having kids....i still dont know the right move

[loco]

This should have all been worked out before you two got married.  Didn't the conversation about having kids come up before you got married?  This isn't something you decide after marriage.  

Exactly. This is why some states charge extra for a marriage license, or won't grant one at all, if the couple doesn't show proof that they have completed premarital counseling first.

Couples should seriously discuss many things, in detail, before deciding to get married.  Having kids and how they will be raised is one of the most important subjects to discuss before marraige, if not the most important.

[loco]

^^^

Prime example of what I'm talking about.

My gym has child minding. As soon as your kid can hold his or her neck up, you can take them. I would train every morning, take my daughter to the park, feed her, etc. I live in Canada and took some time off for parental leave. But before that, the ex would take care of our daughter. I was able to work, train, party on weekends, do whatever. It's way different if you're a single parent, but if you have two grown ass adults, how the hell can you not be able to take care of a child? It's not that difficult. And if you have family members or friends with kids the same age, you can easily reclaim a lot of lost time. Family members are usually eager because being an aunt/uncle or grandma/grandpa is super rewarding and no drain at all.

The only thing I would caution is the relationship... I'm now divorced and half of my income goes to my ex. You're gonna be stuck with the mother of your child for almost two decades - THAT is the only thing I'll caution you about. Women are all crazy though, so that should go without saying.

Whaca doin there?  U trying to encourage or discourage having kids?  

[El Diablo Blanco]

Rookie advices on get big.  Knock her up.  First of all it could take you a while to get her preggo.  You never know if your boys can swim until you try to knock up a chick.  If eventually she does get pregnant, wait until she's about 7 months in and pay a homeless man $20 to run up and dropkick her stomach causing a miscarriage.  You fulfilled your part and now you have an excuse to delay having a second try.

Option 2: Secretly get a vasectomy and don't tell her.  Fuck her raw and never worry about knocking her up.

[loco]

Rookie advices on get big.  Knock her up.  First of all it could take you a while to get her preggo.  You never know if your boys can swim until you try to knock up a chick.  If eventually she does get pregnant, wait until she's about 7 months in and pay a homeless man $20 to run up and dropkick her stomach causing a miscarriage.  You fulfilled your part and now you have an excuse to delay having a second try.

Option 2: Secretly get a vasectomy and don't tell her.  Fuck her raw and never worry about knocking her up.

Most evil advice of the day...even for White Devil.   

[loco]

Yes I do.  I'm in the "best thing ever" camp.

Did I know it at before?  No.  Nobody does.  Didn't really care for kids much before either.  It's cliche, but you don't know until you do it.

It's personal choice and I don't begrudge those who don't go that route.  But they need to shut the fuck up when giving advice they've garnered through their "friends".   They probably would be lousy at it anyway.  But all this not being able to train, work, have fun, etc is bullshit.  Under normal circumstances, it is what you make it to be.

But asking for advice on getbig?   Speaks volumes to me.

Either way, man up, make your own decision, and live with it.

Contradiction of peace.   

[Man of Steel]

Exactly. This is why some states charge extra for a marriage license, or won't grant one at all, if the couple doesn't show proof that they have completed marital counseling first.

Couples should seriously discuss many things, in detail, before deciding to get married.  Having kids and how they will be raised is one of the most important subjects to discuss before marraige, if not the most important.

Agreed.  Too bad in this world marriage isn't a sacred institution anymore....it's just another thing.  And when most people get a new thing they play with it at first, eventually get bored with it and then discard/ignore it.   

[El Diablo Blanco]

Most evil advice of the day...even for White Devil.   

Is it more evil than a woman who would stop contraception but not tell her boyfriend/husband so she could get knocked up?

[Man of Steel]

Is it more evil than a woman who would stop contraception but not tell her boyfriend/husband so she could get knocked up?

Both are messed up.

[loco]

I have a Two year old with another one on the way...

Here is how it went for me...

Went from sorta wanting...

To not wanting....

To wanting....

Had the baby...

First three months I wanted to do like the movie "300" and kick the kid out, give her a stick to defend herself from wolves!  It was hard on me...

3 months onwards.... I'm head over heels in love with my daughter (who is a total daddys girl now) and i would never ever want to go back to my life before.

Having kids is hard as HELL!!! Especially the first three months, that's extra hell... I was asking myself why do people do this a second and third time??? Why!!! All a baby does the first three months, is sleep, eat, shit and cry... And cry and cry and cry and cry... And then you cry because you want to throw yourself off of a building.  Those first three months you give give give give give and you get absolutely nothing in return.... Then all of a sudden at around the 3-4 month mark something happens, a switch goes off in the baby, and everything you've given comes back to you 10 folds!  You get this love that you have never felt before and you fall in love with the baby.... Imagine the one thing your currently love more than anything else, it could be your car, your wife, your mother,  Big Ramy, whatever... But imagine that love... And multiply it by 1,000,000,000.... That's the love you start to feel for your child after the first three months and it only grows exponentially from there.

Look, there is nothing wrong with not wanting kids, and if it's not for you is not for you, and that's ok, but speaking from my own experience I went from hating being a father the first three months to never not wanting to be one.

It's hard and its life changing, but if you and your wife are in a good place together and in a stable marriage, you'll be able to do a great job.  Just remember, guys are different... You'll never feel ready to be a father, I know I didn't. But I love it!!!

Good post.

[da_vinci]

My mother-in-law told me and my wife years ago (when we first got married) to wait and wait until we can't take it anymore to have kiddos.  Now, I think we waited a touch long LOL, but that's alright.   

I think what you wrote is dead on.  I am a daddy and I still get overwhelmed at times and I just have one kiddo, but what a joy that little girl is.  She's gonna be 6 years old and she's amazing.  To this day I still can't believe "I'm a daddy", but I wouldn't trade it.

I get to enjoy moments like the following with her.....just dancing  :

Kids for you are your "therapy"/antidepressants, just like religion. Kids are a better therapy tho', the issue here is that you try to cure your own shortcomings and weakness/desperation in this life through them, you probably teach them to be "good" (like Bible preaches), all that religious bullshit, while at the same time you curse them to be as unhappy as you've been most of your life. Getting them drugged with a religion from a get go is an option, but better pray god and hope it does exist if they ever will find out it's all bullshit when grown up, a bullshit that their own parents indulged them in, and people who are relying on flawed paradigms of reality have very little chance to feel content in todays world, in that case they'd resent you and see as a weak/stupid parent that misguided them from the first steps of their life. But it's an egoistical act from a begining (procreating) so I guess you have a justification for this preprogrammed behavior.
 Hope this helps

[Man of Steel]

Kids for you are your "therapy"/antidepressants, just like religion. Kids are a better therapy tho', the issue here is that you try to cure your own shortcomings and weakness/desperation in this life through them, you probably teach them to be "good" (like Bible preaches), all that religious bullshit, while at the same time you curse them to be as unhappy as you've been most of your life. Getting them drugged with a religion from a get go is an option, but better pray god and hope it does exist if they ever will find out it's all bullshit when grown up, a bullshit that their own parents indulged them in, and people who are relying on flawed paradigms of reality have very little chance to feel content in todays world, in that case they'd resent you and see as a weak/stupid parent that misguided them from the first steps of their life. But it's an egoistical act from a begining (procreating) so I guess you have a justification for this preprogrammed behavior.
 Hope this helps

AHAHAAHAHAH!!!

[loco]

Kids for you are your "therapy"/antidepressants, just like religion. Kids are a better therapy tho', the issue here is that you try to cure your own shortcomings and weakness/desperation in this life through them, you probably teach them to be "good" (like Bible preaches), all that religious bullshit, while at the same time you curse them to be as unhappy as you've been most of your life. Getting them drugged with a religion from a get go is an option, but better pray god and hope it does exist if they ever will find out it's all bullshit when grown up, a bullshit that their own parents indulged them in, and people who are relying on flawed paradigms of reality have very little chance to feel content in todays world, in that case they'd resent you and see as a weak/stupid parent that misguided them from the first steps of their life. But it's an egoistical act from a begining (procreating) so I guess you have a justification for this preprogrammed behavior.
 Hope this helps

I don't know.  Man of Steel seems like one of the happiest, if not the happiest, people here.   

[Grape Ape]

Contradiction of peace.   

How is it a contradiction?

Not judging someone's choice and not wanting to hear their opinion on it can be mutually exclusive.

[El Diablo Blanco]

MOS, do you take your kids to Church?  Are you allowing them to choose their own beliefs and religion?

[loco]

How is it a contradiction?

Not judging someone's choice and not wanting to hear their opinion on it can be mutually exclusive.

Grape Ape: "I don't judge those who choose to remain childless, but they are all selfish SOBs."   LOL

Just messin withcha. 

[mazrim]

I love it when two guys have to tell people how smart/innovative they are by naming themselves after "thinkers", etc. (Plato and Da Vinci) yet the majority of posts by them sound like they want to shoot themselves in the forehead, etc. and give out the advice/thoughts of a teenage emo.

[Grape Ape]

Grape Ape: "I don't judge those who choose to remain childless, but they are all selfish SOBs."   LOL

Just messin withcha.  

No worries, I can see how it could be read that way.

To be clear,  I don't judge the CHOICE, but I will judge the shit of the person.   

[loco]

MOS, do you take your kids to Church?  Are you allowing them to choose their own beliefs and religion?

White Devil, what kind of question is that?  Would you allow your little kids to choose their own school, their own doctor, their own medicine, their own food?  You have to choose for them until they are grown, then they can choose for themselves.

[Grape Ape]

You have to choose for them until they are grown, then they can choose for themselves.

Asian cultures disagree:

[Princess L]

How many years have you 2 been married?  Is a first for both of you?  Was this a discussion before getting married?  How old are you two?

How important is this to your wife on a scale of 1-10?  Is it a 5 or a 10?  How important is it to you not to on a scale of 1-10?  You sound like it's a 4-5.  If it's a 10 for her, then you owe it to her to either reconsider or let her go.  Regardless, couples counseling/premarital counseling (yes premarital) would be a good next step.

[loco]

Asian cultures disagree:

LOL   

[El Diablo Blanco]

White Devil, what kind of question is that?  Would you allow your little kids to choose their own school, their own doctor, their own medicine, their own food?  You have to choose for them until they are grown, then they can choose for themselves.

Yes, but food, medicine, education are not a belief that serves no purpose.  Are his children force to believe what he believes?

[loco]

Yes, but food, medicine, education are not a belief that serves no purpose.  Are his children force to believe what he believes?

Faith serves a very important purpose for most people around the world.  People raised atheist have become religious after they grow up, and vice versa.

[da_vinci]

I don't know.  Man of Steel seems like one of the happiest, if not the happiest, people here.   

Most alcoholics LOOK happy too...

[loco]

Most alcoholics LOOK happy too...

If you achieve that without alcohol and drugs, what's wrong with that.