Steroids are addictive. While on you feel confident, aggressive and a feeling of well being. It's like it's an anti depressant. When you go off as the androgens leave your body you start to lose muscle. You start feeling nervous, timid and depressed. If you are taking injectables it takes awhile for them to leave your system. I've been around this game for a long time. Many will give up lifting saying lifting without drugs is a waste of time.
Psychologically it hurts. Let's call a spade a spade. You like the compliments you get on your muscles. The insecure little boy in you likes the affirmation from others that you are a man because of your drug body. You're willing to take a risk toward good health to get that security blanket that temporary steroid muscles provide.
What needs to be done in my bro opinion is to go cold turkey off. In time you will lose muscle and gain fat. You will feel jittery for awhile and feeling low. You will feel self conscience of your fading muscles and loss of cuts. It's tough to train now because instead of increasing poundage, increasing reps and decreasing rest time between sets the opposite is happening when you train. What will happen if you keep up training and doing cardio eventually you will start looking good. No, not like you did on steroids but a real physique that isn't a cosmetic drug fake one. In the months to come you will start to enjoy training clean but it will be a process. Instead of spending money on the syringes, vials and pills you will start to feel great in time. Suddenly looking at pictures of drug bodybuilders doesn't impress you as much as some MMA, wrestlers, boxers, running back, sprinters, Olympic lifters, gymnastic and others. You have a different appreciation for what a good physique is and a drug bodybuilder isn't a good physique.
Don't listen to the fans of these drugs. They use rationalization when they down play the risks and claim every athlete is on them. Reminds me of the smoker who says their grandfather who is 80 smoked since he was 15. Steroids are a risk to health. I think the number one risk is to your heart. Don't listen to the guy who says I gave up drugs with no problems and I look just about as good. You know you are listening to an out right liar or someone who is delusional. The drugs of today you buy on the street are cooked in home labs from materials sourced from China or are outright counterfeits from China/Russia. It's really easy for them to make boxes, inserts and labels to make it look like it came from a legit lab. Who knows what contamination and mislabeled junk you're taking. You might think you are injecting deca and what's in the vial is straight testosterone with contamination of other materials. Too much of straight testosterone can cause an enlarged prostate gland and trouble urinating. Doctors treat an enlarged prostate gland with a pill to cut off your own testosterone. Sounds like a problem doesn't it?
