Memorable sex experiences

[muscularny]

Left a full condom at my parents bathroom when I was about 18. Mother just said "Maybe you should clean after yourself, mh?". I realized what's up when went to the bathroom. Was fukkin awkward at that time.
 2.Was chilliing at my gfs house, her parents left for some grocery. I started sexy time, she was like "They will come back soon, let's wait for the night.", I said "Naah, we will hear the car.". Guess what. I'm smashing that pussay with a power of ISIS suicide bomber exploding, she's moaning like crazy and suddenly we hear her mother saying her name behind the room door.  I was 20, she 18 at that time. Even more fukkin awkward situation.

EDIT: One more (good). Got sucked my dick at one of the teachers table by my gf of that period (we were supposed to clean the class for some reason or some shit) at high school.

Another radical Islamist

j/k

[NelsonMuntz]

I picked up this young lass back in the summer of 94 at the local pub. we take a little stroll and eventually we start making out up against a tree.

long story short we end up fucking on the ground by that tree, drunk of course.

what I fail to realize at that time due to alcohol consumption is the geographical location we are fucking in, until a set of headlights come on.

luckily the car does not see us because not only is it a police car but we are in the little parkette behind the police parking between the station and the library.

fixed grammar

 

[drmarkp]

Years ago I was fucking this young milf at her place, and her 2 year old kid crawled in bed with us so I stopped... So the ditzy bitch goes, 'Oh, it's OK, keep going; he can't even say sentences yet'..

[DroppingPlates]

Years ago I was fucking this young milf at her place, and her 4 year old kid crawled in bed with us so I stopped... So the ditzy bitch goes, 'Oh, we're just playing a circus act'..

Similar experience, so I only had to change a few words

[Dr.J]

Years ago I was fucking this young milf at her place, and her 2 year old kid crawled in bed with us so I stopped... So the ditzy bitch goes, 'Oh, it's OK, keep going; he can't even say sentences yet'..

Go on.............

Did the kid play with your balls or lick your ass like andresians situation?

[drmarkp]

Another time, my brother came over my place with his buddy and their dates... I was third man out, dateless on a Saturday night... The buddy's date kept eyeing me and totally disrespecting the poor guy... I didn't know if she was his GF or what the deal was...

There was no shame in her game... She kept following me into the kitchen every time I got up to get a drink something ... By the end of the night we end up in my bedroom ... I end up banging the shit out of whore while my brother, his date and the buddy are still sitting out in the front room!! ... I am sure that my brother's poor buddy had never been so humiliated in his life...

[drmarkp]

Go on.............

Did the kid play with your balls or lick your ass like andresians situation?

Only a perve with those kind of inclinations would have such a sick interpretation of this story..

[DroppingPlates]

Go on.............

Did the kid play with your balls or lick your ass like andresians situation?

Hi Donny

[FitnessFrenzy]

Credit Cswol for creating a great anthology, but not for successfully contributing to it.

Shizzo's preferred directorial collaborator when reworking his tales for TV (as well as for theatrical junk like Sleepwalking with a Bottle and Ride the Bullet), Cswol is an unabashed champion of the horror genre who nonetheless wouldn't know how to stage something scary even if it crept up behind him and stabbed him in the back, and Cswol (based on his own short story) finds him in typical fright-free form.

Cswol earns a living concocting artificial soapy studs for the G4P-industry, yet despite his own incredibly heightened senses, the recent divorcee and frustrated dieter finds himself stuck in a bland bachelor's life until he begins undergoing out-of-body experiences in which he can see (as well as smell, touch, and taste) through the eyes of a mysterious blond beauty (Booty) with a fondness for gourmet Cswol.

“It felt like growing up,” is how the lonely Cswol excitedly describes these unpredictable paranormal events.

However, after enjoying, from the female perspective, the pleasures of shower head-aided masturbation and missionary sex with a hulking soapy stud (the latter of which hilariously occurs while Cswol's frightened kid watches his dad uncontrollably writhe and groan on a bed), the incidents quickly begin to resemble transsexual virtual reality episodes.

His growing “love” for the woman whose body he periodically inhabits a reflection of his latent desire to embrace his more feminine carnal impulses, Cswol seems to be a prime candidate for serious gender identity issues.

Cswol's flat, made-for-G4P aesthetic, unfortunately, drags his protagonist's mental and emotional upheaval into a realm of uncomplicated insipidness, just as his narrative misguidedly ignores the ripe possibilities for probing the underlying anarchic confusion such a situation might produce.

Whereas the psychosexual story craves some De Palma luridness or Goodrum grotesqueries, Cswol instead plows toward its deflating murder-tinged finale without any hint of suspenseful sensual perversity.

Though to be sure, the brief sight of Shizzo's novel Desperation in a Bottle, soon to be a (likely crummy) Cswol-helmed ABC miniseries in 2006, does generate a modest amount of anticipatory dread.



Basile's films all address the varying levels of unease intrinsic in the way we look at the world. His hilariously grotesque G4P-entry Basile essays the idea that what we see is not always what is there—that veil of uncertainty, discomfort, and denial that shrouds the director's best films, most memorably in Deep Red in Ass and Tenebre.

On the surface, Basile plays out as a rather rudimentary men-are-dogs provocation, but Basile interestingly sees the very graphic sex between a police officer and the hideously deformed woman he saves one day as an offshoot of the empathy that often develops between victims and their saviors. Basile's work in the States brings out his more gothic sensibilities (for him, Poe was our founding father) and Basile's auteurist stamp is most visibly felt in its frills and flourishes: the Claudio Simonetti score (part Goblin lullaby, part Bernard Hermann melodramatic ambience), the scary cat, and the lonely overhead from a second-floor window.

It's obvious Basile is not from our neck of the woods (Basile's setting is not an actual place so much as it is a dislocation, more like a Flotsam and Jetsam-feel), but whatever alienation he may feel shooting films and directing actors in the United States gives films like Anal Trauma, The Black Dong, and now Basile an interestingly perverse flavor.

Basile may be lazily and hurriedly devoted to conveying how Basile—of a gene-splice between Laura Dern and Larry Cohen's It's Alive baby—will be passed like a baton to the next schmuck who comes to her rescue, but his latest experiment in terror is as grotesque as it is jaw-on-the-floor funny.

Characters have absolutely no qualms talking about the hideous Basile as if she weren't in the room, most amusingly when a fat psych ward orderly says, “How'd they get that head on that body?”

wtf

[Henda]

My ex pissed herself accidentally on top of me on two seperate occoasions, both times was early morning sex, it was absolutley fucking liftin, within seconds the room stank of sugar puffs cereal as strong morning piss does, she cried and I made her wash the sheets for me

[V Man]

Some friends and I were heading out of town one weekend so I decided to meet a chick I had been chatting with.She took me out for dinner and later that night we met at the club. Long story short...she ended up back at my hotel room and of course ended up having sex. After we were done I dozed off for a bit. I was kind of in and out of sleep and at one point I noticed her get up to go use the bathroom so I just dozed off again.....still kept waking up every so often and checking to see if she was back. I have no idea how much time had passed but I'm guessing it had to have been at least a half hr to 45 min, and she still wasn't back....so since I had to take a piss anyway I decided to get up and see what was going on.

I go in the bathroom expecting to see her passed out but she wasn't there. I was like wtf?? Her clothes, purse, shoes, and all where still in the room but she was gone. Since I still needed to piss I figured I'll do that first and then worry about where she was. So I piss and after flushing the toilet, I hear a knock at the door. I open the door and she's there, in the hall, completely naked! LOL! She somehow got disoriented and walked out in the hall and go locked out. She told me some guy came out of his room at one point and looked at her with a shocked look on his face and she gave him a dirty look and said "Get the fuck back in your room!"

[wes]

After working in a strip joint for 13 years,I`ve got tons of stories,but was usually so fucking drunk or high,most of them escape me at the moment.


I did graduate from The University Of Perversity with honors.

[Rudee]

I faked an orgasm.  Hey, the thrill was gone.  The thrill was gone away.

Fake orgasm?  Let me guess... spit on your boyfriends back?     

[BIG AL MCKECHNIE]

Many years ago one of my friends was lying on his bed listening to music thru his headphones with his eyes shut and started having a wank.  10 minutes later after he'd shot his load he opened his eyes and there was a cup of tea on the table beside his bed which his mother had obviously delivered while he was in mid masturbation.

[wes]

Many years ago one of my friends was lying on his bed listening to music thru his headphones with his eyes shut and started having a wank.  10 minutes later after he'd shot his load he opened his eyes and there was a cup of tea on the table beside his bed which his mother had obviously delivered while he was in mid masturbation.

Too funny! 

[Waller]

Come on Shizz, you must have had a masturbating mishap at some point.  

[wes]

Come on Shizz, you must have had a masturbating mishap at some point. 

Well we know that pussy surely wasn`t involved!   

[Marty Champions]

i used. to fuck this older blonde fake titted stripper who gave me bags of weed laced with pcp fun times

[chaos]

i used. to fuck this older blonde fake titted stripper who gave me bags of weed laced with pcp fun times

And so it began...

[Lustral]

I faked an orgasm.  Hey, the thrill was gone.  The thrill was gone away.

I did that a load of time on bubble (google it).

I don't know where on spectrum this fits in but on the night I got results from my Master's thesis a few of us went out... heavy. MDMA, white and a lot of alcohol. Bird I had chatted up had scarpered on me by about 2am so, being in the state I was, I turned to the girl my mate had chatted up (Lyn) and put my hand on her knee and started flirting. He was high too so, in about an hour, the three of us were in a taxi looking for a Travel Lodge (like holiday inn - cheapest shitty hotel). Well, after the taxi had stopped at three hotels, all full, we finally found one - Travel Lodge in Rathmines Dublin.

So - threeways don't work like pornos, esp not when in this state. Both of us awkwardly start taking pieces of this woman (I guess I went for the tits - she was on the chunky side). She asks for protection whereby my mate fucks off to local 24 hour garage to get condoms while I give her my speech that juice makes sperm immotile and start hammering her raw. Mate walks back in while I'm taking her from behind and goes to bathroom, ostensibly to put a condom on. I hear a lot of water, and being high and can't exactly stay focused on sex - mind is darting everywhere.

Friend opens bathroom door, mid slam session, and in the most rural Irish accent you can imagine says "sorry there Louise (her name was Lyn), I think I had to much to drink" - he couldn't get it up - meanwhile water is streaming everywhere around his ankles. He somehow broke the taps and the room was flooding.

Rule was 2 to a room and we had snuck the girl into hotel, so when we called porter to room the girl was naked and covering in bed sheets, I'd a semi and scrambled underpants on and mate was wide eyed in water at bathroom door. Then the comedown started. I felt like shit. While girl was distracted I grabbed clothes, wallet and phone and jumped out the window (1st floor). Somehow, and this is 5.30am or so in September when it is getting bright, my mate was there at corner of hotel having also ran away. We bid our farewells, left the girl in hotel room with porter and flooded taps and legged it.

[Thong Maniac]

when i was 23 I was messing with this slut, which at the time was 16.. After 1-2 dates I took her to my apartment "to watch some movie". i got the bitch drunk with red wine and started making out.

She was sucking my dick, when all of sudden I felt something hot dripping liquid down my cock (it was dark and I couldnt see wattsup). The bitch took off crying to the bathroom. She had puked all over my dick.

Nevertheless, I cleaned my self and comforted her that it was ok. Then I fucked her brains out.

Pedo statutory of peace? Feds all over this thread now lol

[da_vinci]

when i was 23 I was messing with this slut, which at the time was 16.. After 1-2 dates I took her to my apartment "to watch some movie". i got the bitch drunk with red wine and started making out.

She was sucking my dick, when all of sudden I felt something hot dripping liquid down my cock (it was dark and I couldnt see wattsup). The bitch took off crying to the bathroom. She had puked all over my dick.

Nevertheless, I cleaned my self and comforted her that it was ok. Then I fucked her brains out.

When I was 26 I had this 16yo, she was crazy about me, said it was a love from a first sight for her, actually has been calling periodically for the last 4 years to chit chat, even tho' she has been with a srs bf fr quite some time now, pretty crazy girl. Anyway... I used to drive to her small town and we'd go to a lake nearby, light up a fire, swim in the lake, and joke around till early morning (her parents couldn't handle her, one sister out of four, it was too much for them), no sex, just making out, etc... I was just having a great summer time and she liked me a lot. And I liked her, a beautiful wild young girl, but very brave and with a strong character. One day I said fukk it, let's have sex, she was like "No, we are not serious, so unless we become a couple - I won't do that, I'm a VIRGIN.". Ok... I've had experience with UNvirging a few girls in my life so that was not a big issue, but I wasn't forcing her.
 She lived in a different town than me, so I'd usualy go to visit her every three weeks or so, one evening she calls me and says I'm comming to visit you, well ok, I did not have any plans. Long story short - we are in my bed, making out, my cock is rock hard, I get her naked and she's like "Do you love me?", I'm like... "Well... yeah.."... after that she grabbed my dick like she's has been used to doing that for a long time, started jerking me off and rubbing her pussy like crazy, then BJ, then fucking session lol, she still insisted she was a virgin in the morning. Natural talent, uh? Crazy, crazy girl. Damn, so fukkin great careless time...



To illustrate the story, a said girl. She had amazing hair, I have always had a thing for great hair:

[Lustral]

When I was 26 I had this 16yo, she was crazy about me, said it was a love from a first sight for her, actually has been calling periodically for the last 4 years to chit chat, even tho' she has been with a srs bf fr quite some time now, pretty crazy girl. Anyway... I used to drive to her small town and we'd go to a lake nearby, light up a fire, swim in the lake, and joke around till early morning (her parents couldn't handle her, one sister out of four, it was too much for them), no sex, just making out, etc... I was just having a great summer time and she liked me a lot. And I liked her, a beautiful wild young girl, but very brave and with a strong character. One day I said fukk it, let's have sex, she was like "No, we are not serious, so unless we become a couple - I won't do that, I'm a VIRGIN.". Ok... I've had experience with UNvirging a few girls in my life so that was not a big issue, but I wasn't forcing her.
 She lived in a different town than me, so I'd usualy go to visit her every three weeks or so, one evening she calls me and says I'm comming to visit you, well ok, I did not have any plans. Long story short - we are in my bed, making out, my cock is rock hard, I get her naked and she's like "Do you love me?", I'm like... "Well... yeah.."... after that she grabbed my dick like she's has been used to doing that for a long time, started jerking me off and rubbing her pussy like crazy, then BJ, then fucking session lol, she still insisted she was a virgin in the morning. Natural talent, uh? Crazy, crazy girl. Damn, so fukkin great careless time...

Isn't this a crime in most states?

[da_vinci]

Isn't this a crime in most states?

I'm in Europe, it's perfectly legal here. I couldn't care less tho', she was a fully developed full breasted and wet pussy beautiful young female.

[Slapper]

I once performed oral sex on a girl with the period.

I didn't, and don't, give a fuck.