Here's my issue then, if I try to draw parallels to yours.
My wife is decidely not a fitness professional. She doesn't even like working out. Thankfully, she's maintained a very slim physique just due to genetics. Which of course I appreciate.
But, as my body fluctuates, she becomes more or less conflicted. When I'm puffy and heavy, she doesn't find me overly attractive. Yet, the prospect of intimacy is met with more favorably, shall we say.
When I'm below 10% BF, give or take, she finds me more attractive, but is more hesistant towards intimacy (in her words, she feels more self-conscious around me). This outweighs the attraction she feels to the abs, which she likes.
Perhaps if she were like your wife, and grew to own her own body, she may change her lens on her body. I certainly tell her how hot I think she is daily. I don't think she believes me though.
So I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. And it's not like when I'm full on 15+ BF that I get it 4-5x/week. It's still 2-3x/month, at best. When I'm lean, that drops to 1-2x/month. The rub is that the extra supplementation I use does not help.
It is what it is. I love her and she's my best friend. I'd like to do her a lot more than I am now, is about my only gripe in our relationship; otherwise, we are perfectly compatible personality wise. We've talked about it a lot and I've tried being nice, being accommodating, all that fun stuff. Doing more chores around the house; doing the cooking; giving more massages; doing more of the stuff she likes in bed instead of what I like. Hasn't paid off. It's more like this is now the new bar I've set and it's the new "maintenance level" of attention I have to pay to her to get what I used to get when I was lazier about things.
I have zero doubts about her faithfulness. I know you guys love to say that's what's going on. Not in this case. Because it's been like this for well over 15 years together...always the same consistency so it's not like things have gone up or down.
She just doesn't have that gear in her. As she approaches menopause in the next decade, this is not going to get any better.
I guess I just take what I can get and learn to live with it. It's not like I'm waking up this year surprised by it all. It's always been this way, and I suppose I can be blamed for settling on this front instead of finding a great woman who also has the same drive I do.
I can't afford a divorce just for the prospect of more intimacy with another partner. That's financially irresponsible. And I wouldn't humiliate a good friend like that. I'm too loyal to good friends, for better or worse.
Wow. I'm a beta with women. This post proves it.
Oh well, I'll go make some money or lift a shit ton of weight and go try and feel alpha somewhere else! LOL! And if not, there's a six pack of beer in the garage fridge that helps me convince myself I'm alpha anyways! LOL!
this is serious 'no one' for a minute speaking.
man been reading your posts but quoted this one to get the ball rolling. you and I are quite a bit alike- I'm not emotionally open- I don't say nice things or show a lot of affection. I do nice things. that's how I show I care. because I'm emotionally detached sex has always been a high priority for me in a relationship because it's the only time I open myself up emotionally. it's my outlet cause I'm not built to show it the way most people can for some reason. I say outlet because I need to let my partner know that I am emotionally attached to them even though I might not 'show' it. i say need to let my partner know because it's a purging of some nature for me. so I understand your priority on sex. plus add in our hormones and biological drives on top of that.
what you gotta understand bro, and I don't know if you do- I get the sense you don't- you gotta understand that you are not the problem here. the way 'you look' at different times is not the problem here. your wife is the problem here. and you can't fix that. you can't fix her. she needs to fix herself. her aversion to being physical with you is not normal nor is it fair to you. the way you look is an excuse to not be physical which makes it, in a way, your fault, not hers (she likes the abs but is intimidated). she's not taking ownership for her lack of desire. so you then think ok, well maybe the problem is me. maybe I can change something. right? right. the problem isn't you bro.
there is nothing that you are going to do by yourself that is going to change a thing for the better. your in a tough spot here. if she's content with the way things are she'll resent you wanting to change that. it'll be your fault all over again that things aren't good enough. see how that works?
I've been down this road before. it doesn't end happily. what happens is resentment creeps in. it's unspoken and unsaid by both parties and it's like a cancer. it spreads out from the original issue into all aspects of the relationship. I already get the feeling there might be some of that already starting to manifest itself.
does it get better? I dunno. I always ended the relationship before we tore it do far apart that friendship was impossible. in fact to this day I have great relationships w my exs. several have told me I'd be the first person they'd come to if they were ever in trouble or needed help. then again I was never married. that adds a whole new dimension to things. but what are you going to do- live life unhappy cause you don't want to divorce? that's not noble. that's two people who aren't going to be friends in a few more years.
man I feel for you 100%. and btw there nothing 'beta' about loving your wife so don't for a minute think so.