First you say I am unnecessarily disciplined. Now .. you claim I have no discipline. You seem to "contradict" yourself 
You know exactly what i mean, anyone with any form of discipline wouldn't let them self look like this

You know yourself you can only hold it for so long, sooner or later its back to the usual look.
Why dont you try eating sensibly and taking a trt dose for a while and try and get something that is easily maintainable, at the moment all the drugs are keeping you at 195lbs, jeez 195lbs at 5'11 is within anyones reach taking a trt dose.
Eating like you do and taking what you are taking you would be 230 at least if you had the right genetics.
Face it Sev, its not for you.