....

[Shockwave]

Using steroids or any drugs is a way of disrespecting your body and what god gave  and blessed you with. It's disrespecting your health for the sake of vanity or artificial goals. It is also cheating, nothing to be proud about.

Guys like Mohamed Ali never used drugs or steroids, still the greatest boxer of all time. His strength and courage came from a deep belief in himself and a deep sense of injustice growing up as a kid and belief in god and spirituality.

When I lost that sense of spirituality deep down within me which previously guided me from transforming from obese to fit I lost my higher power, and everything with it,the greatest drug of all. It wasn't just about losing weight, looking good, being healthy it was something far more fundamental and deeper than that. It was about doing the right things and being a better person. Being humble, shutting mouth, opening ears, doing and not talking.

When I fought I had a look in my eye, it meant something, my whole fucking existence centered around it. Like an army solider who goes to war because he believes in the cause he is fighting for and he is willing to give up his life for it. Nothing comes in his way in that tunnel vision and single tracked mindedness.

I should have never disrespected my god or my coach and jumped on the juice. I tried to take easy way out and now I am rightly paying the price for it.

I will ask for forgiveness and find my way again.

I am Uncle Junior. I am the protector of the weak and vulnerable. I am the Shepherd of Sinai.

All those things mean something to me they are not just lyrics, they fundamentally have deep meaning to me.

Uncle Junior Approved.

Yeah... think youre reaching for an explanation here.

Whenever i stray from my path, i get plenty of clear signs.... whenever i was going to relapse, i was given at least 4 or 5 signs/chances to walk away (one trip, the dealer got a flat.... then i decided to go get him,... i got a flat.... then i put on my spare, i blew a water hose... car had never given me problems up until that point.. and shitty things like that happened until i got myself off the drugs).

Another time i knew i should have just walked away before i got high, all kinds of little things... couldnt get my money out of the ATM (even though it was available), locked myself out of my car, dead battery, etc etc.... only when i was on the verge of failing...... wound up almost losing my job, narrowly avoided going to jail.

I never did listen; i always ignored the obvious sings, got high, and then my life would implode until i straightened myself out.

That has never happened with juice.. it ALWAYS happens when im doing something I know i shouldnt be doing deep down in my soul, and as long as i ignore that bad things happen. But never has that occured to me during hormone usage.

I cant possibly see how if your life is in balance that using hormones is something that would cause negative karma, spirituality, walking away from god, what have you... its a means to an end, and not a particularly dangerous one at that. And its not cheating, theres no rule saying 'you cant build muscle with exogenous hormones' in the 'guide to human life rulebook'.

[_aj_]

That's so nuts and true about what you are saying about the little things giving you signs in life. I get those all the time too. Like I just feel if something is right or wrong before I do it. I just KNOW.
My feelings and instinct are pretty fucking much always spot on but I choose to ignore them and I get mad at myself when I do. It's like a voice that just say's "NO" and then a split second of thought and then I just say fuck it and do what I wasn't supposed to do and pay the price knowing full well I had the chance not to fuck it up. Happened to me so many times I lost count.

Let me explain to you how steroids effect me, it's not just about the steroids or side effects themselves it's about the behavioral changes they bring about in me and how they trigger me down a slippery road more than most people might appreciate.

So when I take juice first off my appetite goes through the roof and I just can't control my eating cos all I wanna do is eat. Not just normal clean food either, like I literally crave junk food and sugar, especially on high dose test. Then I get super horny and agitated. Like I have to fuck or fap like 10 times a day and I can't get no sleep, always on edge.

That makes me wanna party hard. So I will go out to restaurants, go have beers, become way more social than normal and start hitting on every fucking chick possible and setting up hook ups.

I will go out at night when I should be sleeping taking chicks out, getting blowjobs in my car, go to hotels for hook ups, fuck whores, go to parties every single night, drink alcohol, do blow, smoke weed to make me sleep, shit like that.

I have a very fucking addictive personality so one thing literally will lead me down the road to lots of other things in a flash.

Problem is when I come off the juice now I will feel like total shit and never want sex, don't feel like working out, don't go out, become lethargic and depressed and just laze around doing nothing and I can't afford to be like that because it fucks up my life and my work.

If I never took juice it wouldn't have triggered me back to doing all the dum shit I used to do throughout my twenties and early thirties.

So now I am in catch 22 position where I am fucked either way.

That's interesting. When I am on gear (like now), I want to train and eat right and maximize my gains. I never want to party or even drink because I am trying to maximize this time on hormones.

[cephissus]

Even truth from your mouth sounds retarded. STFU.

WELL SAID!

[Shockwave]

That's interesting. When I am on gear (like now), I want to train and eat right and maximize my gains. I never want to party or even drink because I am trying to maximize this time on hormones.

Me too, hormones are actually part of me having a balanced life, HRT did wonders for me, especially since my levels were super low and I had so many negative symptoms of low test.

Some people though, they can roll anything into their addiction lifestyle..... some poeple4, having a cigarette will trigger them to want to get high.

It all depends on ones habits and mindsets, and how thigs interact with the actual addicition.

Sex became very much a part of my meth addiction.... get high, want to fuck.... so then since sex on meth was so much more intense, and meth chicks generally liked it super rough and degrading, it became a part of it. I had to relearn how to have normal sex when i quit and had to learn how to disassociate the two.

To this day, when i see certain kinds of degrading, rough, porn, it triggers a response to want to go get high.

I totally understand where hes coming from, and it sucks that he rolled hormone usage into his party lifestyle. For me, whenever i used hormones, i was in train/diet mode, no drugs, no partying. It became an anti-drug for me.