Hey getbigger family...I don't usually check into this section as I haven't trained in at least 4yrs and am mostly in the General Topics or G&O threads but since I'm making GB my home forum I want to be more active in other spots.
My entire adult life iI've struggled hard with substance abuse,mainly opiates,heroin being my main DOC.
I've always been into the gym and at times was the only thing that's kept me from just ending it all. I've been to dozens of detoxes and rehabs never putting together more than a few months clean time. In 2007 I came home from one, got on suboxone and proceeded to build my body to the biggest and strongest I've ever been. In 2010 I hit my all time PR on flat bench of 447lbs x 1 at a body weight of 215lbs. I ate and trained like a beast,cycled hard but smart and worked full time landscaping 6 days a week.
I had come off the subs because my gf at the time wanted me to so I obliged and became miserable. Enuff to the point she finally left me. I lost all motivation to do anything esp workout. I took a supposed hiatus from the gym and eventually relapsed in Mar 2013 knowingly the choice I had just made will not be a good one.
I wound up homeless wandering the streets of NYC strung out on methadone,smack,xanax...you name it. Finally I said enuff...I can't do this anymore and went to and still am in a long term treatment facility and got off everything.
Now I'm given the privilege to look for work,hit the gym and meetings. I joined one last week and started Mon doing minor stuff till my muscles get adjusted and get over the soreness. A simple MWF basic newb routine until I can get more acclimated and back to my GVT or really wanna try DC.
Today was probably the worst I've felt,the realization that due to my treating my body like a chemical amusement park I may never get back to my numbers or size ever again.
Legs today...squats. Warm up with the bar a few times then a whopping 95lbs x 10 for 3 sets with DB pullovers with a 45lb db to stretch my rib cage.
Looking at that bar,those 2 25lb plates...I wanted to leave. I'm seriously thinking of taping each workout weekly to show my hopeful progression from 138lb active addict to the 195lb scared sober guy to my usual 225lb frame with almost 18.5" arms.
Sorry I posted a pretty long possibly senseless thread but am hoping someone out here knows what I'm going thru,feeling less than and holding on for my life as I attempt to get back to my love of bodybuilding.
I figured the "training" forum would be the place to start anew...again. rocco
