I'm always afraid that I'll crack one open and there will be a baby chicken inside, but not wholly formed. One wing, lopsided talons, bald as Kojack's anogenital region and just as wrinkly. It'll let out a pathetic half squawk and then die right there on the kitchen counter. I just stand there and weep.
Then it's leg twitches and it turns out it was just adjusting to oxygen. So I reach down to help it and it bites a chunk out of my finger. It's pissed. I scream and slip on the purple placenta that had run onto the floor and everything goes black.
When I come to I can't move. The creature is perched on my head with it's bloody beak over my right eye. "Rawwwk! Good meat. Let's eat." The pecking begins. With each mouthful it glances at my left eye and smiles a happy chicken smile. "Enjoying the show?"
I can't watch anymore but I can't close my remaining eye either since it consumed my eyelids while I was out. This sucks. All I wanted was some protein. Now I'm the protein. I ain't playing this thing's game so I look away, up to the countertop where the abomination obamanationTM came into being. The carton is overhanging the edge and I notice the writing. "Evil Farms" Shit. It wasn't just an advertising gimmick for Halloween after all.