A true story about yourself....

[Dokey111]

Once i was taking a piss in the garden on a typicall friday night well on my way though a bottke of vodka when just at that second the pizza delivery bloke came through the gate. Tried to hold it and put it away but failed miserably and pissed my pants l.
Every week from then on when he dropped off our pizza he would point at me and in his stupid eastern european accent say "hoho pissy,pissy,pissy"
What a c unt.

 

[Ronnie Rep]

I too enjoyed playing with fire , blowing things up.. as a young lad I had been lighting firecrackers and dropping them down a crevasse in concrete floor of a large wooden back yard tool shed when mum called me to supper, I ran to the house to eat didn't realize the shed had caught fire till we all heard the fire engines siren, shed burned to the ground 

I had a cherry bomb that I had left over from Fourth of July! They are like M 80's loud as hell! I lit it and threw on a neighbors roof that lived in the house below mine! It was so loud it sounded like bomb! I took off into my house. I was sure someone would call the cops thinking there was an explosion in their house!

[Dokey111]

my friend and i used to glue fins and launch tubes directly onto those model rocket engines and shoot them off.  we didn't have the patience to wait for the glue to dry.  so one goes off all haywire, and lands on a neighbors roof, still firing away.  instead of just running away (no one actually saw us light it), we decided to run out front and act like we saw it flying over our heads or something, like we were as surprised as anyone.  Busted immediately.

[Ronnie Rep]

Sailed a 27 foot monohull with my friend from Key West to Cancun. I had several trips behind me and never ever had sea sickness. About 2 hours into the trip had a little enigine trouble. Stuck my head down into the engine bay to see what was wrong. When I stood up I was truly introduced to sea sickness. The trip took 8 days. I couldn't keep anything down except for coca cola and raisins ???Anything else would come right back up and over the side of the boat.

Along the way I sailed through miles of iridescent algae in the middle of the night..... One night I swear to christ I heard darth vader breathing next to me, I looked over the side of the ship and saw 2 dolphins on each side of boat blowing water through their dorsal gill. Sounded just like darth vader. They swam next to me all night..... Almost ran into an underwater pipe that was about 2 miles long and being transported just a few feet beneath the surface of the water by some spanish speaking engineering rig. I couldn't speak spanish so when they tried contacting me on the short wave radio I had no fucking clue what they were talking about. Fortunately my buddy woke up and heard the warning.... At one point we were about a mile off the coast of Cuba. Talk about pristine water....Upon arrival in Cancun I was surrounded by the Mexican Navy. Who the fuck knew Mexico had a Navy? Turns out President Fox was arriving in Cancun the next morning.

I lost around 10 to 15 pounds on that trip. When I got back to the States I read in a local paper that 2 guys in a 25 foot monohull took the same route we took during the same week and they were never seen again. I have not sailed since.

Cool story!

[the trainer]

Once i had this girl eating my asshole, i had a lot of protein shakes that day and i felt the urge to fart, so without warning her i let loose a loud really stinky fart, needless to say the look on her face was priceless.

[Mr Nobody]

Once i had this girl eating my asshole, i had a lot of protein shakes that day and i felt the urge to fart, so without warning her i let loose a loud really stinky fart, needless to say the look on her face was priceless.

A job well done.

[Ronnie Rep]

my friend and i used to glue fins and launch tubes directly onto those model rocket engines and shoot them off.  we didn't have the patience to wait for the glue to dry.  so one goes off all haywire, and lands on a neighbors roof, still firing away.  instead of just running away (no one actually saw us light it), we decided to run out front and act like we saw it flying over our heads or something, like we were as surprised as anyone.  Busted immediately.

Used to do the same thing with model rockets! My friend and I used to buy the under water fusing used to launch them, and walk around throwing it into puddles and watch it burn!

[Soul Crusher]

 

[Palpatine Q]

Hahahahaha!!! When I was about 7/8 my and my best pal did the same thing in a deserted brushland, right next to the main shopping street. First we would set one match, let the bushes burn a little and then stamp it out, then two matches at the same time, let the fire get a little bigger and stamp it out again, and so on until we had used the first box. I grabbed the second box and set the whole thing at once and threw it into a bush (bear in mind the whole field was completely white dry brush lol) so the whole place goes up in under a minute and we run to the bottom of the road into a police station, I run to the front desk and shout "Quick, Quick the wasteground is on fire!!! There were two black kids messing with a lighter and they cycled away on their bikes!!!" the policeman is like "Well done boys, thanks for coming to tell us" I go home and tell my mum the story about the black boys and how we saved the day and she goes "Well that's funny, I just had Kirk's mum on the phone who's window overlooks the wasteground and she said that you and Grant were fucking about with matches and set the whole place on fire!!! You're grounded for the whole summer holidays." 

Six motherfucking weeks.

Pwned....hahahahaaa

[Man of Steel]

I set my parents kitchen on fire when I was 12.....thought I knew how to cook.....I didn't.

[Raymondo]

Lots of pyromaniacs in this thread 

[Soul Crusher]

Lots of pyromaniacs in this thread 

I tossed a few M80's into someons house once through the mail slot in their front door

[andreisdaman]

I once attended a party where a women who lost her legs in a car accident was giving blow jobs to any man who wanted one.  Her wheel chair wouldn't fit through the bathroom door so she had to crawl across the floor into the bathroom.

Did you partake???....

[syntaxmachine]

In my defense, this girl not only lost her legs but suffered a head injury. Receiving a blow job from a drunk girl with a head injury didn't sound appealing to me.

Was it a "group" scenario where multiple men were around her chair, or was she sequestered off in some "crazy wheelchair chick blowjob room" to the side?

[andreisdaman]

Once when I was about 20 years old I met three different women in the span of about two weeks.....I used to walk around with business cards with my name and number on them so I wouldn't have to fumble for a pen and paper to write my number down for chicks.......anyway about a week or so after meeting said women I get a phone call from one of them finally........then all of a sudden the other women get on the line through three-way calling (remember that?)......anyway turns out ALL THREE WERE SISTERS!!!!!!!...what are the fucking odds of that???

They tore into me big time.....I felt like a little lost lamb with his balls cut off..........One sister said that she had visited her sister's house and she saw my card on her sister's dresser and said to herself "Ive seen that card somewhere"............then she visited the other sister and found my card there as well and she put two and two together.....I was horrified...LOL..it was very traumatic

[Archer77]

Was it a "group" scenario where multiple men were around her chair, or was she sequestered off in some "crazy wheelchair chick blowjob room" to the side?

She was on the bathroom floor and the guys would sit on the toilet.  Couldn't fit her chair through the bathroom door so she crawled, dragging her stumps behind her.   Guys would go in one after the other.  

[Primemuscle]

She was on the bathroom floor and the guys would sit on the toilet.  Couldn't fit her chair through the bathroom door so she crawled, dragging her stumps behind her.   Guys would go in one after the other.  

Ah the romance of it all.

[Archer77]

Ah the romance of it all.

I'm sure she thinks back fondly on those times at whatever group home she's currently residing.

[syntaxmachine]

She was on the bathroom floor and the guys would sit on the toilet.  Couldn't fit her chair through the bathroom door so she crawled, dragging her stumps behind her.   Guys would go in one after the other.  

Wow. Were any blumpkins administered that night, consciously or otherwise?

[Archer77]

Wow. Were any blumpkins administered that night, consciously or otherwise?

Maybe, I wasn't in there.  When I did look in the toilet lid was down.  I never heard any flushing.

[King Shizzo]

I once attended a party where a women who lost her legs in a car accident was giving blow jobs to any man who wanted one.  Her wheel chair wouldn't fit through the bathroom door so she had to crawl across the floor into the bathroom.

So all I had to do was say I lost my legs in a car accident?

[Archer77]

So all I had to do was say I lost my legs in a car accident?

What do you usually say?

[King Shizzo]

What do you usually say?

I died In a car accident.

[Primemuscle]

I died In a car accident.

Yes. I remember when that happened and when you came back to life and some folks were pissed off because you weren't still dead. Sometimes it is better to stay dead once you die. 

[King Shizzo]

Yes. I remember when that happened and when you came back to life and some folks were pissed off because you weren't still dead. Sometimes it is better to stay dead once you die. 

hahahaha.