Yeah good points got to stop the feelings for her and move on, only then will there be a way to reconcile maybe if I so choose at that point. Sometimes easier said then done.
Funny thing, I had an old profile on okcupid I haven't logged into for ages, I decided to check it today, found out she checked my profile out a couple weeks back (didn't even know she had an account). Guess she is looking for a new boyfriend yet again. Wonder if this can be to my advantage somehow.
Things like heartache and break-ups, fortunately, define and set lives in place and in the right direction. It seems as though your situation is no different from many others. You/she cheated, things got rocky due to repeated routines, she's felt neglected, you've felt guilty, etc. and now you think 'if I just had one more chance, if only she understood me'
Allowing yourself to feel guilty, have these painful feelings and just overall feeling bad for yourself is not going to help the situation. I know you've heard this before and I know you'll hear it a million times again, but, Self-improvement and No Contact after an initial break-up are probably the most utilizing aspects of creating anew.
She's left, right? So, take this time and start doing some serious work on yourself.
You have inner game issues, rather, personal issues that need to be dealt with..I know it feels like the pain in your chest doesn't even allow you to go outside and enjoy the fresh air anymore. Everything and anything will get you down. Even if something happens that makes your excited, you're just going to think, "Wow, I'm excited, but, I could be MORE excited if my ex was back in my arms."
Your codependency is at extremely high levels right now, you need to get it under control before you start to lose your mind over this woman. This is probably one of the worse stories I've seen on this site revolving around break-ups, but I've seen some damn hard times out of a man that just couldn't take the pain anymore. He and his wife had divorced after 11 years being married with kids and she instantly got into another relationship with another guy. Well, the man that lost his wife and kids and had to move 450 miles away from his home decided to change his life. He got everything together and made a plan to recreate and redesign his life. He started working out, got promoted at his job, changed his style and fashion, read books on breaking away from codependency, and even got into another relationship about 6 months after his wife left him. He realized that, although he was in the worst stage of his life, he could really come back a new and improved man. He just needed to put the work into it and start seeing results as he started to loosen up and become more confident in himself.
Stories like these happen all the time and I say it's your turn to flip the script. It's never too early or too late to change your life, man. It's all in the motivation to become a better person. Accept your mistakes in the past relationship and start forgiving yourself; you deserve the time and effort it takes to become the person you want to be.
Go out there and change your life one step at a time. It really just takes some will power and understanding of the past and accepting it.
You got this shit, bro. Don't let the past hold you back from that warm horizon.