Bush had a shoe thrown at him for what I believe ties into this theory