most distasteful joke you've heard?

[BB]

I'll write it in white to not ruin it, just highlight it -

The running joke was that Toxic Avenger, the guy who died, looked like a Pakistani Dracula.

[visualizeperfection]

I'll write it in white to not ruin it, just highlight it -

The running joke was that Toxic Avenger, the guy who died, looked like a Pakistani Dracula.

Oh.


yeah. the originator of that joke is a foul little autistic piece of assburger shit.







I honestly wish him the worst luck possible in all future endeavors, up to and including his father stubbing his toe regularly.

[D.O.A.]

How do you know if your roomate is gay?
When his dick tastes like shit!

[Waller]

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

[D.O.A.]

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

hahahaha!

[D.O.A.]

 Yeast infections?
Because once in a while women deserve to see what it feels like to live with an irritated  c u n  t.

[Beefjake]

Why there is always a bucket of fresh shit at the chuch door in any African wedding?

- So the flyes wouln't buzz around the bride

[Super Natural]

.

[BigCyp]

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

 

[Tennisballz]

What's the best thing about having sex with 29 year olds?


There's 20 of them.

[visualizeperfection]

What's the best thing about having sex with 29 year olds?


There's 20 of them.

Hi Vince basile

[Mr.Mojo]

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says, "Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said, "This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"



A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."


Howard calls to see his mate Pete, who has a broken leg.
Pete says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Pete's two stunning 18 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dear girls, your Dad sent me up here to fuck ya both."
"Fuck off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Howard says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Pete?"
"Of course, what's the use of fuckin' one?"


Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away


What is the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market


What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck

[ritch]

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

What you you shaking for? She's gonna eat me!!!

[The_Iron_Disciple]

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says, "Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said, "This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"



A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."


Howard calls to see his mate Pete, who has a broken leg.
Pete says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Pete's two stunning 18 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dear girls, your Dad sent me up here to fuck ya both."
"Fuck off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Howard says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Pete?"
"Of course, what's the use of fuckin' one?"


Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away


What is the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market


What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck

GOLD !!

Great jokes, guys !!

[Da Freak]

 

some epic ones here! keep em coming boys!

[Mr.Mojo]

I bought my girlfriend the Josef Fritzl advent calendar.
Every time she tries to open a door, I close it and rape her


Man lying in bed after having sex with his Thai wife.
She keeps stroking his cock. He says, do you like my cock that much? She says, "No I just miss mine."


I called the Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims


Four nuns are killed and arrive at the Gates of Heaven. They line up in front of St Peter.
The first nun says "St Peter, I once saw a man's penis. May I still enter?"
St Peter replies "Wash your eyes in this font of holy water and proceed."
The second nun says "St Peter, I once touched a man's penis. May I still enter?"
St Peter replies "Wash your hands in this font of holy water and proceed."
St Peter suddenly notices a scuffle between the last two nuns.
The fourth nun is trying to cut in front of the third nun. "What is going on?" he asks the fourth nun.
"I'm trying to go first so I can wash my mouth out before she sticks her ass in the font".


Boobs are proof that men CAN focus on two things at once


A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear and the tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet and he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
The Klansmen walk off. As they're walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other one, "Hey, I can understand the first wish, having all those beautiful women to make love to and I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."


What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.


What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!


A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

[The Ugly]

Guy and his girl are finishing up sex when she turns to him and says, "You know, I think you're a pedophile."

Guy scoffs, "Wow, that's a pretty big word for a ten year-old."


Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"

The doctor sits next to him and says, "I have good news and I have bad news. First the bad news: Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine." "Oh my God," says Mr. Jones. "Will she ever recover?"

"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her." Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.

"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her bowels. Of course, you must clean her immediately to avoid bedsores."

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to withe off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand, pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder, and says, "but I have good news as well."

"What could possibly be good about this?!" wails Mr. Jones.

Doctor smiles. "I'm just fucking with you. She's dead."