The woman recorded a conversation with a laptop two years after the supposed occurrence. 'Bean' is the "rapist" in question, 'Reed' the woman.
BEAN: Am I really an all right person? Because I –– I … I don’t know. I’m just… . What’re you doing?
REED: I –– I need [the recording] for my own fucking psychological… . I need to listen to it later. I need to… .
BEAN: Tucker … I don’t want you … to go to the police about it, obviously. But at the same time, I know you have a complete right to do it. And … I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry I didn’t know what I was doing. And I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you in ways that nobody ever should hurt another person. I can’t even look at you. I am sorry that … every time I hear your name from now on, I’ll think of the bad times more than good. But then I’ll think of the good times eventually. I’ll get better eventually. But … I’m –– I’m –– I’m really sorry. I never –– I never meant to hurt you. I really didn’t. (breath) And I keep on thinking –– I keep on, like, thinking, like maybe if I had done something different, you know? And it all just comes down to… I wanted sex, and … I was drunk. You know, I was selfish.
REED: I told you it would ruin everything.
BEAN: (laughs) I don’t remember that. I –– I couldn’t hear that. (pause) I don’t –– I don’t even remember that.
REED: Well, you remembered enough to tell me why you did it. … That’s the thing, Andy. You remembered enough to tell me why you did it, when I brought it up a year later.
BEAN: What, the roses, and all that stuff?
REED: This whole, like –– really, it was so disturbing.
BEAN: Tucker, that was me … that was me doing to you the same thing that you did to me two days ago. Or, on Thursday. With just saying everything to put me down. I was doing that because … I felt like shit. Because if I actually looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t stand what was there. And I can’t. (sigh) So if you’re –– if you’re talking about when I was drunk on the anniversary of it, it’s because I didn’t want to deal with it.
REED: It was so hurtful.
BEAN: I know. (breath) I’m sorry!
REED: And that’s what happened. That’s –– that’s really, like, the end, in my mind, like, everything that happened is just a blur of, like, unhappiness and us fighting all the time.
BEAN: We weren’t fighting all the time.
REED: That’s all I remember.
BEAN: (scoffing noise) Do ––
REED: I just –– I just remember me going, “How –– how can I be this, like, unhappy and still be here?” And feeling like ––
BEAN: We’re just very different people ––
REED: –– I just forgive, like, so much, you know? Like –– (sigh) any other girl ––
BEAN: Yeah. …
REED: I didn’t –– I did not –– I went –– I had you come in with me, and we were naked, and I was gonna give you a blow job and I thought you were going to eat me out. That’s what I thought was gonna happen. And then all of a sudden you were on top of me, and you had your dick in your hands, and you were putting it in me, and it hurt so much, and I was saying, “Don’t do it.” (several sobs) I was saying, “Don’t! No, no!” (sob, sniffles) And you were on me and I was pinned like this. (rustling, gasp) And then I heard (gasp) those two girls come back, and I –– I –– I was so drunk, and (gasp) I thought, “No, don’t, don’t scream, don’t kick him off you –– “
BEAN: We were –– we were both so drunk and ––
REED: ”It will make –– it will make noise and they’ll know that you’re a slut and they’ll think that you meant to have sex” and I didn’t, I didn’t! And I thought that it would just be better if it was just over, but you have so much fucking stamina, it went on forever. (three gasps)
BEAN: We –– we were both really drunk, okay? (she wails) We were both really drunk, and it was a stupid mistake. It was something that was really fucking dumb.
REED: You didn’t listen to me, you didn’t care enough to listen to me, I was just a hole.
BEAN: I was drunk! I didn’t mean to, you’re not a whore, okay?
REED: Hole for you to stick ––
BEAN: … oh.
REED: –– your dick in. (gasps) I wasn’t a person, I wasn’t talking. Ugh.
BEAN: I’m sorry.
REED: That –– the memory of it –– the memory of it makes me want –– (wail)
BEAN: I don’t –– I don’t remember it. I don’t remember anything about it.
REED: It doesn’t change the fact that it’s a crime. (sniffs) Really, like if you went in to court and you said that, they’d be like, “Doesn’t matter. It happened.”
BEAN: (sighs twice) I’m so sorry for hurting you.
REED: Okay. (sniffs)
BEAN: And I know … it’s just words. I just –– I fucking hate words. (sighs)
REED: I just wanted you to know ––
BEAN: I know I hurt you.
