Author Topic: Meltdown  (Read 4670 times)

Wiggs

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #25 on: August 04, 2015, 09:06:35 AM »
I'm strongly considering quitting my job and walking away from my current life, inasmuch as possible.  My daily grind wears me out, leaving me no closer to achieving my goals, or defining new ones.  And without goals to sustain me, my vitality is slipping away.

I've tried to advance (with some success) within my current "career", but after two years I find myself less enthused and weaker than ever.  I feel stuck in the "wrong place"; I can't find enthusiasm for any "career path" I can envision.

Has anyone gone through a similar experience?  What happened?

Did you have the courage to "make the leap", or did you stick with it?

Good luck brotha.  Do what makes you happy. Not saying you're one of these people but people that chase money are never satisfied, you just want more and it's never enough.
7

Thespritz0

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #26 on: August 04, 2015, 09:22:35 AM »
I'm strongly considering quitting my job and walking away from my current life, inasmuch as possible.  My daily grind wears me out, leaving me no closer to achieving my goals, or defining new ones.  And without goals to sustain me, my vitality is slipping away.

I've tried to advance (with some success) within my current "career", but after two years I find myself less enthused and weaker than ever.  I feel stuck in the "wrong place"; I can't find enthusiasm for any "career path" I can envision.

Has anyone gone through a similar experience?  What happened?

Did you have the courage to "make the leap", or did you stick with it?
^^
For one thing, Bro- you cook FAR BETTER than most "Chefs" I've met,
so the world is that much poorer for you NOT sharing your prodigious culinary talents!!!
GO with the food truck idea, IF you have a darn good idea...
STICK with a few good dishes you can sell, when you strike $$$ don't change the formula!!!

SF1900

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #27 on: August 04, 2015, 09:22:39 AM »
Good luck brotha.  Do what makes you happy. Not saying you're one of these people but people that chase money are never satisfied, you just want more and it's never enough.

x2.

I mean, there is definitely a balance between money and happiness. Some peoples problems are directly related to money. Thus, giving these people a shit load of money, and there problems are cured. It becomes more complicated if you have issues related to money, plus OTHER issues. Even money can't make certain issues go away. We've seen it with so many rich people who kill themselves.

Most of us will never be wealthy. Trying to be happy with what you have is important, but it doesn't mean struggling either. A fine balance between the two is probably most healthy.
X

Waller

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #28 on: August 04, 2015, 09:26:29 AM »
I've been in a massive rut for a while too now.. stuck in an area that's scarce for career opportunities. To make matters worse I have ill health too now.

Best of luck to everyone else in this shitty position.

Yamcha

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #29 on: August 04, 2015, 10:00:20 AM »
^^
Dude, you must get home early in the day!!!


5 am to 1 pm. Then I workout and personal train some more. I'm living the life. The state pays for my healthcare since I am employed by a college. It's great stuff. I do work alternate weekends though, switching with the evening manager. 12 days on/ 2 off, but those weekend shifts are "on call" so to speak; the front desk girl is left in charge and calls when I am needed.
a

Wiggs

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #30 on: August 04, 2015, 10:03:58 AM »
x2.

I mean, there is definitely a balance between money and happiness. Some peoples problems are directly related to money. Thus, giving these people a shit load of money, and there problems are cured. It becomes more complicated if you have issues related to money, plus OTHER issues. Even money can't make certain issues go away. We've seen it with so many rich people who kill themselves.

Most of us will never be wealthy. Trying to be happy with what you have is important, but it doesn't mean struggling either. A fine balance between the two is probably most healthy.

 8)
7

FitnessFrenzy

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #31 on: August 04, 2015, 10:30:05 AM »
Invent a bicep supination machine like this mountain of muscle



would love to be that tree and feel his chubby and sweaty hands all over me (no homo)

Thespritz0

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #32 on: August 04, 2015, 10:33:50 AM »
would love to be that tree and feel his chubby and sweaty hands all over me (no homo)
^^
The QUESTION is if the hands would SUPINATE or not... :D

SuperTed

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #33 on: August 04, 2015, 12:57:06 PM »
.

Waller

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #34 on: August 04, 2015, 01:00:34 PM »

Hulk-smash!

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #35 on: August 04, 2015, 01:03:47 PM »
Hotel management might be on option >

http://www.worldrainbowhotels.com/caribbean
I

mr.turbo

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #36 on: August 04, 2015, 01:04:39 PM »
In all seriousness, take some time to be selfish while you are young. Find your calling.

I was stuck in the corporate world, living in a cubicle hating my life just like you, but I knew I wanted out (just like you) so I studied up for a personal training certification. I got certified trained for two years (started out slow in the $$$), but a door opened.

I now work as a manger (and personal train) at a community college's recreational center that has a very nice weight room (would be considered "hardcore" with the right music playing). I love my job. I love it so much that I wake up at 3:30 am and commute 45 minutes to open the gym at 5.

So gravitate towards your passions. Life is short so don't spend it being miserable, unless you are supporting a family.

lol was this supposed to be penned by hulk-smash?

nice work keep it up.
"

forillagorilla

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #37 on: August 04, 2015, 01:15:42 PM »
Shoot me a PM man..

mr.turbo

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #38 on: August 04, 2015, 01:20:03 PM »
Also I do recommend steroids for all depressed males, and not anti depressants.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/drobson324.htm
"

Montague

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #39 on: August 04, 2015, 01:32:49 PM »
Open a traveling petting zoo.


ROFLMFAO...

You are my favorite poster for August!!!
 :D :D :D

Teutonic Knight

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #40 on: August 04, 2015, 01:33:21 PM »
would love to be that tree and feel his chubby and sweaty hands all over me (no homo)

 :D :D :D
   :D :D
      8)

cephissus

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #41 on: August 04, 2015, 05:18:58 PM »
Thanks for the replies, everyone.  Tapeworm, I particularly liked yours.

I'm taking a week off work, and the thoughts are just flooding in.  I don't know where to start, so I'm just going to write -- I HAVE to write.

As many of you who follow my other threads probably know, I've lost a lot of weight.  When I started my job two years ago, I weighed about 200; last week I was 165.

At first, I was out the door in the morning and home again about 10 hours later.  Then 12... now 14.  Down to about 4.5 hours sleep on average.

Having a deep hatred of sedentary life, I quickly ordered a standing desk at work.  Better than sitting, right?  At first, I stood almost 100% of the time.  Then my ankles started swelling, and I forced myself to sit for increasingly longer portions of the day.  Now, I can't stand for more than 30-40 minutes TOTAL without brutal swelling.  Furthermore, I hurt my achilles by squatting without proper warmup two weeks ago, and it just won't heal.  An ankle injury by squatting... lol... that's how STIFF my whole body is.

I started doing more and more cardio to "compensate" for having to sit all day.  At first it felt great, then slowly but surely, I started feeling like shit.

Weaker and weaker, I chose to do less and less.  I would get home and just start cooking: I didn't want to take off my backpack, because I felt too weak to go up another flight of stairs and put it away.  I didn't want to bend over to untie my shoes, because I was too stiff.  I put off doing laundry til the last possible second, because I didn't want to spend the energy to go downstairs.  And how SLOW I moved!  Something as simple as putting a sheet back on my bed took many frustration-filled minutes.

In the morning, I didn't want to shave, because that meant bending down to reach the bottom drawer where I kept my lotion.  I didn't want to get out of the shower, because the cold was too harsh.  I was wearing sweatshirts in 90 degree weather due to chronically low body temperature.

Worse yet, however, is the mental price I pay for my job.  I work in tech support and I'm 28 (to answer someone's earlier question).  My work seems to me utterly worthless.  Rather than face the neverending influx of support requests (most of which are hopeless, interminable and petty), nearly everyone in my position expends the minimum energy on customer support and focuses their instead on escape, or "career advancement".

So focused on escape, slowly but surely I cut everything out of my life which didnt bring me closer to the goal.  Videogames, movies, books, hobbies... I haven't been able to focus on any of them for at least a year.  I loved videogames most of all, and haven't played probably more than 15 hours total this year.  I try to watch a movie here and there, or read a book on the bus home, but these activities are utterly joyless -- I'm overwhelmed by thoughts of work or the neverending list of chores that build up.

I feel little to no emotion anymore.  Creative thought, which has always been my "pride and joy" has utterly left me.  Well, not utterly -- I still find ways to spend most of my time working on side projects at work, though I struggle to justify their value to the business.  I pour what little creative energy I still have into programming projects of little importance or interest.

Speaking of programming, I excelled in my computer science program and yet struggled with interviews.  As a result, I took my present job (a far lowlier position) and yet still haven't been able to transition to programmer.  A dozen friends from my graduating class, many of whom I tutored, now hold programming positions at my company, making far more money than me... you'd think this would motivate me, but I struggle to find any motivation to continue pursuit of this next "logical advancement".

I convinced myself I need to manage my time more carefully.  I should bike into work, thereby skipping the horrendously slow bus and cutting out cardio from my routine.  I would eat more, earlier in the day, and limit cooking  -- simple meals, short prep, and limited grocery expense.  I would get SLEEP.

Sunday night, though, I snapped -- trying to figure out how to implement all these plans at once made my head spin.  Biking into work and doing some squats... sounded good on paper, but the thought made me sick.  My knees were blown out -- while hungry, they feel like they're going to snap.  Even walking around, I feel like a creaky 90 year old man after an hour or so.  When I've eaten, I feel fine and full of energy -- but it's an illusion.  As soon as I start to squat, run, etc. I quickly run into a wall.  The pain is still there, only distant, muted.

I needed rest, and food.  So here I am, on a REAL vacation at last.  My prior vacations have all been filled with work, side projects I hoped might blossom into alternate business ventures.  I've slept 12+ hours per day, ate 15000-20000 (not a typo) calories over the past 36 hours, and skipped my first workouts in probably over a year and a half.  I've watched movies, read, ordered a monitor I can use to play some games on, and tried to "forget myself" until my ankle heals and I feel I can safely do some exercise again.  

But still, I find myself wondering... will I have the energy to make sensible changes once I go back?  Or do I take courage, and make the leap... quit without a plan?

A "huge mistake"?  Or is the "huge mistake" being like so many other people, trapped in a life they hate?  Is a "huge mistake" necessary, to develop the courage I need?

And for those who say I sound "depressed", no shit.  For those who suggest medication, go fuck yourself.  99% of my coworkers use depression medication.  It's called caffeine, and is supplied by the employer free of charge.  One sip of that vile shit and you're perfectly content to sit on your ass doodling your life away.  Nevermind provigil, adderall, and the like... oh, and lets not forget sugary treats while we're at it.

It's like saying to someone who keeps plunging his hand into a fire, "ah, but you need salves and bandages", as if plunging ones hand into a fire is perfectly normal and expected behavior.

Anyway, hate on, and thanks for reading.

Suicide is the only option for someone so beta....

The highlight of your day occurs when (rarely) someone expresses how funny they found one of your posts.  I was like you once... some day, you'll get tired of such petty "thrills".  Or perhaps not...

SF1900

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #42 on: August 04, 2015, 05:24:33 PM »
Thanks for the replies, everyone.  Tapeworm, I particularly liked yours.

I'm taking a week off work, and the thoughts are just flooding in.  I don't know where to start, so I'm just going to write -- I HAVE to write.

As many of you who follow my other threads probably know, I've lost a lot of weight.  When I started my job two years ago, I weighed about 200; last week I was 165.

At first, I was out the door in the morning and home again about 10 hours later.  Then 12... now 14.  Down to about 4.5 hours sleep on average.

Having a deep hatred of sedentary life, I quickly ordered a standing desk at work.  Better than sitting, right?  At first, I stood almost 100% of the time.  Then my ankles started swelling, and I forced myself to sit for increasingly longer portions of the day.  Now, I can't stand for more than 30-40 minutes TOTAL without brutal swelling.  Furthermore, I hurt my achilles by squatting without proper warmup two weeks ago, and it just won't heal.  An ankle injury by squatting... lol... that's how STIFF my whole body is.

I started doing more and more cardio to "compensate" for having to sit all day.  At first it felt great, then slowly but surely, I started feeling like shit.

Weaker and weaker, I chose to do less and less.  I would get home and just start cooking: I didn't want to take off my backpack, because I felt too weak to go up another flight of stairs and put it away.  I didn't want to bend over to untie my shoes, because I was too stiff.  I put off doing laundry til the last possible second, because I didn't want to spend the energy to go downstairs.  And how SLOW I moved!  Something as simple as putting a sheet back on my bed took many frustration-filled minutes.

In the morning, I didn't want to shave, because that meant bending down to reach the bottom drawer where I kept my lotion.  I didn't want to get out of the shower, because the cold was too harsh.  I was wearing sweatshirts in 90 degree weather due to chronically low body temperature.

Worse yet, however, is the mental price I pay for my job.  I work in tech support and I'm 28 (to answer someone's earlier question).  My work seems to me utterly worthless.  Rather than face the neverending influx of support requests (most of which are hopeless, interminable and petty), nearly everyone in my position expends the minimum energy on customer support and focuses their instead on escape, or "career advancement".

So focused on escape, slowly but surely I cut everything out of my life which didnt bring me closer to the goal.  Videogames, movies, books, hobbies... I haven't been able to focus on any of them for at least a year.  I loved videogames most of all, and haven't played probably more than 15 hours total this year.  I try to watch a movie here and there, or read a book on the bus home, but these activities are utterly joyless -- I'm overwhelmed by thoughts of work or the neverending list of chores that build up.

I feel little to no emotion anymore.  Creative thought, which has always been my "pride and joy" has utterly left me.  Well, not utterly -- I still find ways to spend most of my time working on side projects at work, though I struggle to justify their value to the business.  I pour what little creative energy I still have into programming projects of little importance or interest.

Speaking of programming, I excelled in my computer science program and yet struggled with interviews.  As a result, I took my present job (a far lowlier position) and yet still haven't been able to transition to programmer.  A dozen friends from my graduating class, many of whom I tutored, now hold programming positions at my company, making far more money than me... you'd think this would motivate me, but I struggle to find any motivation to continue pursuit of this next "logical advancement".

I convinced myself I need to manage my time more carefully.  I should bike into work, thereby skipping the horrendously slow bus and cutting out cardio from my routine.  I would eat more, earlier in the day, and limit cooking  -- simple meals, short prep, and limited grocery expense.  I would get SLEEP.

Sunday night, though, I snapped -- trying to figure out how to implement all these plans at once made my head spin.  Biking into work and doing some squats... sounded good on paper, but the thought made me sick.  My knees were blown out -- while hungry, they feel like they're going to snap.  Even walking around, I feel like a creaky 90 year old man after an hour or so.  When I've eaten, I feel fine and full of energy -- but it's an illusion.  As soon as I start to squat, run, etc. I quickly run into a wall.  The pain is still there, only distant, muted.

I needed rest, and food.  So here I am, on a REAL vacation at last.  My prior vacations have all been filled with work, side projects I hoped might blossom into alternate business ventures.  I've slept 12+ hours per day, ate 15000-20000 (not a typo) calories over the past 36 hours, and skipped my first workouts in probably over a year and a half.  I've watched movies, read, ordered a monitor I can use to play some games on, and tried to "forget myself" until my ankle heals and I feel I can safely do some exercise again.  

But still, I find myself wondering... will I have the energy to make sensible changes once I go back?  Or do I take courage, and make the leap... quit without a plan?

A "huge mistake"?  Or is the "huge mistake" being like so many other people, trapped in a life they hate?  Is a "huge mistake" necessary, to develop the courage I need?

And for those who say I sound "depressed", no shit.  For those who suggest medication, go fuck yourself.  99% of my coworkers use depression medication.  It's called caffeine, and is supplied by the employer free of charge.  One sip of that vile shit and you're perfectly content to sit on your ass doodling your life away.  Nevermind provigil, adderall, and the like... oh, and lets not forget sugary treats while we're at it.

It's like saying to someone who keeps plunging his hand into a fire, "ah, but you need salves and bandages", as if plunging ones hand into a fire is perfectly normal and expected behavior.

Anyway, hate on, and thanks for reading.

The highlight of your day occurs when (rarely) someone expresses how funny they found one of your posts.  I was like you once... some day, you'll get tired of such petty "thrills".  Or perhaps not...

X

cephissus

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #43 on: August 04, 2015, 05:28:28 PM »
As for what I would do if I quit... at first, I think I would try to get work at a restaurant.  Something vigorous and active, which afforded me more time and less money.  More time to find a real way forward, to find something which excites me, which I can excel at and be rewarded for pouring my energy into.

Another nasty side effect of all the mental effects, is that I spend exorbitant amounts of money and save little.  With so little energy, I'm willing to trade money for time, every time... the end result is $50-$100 daily in random expenditures, willingness to get killed on rent, and little accruing in the bank account.

_aj_

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #44 on: August 04, 2015, 05:38:08 PM »
Are you sure that there isn't a medical reason for your lack of energy or drive? Vitamin deficiency? Thyroid or other hormone issues?

cephissus

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #45 on: August 04, 2015, 06:11:57 PM »
Are you sure that there isn't a medical reason for your lack of energy or drive? Vitamin deficiency? Thyroid or other hormone issues?

I don't know.  I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago, they said i was perfectly healthy.  Blood test normal.

That said, I recently read a few article which resonated very strongly with me:

http://www.metabolicedge.net/2013/09/diagnosis-of-chronic-energy-deprivation.html
http://www.metabolicedge.net/2013/09/why-dieting-can-actually-make-you-fat.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthyroid_sick_syndrome

I think I trashed the test results a little while ago, wish I would have held on to them.  I specifically remember the doc saying "well your thyroid levels are normal so that's a relief" -- however, that's exactly the case with sick euthyroid syndrome.

At the time, I wanted to hear I was healthy.  Of course, I knew I wasn't.  I knew I needed to eat more, sleep more.  But what's at the "root" of the problem?

I don't seem able to simply fix one thing at a time.  Have I let myself go too far?  I'm not sure if a simple vacation can give me the energy I need to plunge back in and begin with piecewise reconstruction of my life.  I may need a longer term break.

I'm trying to follow my instincts, for once.  I've ignored them my whole life, always clinging to ideals imposed on my from others.  If I just listen, maybe I can figure it out:

- rest more
- eat more
- exercise less abusively
- new job
- socialize more

etc.

The goals are clear, but the "how", not so much...

The_Iron_Disciple

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #46 on: August 04, 2015, 06:13:12 PM »
Do a couple lines of coke. You'll be right as rain.

_bruce_

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #47 on: August 05, 2015, 02:14:51 AM »
.

O.Z.

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #48 on: August 05, 2015, 02:41:10 AM »
I don't know.  I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago, they said i was perfectly healthy.  Blood test normal.

That said, I recently read a few article which resonated very strongly with me:

http://www.metabolicedge.net/2013/09/diagnosis-of-chronic-energy-deprivation.html
http://www.metabolicedge.net/2013/09/why-dieting-can-actually-make-you-fat.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthyroid_sick_syndrome

I think I trashed the test results a little while ago, wish I would have held on to them.  I specifically remember the doc saying "well your thyroid levels are normal so that's a relief" -- however, that's exactly the case with sick euthyroid syndrome.

At the time, I wanted to hear I was healthy.  Of course, I knew I wasn't.  I knew I needed to eat more, sleep more.  But what's at the "root" of the problem?

I don't seem able to simply fix one thing at a time.  Have I let myself go too far?  I'm not sure if a simple vacation can give me the energy I need to plunge back in and begin with piecewise reconstruction of my life.  I may need a longer term break.

I'm trying to follow my instincts, for once.  I've ignored them my whole life, always clinging to ideals imposed on my from others.  If I just listen, maybe I can figure it out:

- rest more
- eat more
- exercise less abusively
- new job
- socialize more

etc.

The goals are clear, but the "how", not so much...

This is your problem. A very common in today's society.
take a break from everything for a week or so, from work, gym...just rest, eat, watch movies, go for a walk...
You need to recharge yourself and the only way to do it is to take a break from everything.



BigCyp

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Re: Meltdown
« Reply #49 on: August 05, 2015, 03:07:06 AM »
If you don't have wife/kids/mortgage commitment etc, then do whatever the fuck you like bro! Start a new career, start a new business, go travel, the blue oyster is your world.