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Author Topic: Toronto Businessman Comes Home Early to Find...  (Read 765 times)
24KT
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« on: April 18, 2014, 12:31:42 AM »

A Toronto businessman recently returned home from a business trip a day early.

It was well after midnight, and a nagging sixth sense had been going off all week.

While en route home, and anticipating a nasty confrontation when he got there, he asked the limo driver if he'd be willing to be a witness for an additional $100 tip, in addition to the limo fare from the Toronto airport?

Since it was his last booking, and he would only be going home to an empty apartment, the driver readily agreed.

Quietly arriving home, the business man and his limo driver tiptoed into the bedroom, and the business man switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife... in bed with another man!

The business man put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife immediated shouted, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money!
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you!
HE paid for our new Mercedes Benz convertible!
HE paid for your Leafs season tickets!
HE paid for your Argos season tickets!
HE paid for our cottage in the Muskokas!
HE paid for our speed boat!
HE paid for your country club membership and HE even pays for your monthly dues!!!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the business man lowered his gun.

He turned to the limo driver and asked "What would you do?"

The limo driver replied, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold...
and give him back the Leafs tickets!" Grin
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Pray_4_War
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« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2014, 04:47:17 AM »

I guess you have to be a Canadian for this one.

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xxxLinda
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« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2014, 06:52:11 AM »

eh?


I lived in Toronto for 17 years (my family emigrated there when I was 14 and I came back to England when I hit 30, a long time ago)

I adore Canadian everything.  Plus people love Canadians.  When someone asks me what part of America I come from I hit the table with my fist and say LindaLand.  Or how about Canada...



Canadian jokes are some of the best.

I still keep in touch with two old friends from when I lived in TO YYZ, I regularly telephone Canada.  And they both always tell me jokes.

Here's two good ones:  They're the type of joke you can tell to a youngster, they're clean and fun (I often have difficulties with sexy jokes):


The snowman says to the other snowman, Wow why have you got your pants down?  Snowman says~:  I heard the snowblower was on the way

Okay you can't tell that to a child oooops

Other one:  What's invisible and smells like a worm?  A bird fart.



Thanks so much to my gay friend Michael at Church and Alexander for the blowjob joke and my mad silly straight friend Paul in Richmond Hill for the bird jokes....


xxxLinda in London England




* HowtopreventBirdFlu.jpg (33.38 KB, 640x435 - viewed 260 times.)
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Pray_4_War
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« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2014, 09:10:01 AM »

My favorite Canadian stuff.....


Laura Michelle Prestin

Steve Nash

Trailer Park Boys

Terence and Philip
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xxxLinda
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« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2014, 11:42:52 AM »

never heard of any of 'em, which is I suppose, your joke?




I can only remember Leonard Cohen and Margaret Atwood, neither of whom were deliberately comedians.  Oh that Justin Bleeber, he's Canadian isn't he?  Oh and waaaaaa how funny he is!


xL

knock knock
who's there?
old lady

Old Lady who?



I didn't know I could yodel





okay I remember Steve Nash, Crosby Stills Nash and Young?  

And that Anne Murray?  She was hot if you were tending toward lesbianism in the early 80s?  I was but a child.
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« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2014, 12:03:51 PM »

I guess you have to be a Canadian for this one.


The punchline indicates that the Maple Leafs are not doing well.
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xxxLinda
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« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2014, 12:09:00 PM »

What I love about Canada:




(I've not been back to TO, but my father retired to Vancouver Island and I've visited there 3 times.)

What's funny is that there is no news.  Just a bit of hockey




I wonder why I left Canada?
xL
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24KT
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« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2014, 06:32:52 PM »


I guess you have to be a Canadian for this one.


Well you don't have to be a Canadian, but more of a 'you won't get it if you're American.'
What American could possibly understand having a gun, and not blowing someone's head off with it? Roll Eyes

Ya'all will shoot anything, ...including shadows. Hey look, there's a shadow... FIRE!!!  Tongue
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24KT
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« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2014, 07:04:01 PM »

A Toronto businessman recently returned home from a business trip a day early.

It was well after midnight, and a nagging sixth sense had been going off all week.

While en route home, and anticipating a nasty confrontation when he got there, he asked the limo driver if he'd be willing to be a witness for an additional $100 tip, in addition to the limo fare from the Toronto airport?

Since it was his last booking, and he would only be going home to an empty apartment, the driver readily agreed.

Quietly arriving home, the business man and his limo driver tiptoed into the bedroom, and the business man switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife... in bed with another man!

The business man put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife immediated shouted, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money!
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you!
HE paid for our new Mercedes Benz convertible!
HE paid for your Leafs season tickets!
HE paid for your Argos season tickets!
HE paid for our cottage in the Muskokas!
HE paid for our speed boat!
HE paid for your country club membership and HE even pays for your monthly dues!!!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the business man lowered his gun.

He turned to the limo driver and asked "What would you do?"

The limo driver replied, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold...
and give him back the Leafs tickets!" Grin

OK, I've decided to re-word this for our cerebrally challenged American friend Pray_4_War.:



Pray_4_War recently returned home a day early, after a week of schmoeing at the Olympia.

It was well after midnight, and a nagging sixth sense had been going off all week.

While en route home, and anticipating a nasty confrontation when he got there, he asked the limo driver if he'd be willing to be a witness for an additional $100 tip, in addition to the limo fare from the airport?

Since it was his last booking, and he would only be going home to an empty apartment, the driver readily agreed.

Quietly arriving home, Pray_4_War and his limo driver tiptoed into the bedroom, where he switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his boyfriend Chadstallion... in bed with another man (Ron Avidan)

Pray_4_War put a gun to Ron Avidan's head.

Chadstallion immediated shouted, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money!
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you!
HE paid for our new Mercedes Benz convertible!
HE paid for your Yankees season tickets!
HE paid for your Denver Broncos Superbowl highlights DVD!
HE paid for our beach house on Fire Island!
HE paid for our speed boat!
HE paid for your gym membership and HE pays for all your protein powders
HE paid for your country club membership and HE even pays for your monthly dues!!!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, Pray_4_War lowered his gun.

He turned to the limo driver and asked "What would you do?"

The limo driver replied, "I'd cover Ron's ass with that blanket before he catches a cold...
and give him back the Denver Bronco's Superbowl highlights DVD!" Grin
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« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2014, 09:55:21 PM »

Well you don't have to be a Canadian, but more of a 'you won't get it if you're American.'


What American could possibly understand having a gun, and not blowing someone's head off with it? Roll Eyes



Ya'all will shoot anything, ...including shadows. Hey look, there's a shadow... FIRE!!!  Tongue

That is exactly what it's like to be an American.  Spot on.

Jeezus, Canada's symbol is a fucking leaf.  You even name your sports teams after leafs.  Fucking pussies.
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xxxLinda
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« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2014, 07:27:58 AM »

Too funny, thank you 24

such a giggle you are
madly xL
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xxxLinda
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thank you Ron & Getbig, I've had so much fun


« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2014, 07:41:24 AM »

What's hilarious is that people elsewhere in the world (ie: here in England London, wouldn't know the diff between Canadians and Americans.  And I've got that bi-Atlantic bi-polar accent.  




After ever speaking American, it sticks, it's just a rolling language and you can't get rid of it.  So I always say awesome the way you do.  Awwwwwwwsm

But when I say Toronto here in England I say it in 3 syllables:  Tor on to.  Otherwise they wouldn't understand me here.  You can't say trona here, or Canda.  You have to say Can a da.  Honest, they don't know what you're on about.  


Very rarely meet Canadians or even hear of them


But when they do travel, they're madly loved.  Everyone loves Canadians.  I travel with a Molson Canadian chiller pack square 2-4 for overnight.  Everyone loves it.  All across Europe.  They love us, they break out in a big smile when they see a Canadian.

But I once tried to travel to Vancouver with that bag as my carry-on and they took me aside and went all through it.  Too funny.  





Heard any good jokes lately? xL

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24KT
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« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2014, 09:42:05 PM »

That is exactly what it's like to be an American.  Spot on.

Jeezus, Canada's symbol is a fucking leaf.  You even name your sports teams after leafs.  Fucking pussies.

You have a problem with men "fucking pussies?"
That explains why you're with Chadstallion, and partying on Fire Island

And for the record, ...our national animal is the beaver, ...not that someone like you could appreciate that.
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