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Author Topic: BREAKING NEWS: New Bodybuilding Disease Discovered - Swoliosis  (Read 7093 times)
syntaxmachine
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« on: February 15, 2013, 12:48:52 AM »

What Is It?

Swoliosis is the buildup of fluid called 'swole' in the tissues under your arm skin when something blocks its normal flow. This causes swelling.

Swole normally does an important job for your body. It carries foreign material and bacteria away from your arm tissues, and it circulates infection-fighting cells that are part of your immune system.

Swole flows slowly through the network of vessels called your swoliatic system. Swole flow stops at points along the way to be filtered through swole nodes. Swole nodes are small bean-shaped organs that are part of your immune system.

Swole is formed from the fluid that surrounds cells in the arms. It makes its way into very small swoliatic vessels. After traveling through these small vessels, swole drains into deeper, wider swole channels that run through the body. Eventually, swole fluid returns to the blood.

Swoliosis occurs when there is inadequate swole drainage from the body, usually from a blockage in a swole channel. Swoliatic fluid builds up underneath arm skin and causes swelling.


A patient from a recent study.

In most cases of swoliosis, the swoliatic system has been injured so that the flow of swole is blocked either temporarily or permanently. This is called secondary swoliosis. Two known causes exist:

1. Genetics at birth. Also known as congenital swoliosis. Risk is higher in male Caucasian newborns. Usually both arms are swollen.

2. Injecting huge amounts of oil into the arms such that their proven reserves rival that of the Ghanar Fields'; the injected oil itself swells in addition to blocking the flow of swole.

Symptoms

Swoliosis causes swelling with a feeling of heaviness, tightness or fullness in the arms. The arms take on a droopy, soft appearance and look unflexed no matter what:



Additional symptoms may include:

-A dull ache in the affected arm(s)
-A feeling of tightness in the skin of the affected arm(s)
-Difficulty moving an arm or bending at a joint because of swelling and skin tightness
-In rare cases, swole may travel to the patient's brain, affecting their self-perception


In rare cases, swole is deposited in the brain, affecting the patient's self-perception and tendency towards narcissism.

Diagnosis

Your doctor will ask you whether you injected huge amounts of oil into your arms. The doctor may ask if you have ever had a swole clot. If a child has swoliosis, the doctor will ask if anyone in your family had arm swelling starting at a young age. This may indicate an inherited disorder.

Your doctor will examine the swollen arm(s) and press on the affected skin to look for a fingertip indentation (pitting). The skin will be indented in people with the much more common type of edema caused by leaky blood vessels. Pitting does not happen when you press on skin if you have swoliosis.

Expected Duration

Swoliosis is a permanent condition except if caused by oil injections, in which case it can be cured by draining the excess oil. However, this procedure does damage to the biceps muscles such that they worse than if oil had never been injected in the first place.

Prevention

-Not injecting huge amounts of oil into one's arms

-For people with more severe swoliosis, doctors prescribe inflatable sleeves that can be worn around the arms, called swoliatic compression devices. These sleeves are attached to a machine that alternately fills and deflates them with air, and they can be used at home to help reduce arm swelling.


A patient undergoing swoliatic compression device treatment at home. We're not quite sure why he's so cheery.

When to Call a Professional

Make an appointment with your doctor if you develop symptoms of swoliosis.

You should call your doctor the same day if you have symptoms that could be from an infection:

-Fever, redness, warmth or increased pain in addition to swelling
-Open sores or areas of broken skin
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C-BuZz
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« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2013, 12:56:23 AM »

Excellent post.


Incidentally, there a special someone on this very forum with these exact symptoms (wont name any names) ... Can you believe that?
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Shockwave
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« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2013, 06:30:32 AM »


Bravo sir.
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SF1900
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« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2013, 08:34:24 AM »

Why are cswols forearms so skinny? :/
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arce1988
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« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2013, 02:46:59 PM »

  Damn
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Gigantic Event
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« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2013, 02:53:10 PM »

hahahaaahahahaaaaaaaa... missed this one.  outstanding.
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che
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« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2013, 03:02:03 PM »

Why are cswols forearms so skinny? :/

 That's one of  the first symptoms associated with Swoliosis
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WOOO
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« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2013, 06:11:48 PM »

.


* cswol.jpg (13.97 KB, 527x356 - viewed 2354 times.)
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Lungrenisback
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« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2013, 06:13:34 PM »

glad to see that finally there is a health condition I don't have to worry about having.
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njflex
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« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2013, 06:26:21 PM »

epic ,,,well written chap..
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$
cswol
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« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2013, 07:39:53 PM »

now here is the real definition of swoliosis, too bad you didnt do your research before you stated the wrong definition of swoliosis 
   http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=swoliosis
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cswol
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« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2013, 07:48:30 PM »

just measured, my forearms, they taped out at 17", not bad seeing how I havent worked forearms since about 2006
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AVBG
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« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2013, 08:30:43 PM »

  Cry won't recover
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Jovo
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« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2013, 08:50:42 PM »

just measured, my forearms, they taped out at 17", not bad seeing how I havent worked forearms since about 2006

bullshit, you're forearms are 14 inches, and that's being generous
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Parker
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« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2013, 04:56:17 PM »

Swoliatic sounds like a rap song...
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« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2013, 09:05:20 PM »

Waiting for someone to do a TBOMBISM thread.lol
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el numero uno
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« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2013, 09:09:12 PM »

LOL! this pic is too fricking funny.

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« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2013, 09:10:58 PM »

  I remember when cswol arms were 20
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Schnauzer
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« Reply #18 on: April 18, 2013, 09:14:28 PM »

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viking1
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« Reply #19 on: April 18, 2013, 09:17:08 PM »

Excellent post.


Incidentally, there a special someone on this very forum with these exact symptoms (wont name any names) ... Can you believe that?
                                             
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Master Blaster
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« Reply #20 on: April 18, 2013, 09:46:22 PM »

Fucking Mad Love for this post

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Coach is Back!
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« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2013, 11:24:44 PM »

What Is It?

Swoliosis is the buildup of fluid called 'swole' in the tissues under your arm skin when something blocks its normal flow. This causes swelling.

Swole normally does an important job for your body. It carries foreign material and bacteria away from your arm tissues, and it circulates infection-fighting cells that are part of your immune system.

Swole flows slowly through the network of vessels called your swoliatic system. Swole flow stops at points along the way to be filtered through swole nodes. Swole nodes are small bean-shaped organs that are part of your immune system.

Swole is formed from the fluid that surrounds cells in the arms. It makes its way into very small swoliatic vessels. After traveling through these small vessels, swole drains into deeper, wider swole channels that run through the body. Eventually, swole fluid returns to the blood.

Swoliosis occurs when there is inadequate swole drainage from the body, usually from a blockage in a swole channel. Swoliatic fluid builds up underneath arm skin and causes swelling.


A patient from a recent study.

In most cases of swoliosis, the swoliatic system has been injured so that the flow of swole is blocked either temporarily or permanently. This is called secondary swoliosis. Two known causes exist:

1. Genetics at birth. Also known as congenital swoliosis. Risk is higher in male Caucasian newborns. Usually both arms are swollen.

2. Injecting huge amounts of oil into the arms such that their proven reserves rival that of the Ghanar Fields'; the injected oil itself swells in addition to blocking the flow of swole.

Symptoms

Swoliosis causes swelling with a feeling of heaviness, tightness or fullness in the arms. The arms take on a droopy, soft appearance and look unflexed no matter what:



Additional symptoms may include:

-A dull ache in the affected arm(s)
-A feeling of tightness in the skin of the affected arm(s)
-Difficulty moving an arm or bending at a joint because of swelling and skin tightness
-In rare cases, swole may travel to the patient's brain, affecting their self-perception


In rare cases, swole is deposited in the brain, affecting the patient's self-perception and tendency towards narcissism.

Diagnosis

Your doctor will ask you whether you injected huge amounts of oil into your arms. The doctor may ask if you have ever had a swole clot. If a child has swoliosis, the doctor will ask if anyone in your fa

mily had arm swelling starting at a young age. This may indicate an inherited disorder.

Your doctor will examine the swollen arm(s) and press on the affected skin to look for a fingertip indentation (pitting). The skin will be indented in people with the much more common type of edema caused by leaky blood vessels. Pitting does not happen when you press on skin if you have swoliosis.

Expected Duration

Swoliosis is a permanent condition except if caused by oil injections, in which case it can be cured by draining the excess oil. However, this procedure does damage to the biceps muscles such that they worse than if oil had never been injected in the first place.

Prevention

-Not injecting huge amounts of oil into one's arms

-For people with more severe swoliosis, doctors prescribe inflatable sleeves that can be worn around the arms, called swoliatic compression devices. These sleeves are attached to a machine that alternately fills and deflates them with air, and they can be used at home to help reduce arm swelling.


A patient undergoing swoliatic compression device treatment at home. We're not quite sure why he's so cheery.

When to Call a Professional

Make an appointment with your doctor if you develop symptoms of swoliosis.

You should call your doctor the same day if you have symptoms that could be from an infection:

-Fever, redness, warmth or increased pain in addition to swelling
-Open sores or areas of broken skin

Great post. You should get a job.
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cswol
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« Reply #22 on: April 19, 2013, 09:05:05 AM »

 Grin  maybe you guys should actually go to the gym and lift, your experience posting on a internet chat board has no relevance to being big or getting big, i think you should walk around with a tshirt that says, I POST ON GETBIG, BUT STAY SMALL, never seen such a group of pussman small man ILS NSS SMS clowns in my life, would own every one of you in person, i laugh my ass off every time, just thinking about you pussy clowns makes me laugh, i go to the gym and say boy wonder if the pros over at getbig could lift that 35 lbs that lady is training with, then i think in my head, I highly doubt it, only thing they are lifting is their boyfriends asses off their faces................... ... I OWN EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU CLOWNS, FACT
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Shizzo
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« Reply #23 on: April 19, 2013, 09:07:47 AM »

Grin  maybe you guys should actually go to the gym and lift, your experience posting on a internet chat board has no relevance to being big or getting big, i think you should walk around with a tshirt that says, I POST ON GETBIG, BUT STAY SMALL, never seen such a group of pussman small man ILS NSS SMS clowns in my life, would own every one of you in person, i laugh my ass off every time, just thinking about you pussy clowns makes me laugh, i go to the gym and say boy wonder if the pros over at getbig could lift that 35 lbs that lady is training with, then i think in my head, I highly doubt it, only thing they are lifting is their boyfriends asses off their faces................... ... I OWN EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU CLOWNS, FACT


* doh.jpg (10.49 KB, 209x241 - viewed 1892 times.)

* denial-and-the-coming-data-meltdown.jpg (23.84 KB, 360x410 - viewed 1310 times.)
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syntaxmachine
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« Reply #24 on: April 19, 2013, 09:17:27 AM »

Great post. You should get a job.

So says the fellá who's been posting roughly three times as much as me per day for the better part of half a decade.  Roll Eyes
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