Question about handling emotions during altercations or confrontations getBIGger

[spiro]

In this day and age can you really tell people to fuck off? Seems like it would be violating one of their "civil rights" everyone's such a pussy now a days.

Like others said he firm if you aren't doing anything wrong say sorry I can't help you with that and tell them not to disturb you. These people sound like fuck tards.

[funk51]

just found out my new neighbors are absolute ass holes. the kind who bitch about anything and everything and thrive off of it. they want it their way, on everything. rude, confrontational people. retired, bizy bodies who want control of the neighbor hood. just bullies.

my deamnor is very beta and uber respectful conscientious  (like too much) in public, so i shy from confrontation at almost all costs. that is my problem as i try to "man up" in the face of this issue.

as im sitting her debating what to say to neighbors, for example, if i put something on the my side of the yard, they dont like, and so i sit here wanting to think of what im going to say back...i have this rushing, almost crippling anxiety/brain fog. i can hear my pulse, and just feel so bottled up and repressed, but at the same time annoyed with myself that im even feeling that way just THINKING of what i would say/do in a situation. juts crippling nervousness. when confronted with "travis u cant do that, im going to call the city and take u to court", i like freeze up with panic. im not quick on my feet to begin with, but when confronted with confrontation i almost short circuit.

how do i channel this? any experiences with how to be a real man, and relaxingly troll a neighbor who hates you? i would love to just laugh and smile and wave as he yells or complains. but im so nervous it would feel fake.

times like these i wish i was a sociopath

    put on a thong a hockey mask and rev up your chainsaw usually works.

[Thong Maniac]

In this day and age can you really tell people to fuck off? Seems like it would be violating one of their "civil rights" everyone's such a pussy now a days.

Like others said he firm if you aren't doing anything wrong say sorry I can't help you with that and tell them not to disturb you. These people sound like fuck tards.

this, i think this would really just add fuel to the fire. its probably best just to say "u done? i got things to do. bye"

this of course will piss them off too but it will make them look crazy and u sane

[Primemuscle]

just found out my new neighbors are absolute ass holes. the kind who bitch about anything and everything and thrive off of it. they want it their way, on everything. rude, confrontational people. retired, bizy bodies who want control of the neighbor hood. just bullies.

my deamnor is very beta and uber respectful conscientious  (like too much) in public, so i shy from confrontation at almost all costs. that is my problem as i try to "man up" in the face of this issue.

as im sitting her debating what to say to neighbors, for example, if i put something on the my side of the yard, they dont like, and so i sit here wanting to think of what im going to say back...i have this rushing, almost crippling anxiety/brain fog. i can hear my pulse, and just feel so bottled up and repressed, but at the same time annoyed with myself that im even feeling that way just THINKING of what i would say/do in a situation. juts crippling nervousness. when confronted with "travis u cant do that, im going to call the city and take u to court", i like freeze up with panic. im not quick on my feet to begin with, but when confronted with confrontation i almost short circuit.

how do i channel this? any experiences with how to be a real man, and relaxingly troll a neighbor who hates you? i would love to just laugh and smile and wave as he yells or complains. but im so nervous it would feel fake.

times like these i wish i was a sociopath

Using the example you gave about putting something on your side yard that might offend your bitchy neighbors, I offer this. If you are not violating the law or neighborhood association requirements, you should learn to be more confident. It is your property after-all. If these neighbors threaten you with police or legal action, you could either ignore their idiocy or counter with something like, "whatever suits you". I would not argue with them in any case. Not smiling or waving is fine, in fact it could escalate the situation. As I mentioned, a better tactic is to simply ignore them....that is being manly. Showing them they've upset you by responding whether verbally or visually, is just the reaction they are looking for.

The neighbor's side yard faces my back yard and thus the back of my house. He stores a variety of things there. Most of it I don't see because my fence blocks it. One day awhile back, he was attempting to hang his two kayaks vertically on a pulley system. If his plan had worked I'd be looking at a bright yellow and a red kayak out my kitchen window. Fortunately, his plan failed and they are mounted on the side of his house in a horizontally. He would not have been violating any codes or laws, which means I would need to have been very diplomatic in how I approached him if I wanted to be a good neighbor.  

[Thong Maniac]

Using the example you gave about putting something on your side yard that might offend your bitchy neighbors, I offer this. If you are not violating the law or neighborhood association requirements, you should learn to be more confident. It is your property after-all. If these neighbors threaten you with police or legal action, you could either ignore their idiocy or counter with something like, "whatever suits you". I would not argue with them in any case. Not smiling or waving is fine, in fact it could escalate the situation. As I mentioned, a better tactic is to simply ignore them....that is being manly. Showing them they've upset you by responding whether verbally or visually, is just the reaction they are looking for.

The neighbor's side yard faces my back yard and thus the back of my house. He stores a variety of things there. Most of it I don't see because my fence blocks it. One day awhile back, he was attempting to hang his two kayaks vertically on a pulley system. If his plan had worked I'd be looking at a bright yellow and a red kayak out my kitchen window. Fortunately, his plan failed and they are mounted on the side of his house in a horizontally. He would not have been violating any codes or laws, which means I would need to have been very diplomatic in how I approached him if I wanted to be a good neighbor.  

thanks prime, ive thought about sending them an official state signed notice to not trespass sent directly to their house as my sister did this a while back to someone she didnt want bothering her anymore. this is a good way to put contact with someone at a quick end, because you have cause to then call cops even for them speaking to you (so ive heard)

how about "thanks for voicing your opinion, feel free to contact my lawyer for these types of inquiries or complaints". i dont have a lawyer really but it might deflect and give them the idea its not ok to complain about shit involving my property.

so the canoe issue you mention, its not illegal, so why bother complaining? i mean who cares really

[El Diablo Blanco]

had neighbors like this.  You react to their idiocy and they have the Sheriff on speed dial.  I can go into lots of details of small things I did to drive them out, some possibly illegal but they were too dumb to figure it out.  First thing is become friends.  They'll never suspect you when little things bad start happening to them.

[deadz]

Neighbors are best seen not heard!

[Primemuscle]

thanks prime, ive thought about sending them an official notice to not trespass sent directly to their house as my sister did this a while back to someone she didnt want bothering her anymore.

how about "thanks for voicing your opinion, feel free to contact my lawyer for these types of inquiries or complaints". i dont have a lawyer really but it might deflect and give them the idea its not ok to complain about shit involving my property.

so the canoe issue you mention, its not illegal, so why bother complaining? i mean who cares really

I like your suggestion about how to deal with your neighbor. It's polite and to the point. You do have a lawyer if you have homeowners or renters insurance. This protects you should they file a lawsuit, frivolous or not.

I would not 'complain' to my neighbor if it jeopardized our longstanding good neighborly relationship. He's very congenial. I would have mentioned to him that if he could figure out another way to store the kayaks,  which was less visually intrusive, I'd be very appreciative.

[Thong Maniac]

had neighbors like this.  You react to their idiocy and they have the Sheriff on speed dial.  I can go into lots of details of small things I did to drive them out, some possibly illegal but they were too dumb to figure it out.  First thing is become friends.  They'll never suspect you when little things bad start happening to them.

do share. friends, not likely. they already basically made it clear they are bullies with too much time to complain

[Primemuscle]

Neighbors are best seen not heard!

And I thought it was children.....at least that's what my mom told me.  

[zedzedeleven]

In this day and age can you really tell people to fuck off? Seems like it would be violating one of their "civil rights" everyone's such a pussy now a days.

Like others said he firm if you aren't doing anything wrong say sorry I can't help you with that and tell them not to disturb you. These people sound like fuck tards.

Yeah you can tell them to fuck off. I did it today in a way. Over the years I have said " good morning" to a guy that lives in a nearby street and rarely got much of a reply. Greeted him again this afternoon and as usual got blanked. Something snapped. "Well fuck you then!" I shouted. Stopped him in his tracks and as I walked by he was spluttering something, couldn`t quite catch it. Last time I ever do him the courtesy of acknowledging his existence.

[El Diablo Blanco]

do share. friends, not likely. they already basically made it clear they are bullies with too much time to complain

First thing is what kind of home is it?  
Are they apt neighbors or are they single family residences?  
Do they have a green lawn they maintain?  
Do they have a pool.  
Do they spend a lot of time keeping their home looking nice.  
Do they have kids, pets or family living there?  
Can you see all sides of the house from different vantage points without someone else spotting you?  The overall layout, streets behind the home, alley ways etc...  These all matter.  
Do they have their breaker box on the outside of the home like we do in Cali?  
Can you access their water meter or gas meter?  
Do they ever leave the house unattended?  
Do they stay up late at night?  
Do they work, do you know where, what do they do?  
Do they call the police often?  
Do they complain when someone parks in front of their home?  
Can you buy an old broken down car that is still running from a junkyard, cash, no paperwork?  
Do they own cars?  
Where do they park them?  
Do you know how to make disguises, if not learn on youtube.

A lot of info gathering is important up front before even trying to plan or do something or you'll most likely get caught doing it.

[Taffin]

Thread just got x1000 more interesting with El Diablo Bateman's input here... 

First thing is what kind of home is it?  
Are they apt neighbors or are they single family residences?  
Do they have a green lawn they maintain?  
Do they have a pool.  
Do they spend a lot of time keeping their home looking nice.  
Do they have kids, pets or family living there?  
Can you see all sides of the house from different vantage points without someone else spotting you?  The overall layout, streets behind the home, alley ways etc...  These all matter.  
Do they have their breaker box on the outside of the home like we do in Cali?  
Can you access their water meter or gas meter?  
Do they ever leave the house unattended?  
Do they stay up late at night?  
Do they work, do you know where, what do they do?  
Do they call the police often?  
Do they complain when someone parks in front of their home?  
Can you buy an old broken down car that is still running from a junkyard, cash, no paperwork?  
Do they own cars?  
Where do they park them?  
Do you know how to make disguises, if not learn on youtube.

A lot of info gathering is important up front before even trying to plan or do something or you'll most likely get caught doing it.

[Thong Maniac]

had my first "run in" with one of them last night. i kind of melted a bit, raised my voice and argued. i should have just ignored and said i "dont have time, sorry", or "contact my lawyer if you have a problem".

still got the "rush" of panic/fast rate rate and dry mouth when it was going down. annoying that i cant handle myself better

[mazrim]

The neighbor's side yard faces my back yard and thus the back of my house. He stores a variety of things there. Most of it I don't see because my fence blocks it. One day awhile back, he was attempting to hang his two kayaks vertically on a pulley system. If his plan had worked I'd be looking at a bright yellow and a red kayak out my kitchen window. Fortunately, his plan failed and they are mounted on the side of his house in a horizontally. He would not have been violating any codes or laws, which means I would need to have been very diplomatic in how I approached him if I wanted to be a good neighbor.  

Wow, you sound like his neighbors if that is a big deal to you.

[Primemuscle]

Wow, you sound like his neighbors if that is a big deal to you.

It is not a big deal. He mounted them horizontally so they aren't that visible.

In my neighborhood, parking one's RV along side their home is not permitted unless it fits inside the garage where it cannot be seen. There is a large parking lot where people rent space for their RVs.

[anabolichalo]

Overcome fear of confrontation. Let them talk but never show your hand, act accordingly and use all available resources. In that order.

u mean hide your hand holding a shank?

or u mean dont show your intentions and or advantages?

[Princess L]

When it comes to neighbours the old adage "familiarity breeds contempt" is exactly why I leave it at a brief hello.

As for dealing with people like this you just need to learn to tell someone to fuck off (while not actually saying that) with a big smile on your face, maybe while feigning concern.  for example to the call you could have said "oh is your insomnia age related? I understand its difficult to sleep through the night when you are older I remember my grandparents going through this.  Perhaps you should look into melatonin."  then say you have to go and end the conversation.  That way you have disregarded their ridiculousness and pointed out that maybe they are the one with the problem.  Or you could just laugh it off and make a comment about your hydro bill.  Unfortunately because they are your neighbours you will have to be somewhat cordial...at first.  Just do not apologize if you haven't done anything wrong like so many people do today.

If that doesn't work then I would just come out and say you don't have time for their nonsense....something to the effect are you calling me because I left a light on in my own home?  I hear home depot has a sale on blinds right now have a nice day.

Failing that just leave a burning bag of dog shit on their door step billy Madison style  

This is the best real life advice offered here.

[Disgusted]

Fuck this. I had problems with mine. One day my neighbor was outside with his dad. I walked up to his property and called him everything but a white boy and then started on his dad. I dared him to come out of his yard he started to and thought twice. The whole block heard me but sometimes you just gotta say fuck it. We now get along decent and nod to each other. 

[a_pupil]

If you get jittery try propranolol. This will calm your nerves and steady your hand so you can enforce the Texan castle doctrine

[Disgusted]

If you get jittery try propranolol. This will calm your nerves and steady your hand so you can enforce the Texan castle doctrine

I've heard about this stuff I actually have some. So does it really work?

[rocket]

These people are a godsend for you.

They are doing you a favour.  They are desensitising you to confrontation by forcing you to experience it.  Every time they pull this shit, simply do what you can until you're finally doing what you want to do.

It won't take long.  I mean, you might shit your pants jumping out of a plane the first time, but on the tenth, you'll just be enjoying the ride.  That is what being human is about, really - adapting.

In the interim, if you want to feel safer, go box or do MMA and learn how to protect yourself in the event of violence, which will definitely translate to an increased calm (or increased skill in confrontation).  It isn't about threatening someone or anything like that, not about being macho, it's just about reinforcement that confidence in physical confrontation will give you.

[anabolichalo]

These people are a godsend for you.

They are doing you a favour.  They are desensitising you to confrontation by forcing you to experience it.  Every time they pull this shit, simply do what you can until you're finally doing what you want to do.

It won't take long.  I mean, you might shit your pants jumping out of a plane the first time, but on the tenth, you'll just be enjoying the ride.  That is what being human is about, really - adapting.

In the interim, if you want to feel safer, go box or do MMA and learn how to protect yourself in the event of violence, which will definitely translate to an increased calm (or increased skill in confrontation).  It isn't about threatening someone or anything like that, not about being macho, it's just about reinforcement that confidence in physical confrontation will give you.

for most people, martial arts is about fear management, and quite the opposite of danger management, since their acquired skills do not even begin to match the inflated sense of self confidence they gain from practicing martial arts

[a_pupil]

I've heard about this stuff I actually have some. So does it really work?

it is the cure for stage fright. It deffo works. I used be shit at presentations after a bad experience and this literally took away all of the problems I had.

the long acting one (don't remember the compound name) isn't as potent as propronolol

I've heard archers use it as well.