I love you guys....(no homo)!

[Primemuscle]

Is there some reason why you can't be with her before the problem arises?

We are together most of the day, everyday. We are not joined at the hip.

I think you might be missing the point. She has the right to do as she wishes.It is her choice to do what it takes to be as healthy as possible or not to be.

[Las Vegas]

We are together most of the day, everyday. We are not joined at the hip.

I think you might be missing the point. She has the right to do as she wishes.It is her choice to do what it takes to be as healthy as possible or not to be.

You just said this:

Just so you understand, people in stage 5 kidney failure sometimes get confused and forget things.

[Las Vegas]

So which is it Prime

[Primemuscle]

So which is it Prime

Both. Sometimes she is gets confused and sometimes she is fine. Sometimes she just wants some control over her life and often times she needs some help. If this were as simple as the answer you are looking for, there would be no problem. It is balancing her needs with her desires that creates confusion and tension.

In the end, like all of us, she will die. In the meantime, the goal is to support her in whatever way she wants.

[Las Vegas]

Both. Sometimes she is gets confused and sometimes she is fine. Sometimes she just wants some control over her life and often times she needs some help. If this were as simple as the answer you are looking for, there would be no problem. It is balancing her needs with her desires that creates confusion and tension.

In the end, like all of us, she will die. In the meantime, the goal is to support her in whatever way she wants.

Questions over whether the doctor's orders were followed are what creates confusion and tension, right?

[The Ugly]

When you realize that stuff - you don't want to be "alone" who knows it.. Evem suffering is easier when these around you suffer too. And he's right on many points, the thing is... if many people would realize it - they would go insane, literally. it takes a serious strength to know the "behind the scenes" of life and not to become crazy. His goal is exactly that - to not suffer the realization alone. I'm still not sure whether it is better to suffer as a clueless animal or as an enlightened one tho'.

Thanks, I was sorta asking him, though.

[Primemuscle]

Questions over whether the doctor's orders were followed are what creates confusion and tension, right?

This issue is a little broader than this. Obviously, there is concern over taking her prescribed prescriptions appropriately. Just to be clear, we are not talking about her abusing prescriptions, but remembering to take them as prescribed. This is no small task since some of the dosages change regularly according to lab results. Some meds she was taking no longer are necessary because she gets them as part of dialysis. So in some cases there is less to remember.

She's supposed to check her blood sugar three times a day, always just prior to eating. The fact that she checks her blood sugar less often and somewhat irregularly is not something that just started. She's been diabetic for nearly 40 years. She ignored any symptoms she had for decades. She starting taking having diabetes more seriously when she got diabetic retinopathy and had to have surgery on her eyes. That was what it took for a wake up call.

Tension is caused by balancing being a caregiver and being her partner. As her partner, I respect her desire to remain independent. As her caregiver, I feel an obligation to do everything possible to keep her as healthy as I can. There are times when these two things are at odds. This creates uncertainty and tension for both of us.

[Las Vegas]

This issue is a little broader than this. Obviously, there is concern over taking her prescribed prescriptions appropriately. Just to be clear, we are not talking about her abusing prescriptions, but remembering to take them as prescribed. This is no small task since some of the dosages change regularly according to lab results. Some meds she was taking no longer are necessary because she gets them as part of dialysis. So in some cases there is less to remember.

She's supposed to check her blood sugar three times a day, always just prior to eating. The fact that she checks her blood sugar less often and somewhat irregularly is not something that just started. She's been diabetic for nearly 40 years. She ignored any symptoms she had for decades. She starting taking having diabetes more seriously when she got diabetic retinopathy and had to have surgery on her eyes. That was what it took for a wake up call.

Tension is caused by balancing being a caregiver and being her partner. As her partner, I respect her desire to remain independent. As her caregiver, I feel an obligation to do everything possible to keep her as healthy as I can. There are times when these two things are at odds. This creates uncertainty and tension for both of us.

Of course they will be at odds. That means you have to make a choice in how to act, right?

[FitnessFrenzy]

[Primemuscle]

Of course they will be at odds. That means you have to make a choice in how to act, right?

We are both content to just take things as they come. If my wife feels like I am infringing on her independence, she won't hesitate to let me know.

[Primemuscle]

Sweet photo. -Seems a trifle gay. Remember I characterized this thread as (no homo).   By you guys, I meant guys as in people with no preference as to gender.

[Las Vegas]

We are both content to just take things as they come. If my wife feels like I am infringing on her independence, she won't hesitate to let me know.

You have said several times that you're uninterested in whether she follows the doctor's orders, for one thing, so maybe you could explain what you mean by the above.

[Primemuscle]

You have said several times that you're uninterested in whether she follows the doctor's orders, for one thing, so maybe you could explain what you mean by the above.

Personally, I believe I have answered your questions as honestly as possible. I am curious as to what you are driving at here.

If I said several times that I am not interested in whether she follows doctors orders, I misspoke. I am very concerned about this. I am just not going to bug her about it all the time.

If you have additional questions, I'd be happy to answer you via PM because I don't believe pursuing this same conversation over and over with you is of any interest to others reading this thread.

Go back to the beginning of the thread. I started it because I needed to blow off some steam. The thread was about how I was feeling with regards to taking care of my wife. I believe you have taken it off track.

[Las Vegas]

Personally, I believe I have answered your questions as honestly as possible. I am curious as to what you are driving at here.

If I said several times that I am not interested in whether she follows doctors orders, I misspoke. I am very concerned about this. I am just not going to bug her about it all the time.

You don't need to bug her.  You just need to be there beforehand so she knows she can rely on you.  If you know she doesn't like doing certain things (as you have stated), then why don't you do it for her?  Won't that send her all the right messages?  Won't you be upholding your vows like a champ?

So do it.  Because you will be reliving these last days in your mind, when she is gone.  You'd better believe it now while you have a chance.

If you have additional questions, I'd be happy to answer you via PM because I don't believe pursuing this same conversation over and over with you is of any interest to others reading this thread.

Go back to the beginning of the thread. I started it because I needed to blow off some steam. The thread was about how I was feeling with regards to taking care of my wife. I believe you have taken it off track.

No, it was right on track.  It was what you needed to know.  Now you do know it, so it's on you.

[polychronopolous]

Personally, I believe I have answered your questions as honestly as possible. I am curious as to what you are driving at here.

If I said several times that I am not interested in whether she follows doctors orders, I misspoke. I am very concerned about this. I am just not going to bug her about it all the time.

If you have additional questions, I'd be happy to answer you via PM because I don't believe pursuing this same conversation over and over with you is of any interest to others reading this thread.

Go back to the beginning of the thread. I started it because I needed to blow off some steam. The thread was about how I was feeling with regards to taking care of my wife. I believe you have taken it off track.

You had a few drinks and was looking for a fight that evening.

[Primemuscle]

You had a few drinks and was looking for a fight that evening.

This is a real possibility. I do tend to blur things that are getting me down with a little too much scotch. I don't think I was looking for a fight though. I was looking for a way to cope with a difficult situation that isn't going to go away. I am a fixer. It really gets me down when I can't fix something.

Focusing on the positive; everything has been much better since I started this thread. It would seem I needed an outlet. You all stepped up to the plate and allowed me this. Thank you and my wife thanks you too.

In fairness, as she continued with dialysis, she has become much more rational and more like the woman I know and love. It seems like it is a win. We don't know how long the win will last, but let's hope it is for quite awhile.

[Primemuscle]

You don't need to bug her.  You just need to be there beforehand so she knows she can rely on you.  If you know she doesn't like doing certain things (as you have stated), then why don't you do it for her?  Won't that send her all the right messages?  Won't you be upholding your vows like a champ?

So do it.  Because you will be reliving these last days in your mind, when she is gone.  You'd better believe it now while you have a chance.

No, it was right on track.  It was what you needed to know.  Now you do know it, so it's on you.

I agree with some of what you've posted. My wife does need to know that I am there for her and I need to be there for her when she needs me. As long as she has a voice, she can ask for help when she needs it.

As for doing certain things for her that she doesn't or won't do for herself, well that's a bit of a different story. She is desperately hanging onto remaining as independent as possible. This is the really touchy area. For now, we are both good with her asking for help. Should things change and she is no longer in a place where she can reasonably do this, it will trigger reevaluating this part as long as I am around to fill that gap.

Sometimes I don't feel like much of a champ. All our family and friends keep telling me I am, but that just does not make it so. I am grateful that I have so much support. I can't imagine how people get through this stuff when they don't have a network behind them.

[polychronopolous]

This is a real possibility. I do tend to blur things that are getting me down with a little too much scotch. I don't think I was looking for a fight though. I was looking for a way to cope with a difficult situation that isn't going to go away. I am a fixer. It really gets me down when I can't fix something.

Focusing on the positive; everything has been much better since I started this thread. It would seem I needed an outlet. You all stepped up to the plate and allowed me this. Thank you and my wife thanks you too.

In fairness, as she continued with dialysis, she has become much more rational and more like the woman I know and love. It seems like it is a win. We don't know how long the win will last, but let's hope it is for quite awhile.

I think it was good for you....you've been alot more laid back since then.

Bro you sounded pretty stressed out that evening!

[Primemuscle]

I think it was good for you....you've been alot more laid back since then.

Bro you sounded pretty stressed out that evening!

I was out of my mind with stress. You guys rule. Thanks.

[Las Vegas]

I agree with some of what you've posted. My wife does need to know that I am there for her and I need to be there for her when she needs me. As long as she has a voice, she can ask for help when she needs it.

As for doing certain things for her that she doesn't or won't do for herself, well that's a bit of a different story. She is desperately hanging onto remaining as independent as possible. This is the really touchy area. For now, we are both good with her asking for help. Should things change and she is no longer in a place where she can reasonably do this, it will trigger reevaluating this part as long as I am around to fill that gap.

Sometimes I don't feel like much of a champ. All our family and friends keep telling me I am, but that just does not make it so. I am grateful that I have so much support. I can't imagine how people get through this stuff when they don't have a network behind them.

With all due respect, Prime, you are both not good with her asking for help.  If that were true, this wouldn't be happening:

The main issue is checking her blood sugar. She's supposed to do this before every meal and if it is over 200 give herself an insulin shot. The shots are something new for her. She was on an oral medication for blood sugar control but that was causing her to have low blood sugar which is very dangerous too. She doesn't like doing this. If no one reminds her to check her blood sugar, she'll often skip it and the insulin shot. If I remind her by asking if she's checked it, she sometimes snaps back that she's got it under control and to stop treating her like a child. This is what started the ruckus last night.

And she wouldn't have unresolved issues that has led you to keep an unused CPAP in the closet.

This is the truth, isn't it?

[The Scott]

Stop mocking arabs as the joke is in yourself.

Pathetic.  Go intercourse yourself.

[Las Vegas]

I'm not trying to harass you Prime.  These are things that once you face, it will make you both feel much better.  Lots of people right here can help you find answers to things like CPAP alternatives and diabetes issues.  You like to communicate, so why not use it for these things?

As for right now, the most important thing you can do is to be with her when it's time to do a medical procedure.  It gives you the perfect opportunity to connect and to show her what she means to you.  And knowing the doctor's orders are being followed will give you the security of mind to enjoy that quality of life you mentioned.  

All immediate problems solved with just a little bit of effort from you.

Won't you start doing it, now?

[Primemuscle]

With all due respect, Prime, you are both not good with her asking for help.  If that were true, this wouldn't be happening:

And she wouldn't have unresolved issues that has led you to keep an unused CPAP in the closet.

This is the truth, isn't it?

The unused CPAP in the closet is hers. She put it there because she refused to use it. This was never an issue between us.

Exactly what is happening?

[Kim Jong Bob]

Prime is a good man. If it wasnt for his lust for dudes he would make a stand up citizen in best korea

[bigmc]

how would your wife feel if she read this thread prime