I do not think in terms of medium and extreme. I think in terms of what makes sense and what simply does not. Idea of marriage is based on false premise that:
a) people do not change
b) pair can spend their lifetime together
This is just unrealistic approach. If you think I'm extreme then look at damn statistics. Expecting your relationship to last until your death is like someone with third stage cancer expecting to live for another 40 years. Yes, that does happen but these are exceptions.
I think pre-nup is making your relationship all about trust. In the end, if you trust your partner why would you possibly need any legal guarantees that they, say, if you get sick will take care of you and not divorce and abandon you? But people are not rational. If you want to leave her after many years and your partner doesn't share that emotion this can go very wrong.
Then again you can say I'm 23 year old and dunno shit, so be it, let's use that argumentum ad personam. But please tell me that what I write doesn't make sense
it makes sense, only to those who may lack experience or are youthfully naive.
1. People should think about certain things when getting married. Similar backgrounds--both parents being married. Common goals. Remember we tend to replicate what we know.Bad habits, or the development of bad habits.
The stats---ha, are they reflective of the Baby-Boomers and their children? The baby boomer generation is the generation in which the massive trend towards divorce was started. You know the "I'm not happy" and "we grew apart" (and then the recapturing of their youth).
The trend tends to start from a selfish mindset. Today's society reflects that, and is the result of the Baby-Boomers teaching that to their kids---who tended to come from the divorced, remarried, and or single parents
Sure, people change, some for the better, others for the worse.
The majority of people my age that I have come into contact with who are married, heading for a divorced or divorced, either came from divorced parents, single parents. Or got with greedy, selfish, promiscious partners. Basically, Individuals with very deep personality flaws. Now, how are these people going to have a long lasting marriage, with respect for one another, their marriage, and their children? Now, granted, no marriage is perfect, everyone has it's flaws---and just because it's long lasting, doesn't mean that it is good. A lot of women have been in long marriages, where they have been the subject of domestic abuse since the beginning or before the marriage. And a lot of men have had to suffer thru verbal demasculinization for yrs on end.
This is no equation, there is no right or wrong answer, there are many ways, and paths to a happy marriage. And if one starts out saying, "sign this pre-nup", it's essentially saying, "I don't trust you, and down the road if you eff me over, you get what you came in with, and not a cent more." How is that "building trust"? All it does is create a situation in which backs another into a corner. It creates animosity, and a form of "power play". Holding a "act right or else" clause over a person's head does not, nor will it ever build trust. Especially, if you hold it over today's woman's head.
Also, look at the couples who get this. If you look at the celebs and rich folk, the women tend to be young and very attractive. The men, tend to be rich, and of various states of attractiveness, but the power is on their sides. One also must wonder about both parties characters.
And another note, I had turned the radio on one day, and flipped thru the channels. A pasted was on the radio, and stated, "Show me boy and girl in front of the altar, and they have the thinking, 'if this doesn't last there is always divorce', then chances are the marriage will not last. Show me a boy girl at the altar with the thinking 'this will last and divorce is not an option', then chances are it will last."
This is of course barring domestic violence, major character flaws and development of marriage wrecking addictions and or bad habits.