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Author Topic: Do you ever think about raising kids?  (Read 4992 times)
Stark
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« Reply #25 on: December 27, 2012, 10:21:14 AM »

Wow 90 % suffering. Good deal! Sounds awesome.

You didn't read my post - you cannot think of this in mathematical terms... forget you're not going understand it never mind how hard I try Smiley
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Papper
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« Reply #26 on: December 27, 2012, 10:23:03 AM »

You didn't read my post - you cannot think of this in mathematical terms... forget you're not going understand it never mind how hard I try Smiley

Having twins in a months time fella..

I will get minimal bathroom time! Sad
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The True Adonis
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« Reply #27 on: December 27, 2012, 10:24:21 AM »

I think we have enough people on the planet already.  Cheesy Cheesy
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E
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« Reply #28 on: December 27, 2012, 10:27:12 AM »

I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).

My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.

So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.

Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.

I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.

Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.


Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature Smiley but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.

Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.

The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before,  you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.

Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!

REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.

2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".

3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.

4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!


Nazi scum should not raise kids
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Stark
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« Reply #29 on: December 27, 2012, 12:05:33 PM »

Nazi scum should not raise kids

Okay donny  Roll Eyes
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uberman
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« Reply #30 on: December 27, 2012, 12:11:47 PM »

lol immature cowards only able to care about their sorry asses, too affraid to put someone else before themselves. Will find you bullshit excuses about "how the world is a tough place" when they re ancestors faced wars and famines while having ten times less confort.

In one word, atheists. Thank God, they re getting rid of themselves simply by not reproducing anymore. 
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da_vinci
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« Reply #31 on: December 27, 2012, 12:16:15 PM »

And people who wear triple-quadrupkle layers of clothing in order to make themselves look bigger... Wink
 

I'm sorry to dissapoint u - but that's not clothes that make me look big. The fact that you remember and recall it - is quite strange. Relax - one day you may, too.. Wink
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snx
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« Reply #32 on: December 27, 2012, 12:19:11 PM »

i dont take kids because im afraid i will touch them in an improper way.

Fair enough Mars. But I'm still coming to Holland to have my young son meet you. It's been a life-long dream of his - he enjoys your pictorial view of life. It's also on my bucket list.

We'll take our chances to meet you...you're a great father, patriot and hero to us all. Fair, but firm.
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snx
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« Reply #33 on: December 27, 2012, 12:20:34 PM »

I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).

My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.

So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.

Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.

I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.

Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.


Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature Smiley but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.

Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.

The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before,  you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.

Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!

REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.

2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".

3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.

4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!



Lots of wisdom. I can't agree with everything you posted, but there's a lot I agree with. I would buy you a beer at the pub if I met you, and we could talk fatherhood and laugh. Also, we could look at the crazy videos you have, so I can feel better about my own boring life.  Grin
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da_vinci
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« Reply #34 on: December 27, 2012, 12:22:15 PM »

lol immature cowards only able to care about their sorry asses, too affraid to put someone else before themselves. Will find you bullshit excuses about "how the world is a tough place" when they re ancestors faced wars and famines while having ten times less confort.

In one word, atheists. Thank God, they re getting rid of themselves simply by not reproducing anymore.  

You are quite an egocentric individual to think that "the world needs your kids" (to fight "people of other religinion, so yours would susrvive and perish" lol).. There's nothing to be afraid "to put something before ourselves", whole africa is fearless in this context. Tho' you seem to have a huge fear to "stay alone".. Don't worry - you are a smart person - you won't need to be "alone" in this day and age, even if you'd loose your family due to some muslim unabomber. And "the world" needs your kids just as much as it needs kids of that dirty brown skinned ape from a middle east. In both cases - you are just blindly and desperatelly trying to rescue your genetic code. It's not gonna work, sorry.. and there's no heaven to "live on" after you die. Sorry once again, but someone has to tell it like it is.
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Ronnie Rep
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« Reply #35 on: December 27, 2012, 01:38:31 PM »

Have one kid not too bad, two forget about yourself you are an afterthought! If you are selfish don't have kids end of story!
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anabolichalo
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« Reply #36 on: December 27, 2012, 02:22:36 PM »

my dad has 6 children

does getbig want me to interview him
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che
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« Reply #37 on: December 27, 2012, 03:10:19 PM »

I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).

My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.

So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.

Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.

I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.

Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.


Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature Smiley but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.

Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.

The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before,  you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.

Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!

REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.

2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".

3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.

4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!



I feel sorry for your kid.
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DroppingPlates
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« Reply #38 on: December 27, 2012, 03:43:01 PM »

I don't want kids, and I'm a Christian. Needless to say, I'm gonna need God's help in finding a mate.

I have good news for you, and for myself as well, about 8% of the women DON'T want kids. But, things may be different if you want to meet a Christian woman..
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anabolichalo
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« Reply #39 on: December 27, 2012, 03:43:58 PM »

if a woman wants 2 kids

realistically

can she be persuaded to stop at 1?
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DroppingPlates
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« Reply #40 on: December 27, 2012, 03:46:18 PM »

if a woman wants 2 kids

realistically

can she be persuaded to stop at 1?

Yes and no, she might seek for a second father  Grin
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dj181
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« Reply #41 on: December 27, 2012, 03:51:55 PM »

this one i'm seeing now told me she wants to have 2 sons FUCK!!!

and my x contacted me by e-mail and said that her husband is looking for me WTF?
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DroppingPlates
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« Reply #42 on: December 27, 2012, 04:12:29 PM »

this one i'm seeing now told me she wants to have 2 sons FUCK!!!

and my x contacted me by e-mail and said that her husband is looking for me WTF?


I hope your alarm bell was ringing when she started about kids.
Recently, I had a similar experience, my ex' sister called me (totally drunk), or should I say 'stalked'? and told me that my ex' hubby is looking for me.
Never a dull moment in the dating game Grin
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dj181
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« Reply #43 on: December 27, 2012, 04:22:04 PM »

I hope your alarm bell was ringing when she started about kids.
Recently, I had a similar experience, my ex' sister called me (totally drunk), or should I say 'stalked'? and told me that my ex' hubby is looking for me.
Never a dull moment in the dating game Grin

nice to know that i'm not alone Grin
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Tapeworm
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« Reply #44 on: December 27, 2012, 04:41:58 PM »

Stark, maybe you should just hire a nanny for one day a week or whatever you can afford.  Or send him to Saturday emtertainmacare or something.  Getting rid of the kid for 12 hours doesn't make you a bad man and it'll help you retain your sanity. 

You seem stretched kinda tight bro.  Hate to see you chasing the kid through a hedge maze with an axe someday.
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snx
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« Reply #45 on: December 27, 2012, 05:36:04 PM »

Stark, maybe you should just hire a nanny for one day a week or whatever you can afford.  Or send him to Saturday emtertainmacare or something.  Getting rid of the kid for 12 hours doesn't make you a bad man and it'll help you retain your sanity. 

You seem stretched kinda tight bro.  Hate to see you chasing the kid through a hedge maze with an axe someday.

Redrum.
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Archer77
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« Reply #46 on: December 27, 2012, 05:37:46 PM »

I think we have enough people on the planet already.  Cheesy Cheesy

We may have the quantity but do we have the quality?
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A
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« Reply #47 on: December 27, 2012, 05:49:57 PM »

For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?

Like how much to punish / discipline them?  Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction?  What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently?  How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job?  Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?

Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me.  But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative.  Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...

(no homo)

(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)

I do, from time to time because I'm going to make sure I do it right.  I want to have around five or six I think.  People don't realize that you get out of kids what you put in.  I'll invest heavily in them, like my parents and grandparents did for me. 
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cephissus
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« Reply #48 on: December 27, 2012, 06:36:31 PM »

haha, che, will you elaborate?

i think more often about what to do when they're 5-15ish.  everyone knows they absorb your life when they're in the baby and toddler stages.  but what about when they're older?  you have to help them out, but what will you really teach them?  what principles are you so confident of that you're willing to stand behind, and force them to adopt?

or do you not believe in any principles at all?  will you trust in them entirely to find their own way?

this is what i mean by balancing act...
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che
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« Reply #49 on: December 27, 2012, 08:23:24 PM »

haha, che, will you elaborate?

i think more often about what to do when they're 5-15ish.  everyone knows they absorb your life when they're in the baby and toddler stages.  but what about when they're older?  you have to help them out, but what will you really teach them?  what principles are you so confident of that you're willing to stand behind, and force them to adopt?

or do you not believe in any principles at all?  will you trust in them entirely to find their own way?

this is what i mean by balancing act...

I don't know man  ,I'm still learning , all I know is that my kid is my top priority ,  I try to be a good example for him ( no smoke ,no alcohol, no drugs ,no arguments with my wife  in front of him ...) , we spend a lot of time together ( movies ,sports ,riding motorcycles ,snowmobiles ,bikes....)
I try to teach him what is right and wrong, and how to act in certain situations , one thing's for sure  I will never make the same mistakes my parents did with me .

                                                                                                                  I hope this helps.
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