The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada has intensified beginning early this morning.
Trump’s victory is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live
according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists,
and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold,
exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range
chicken.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers
that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their
fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly
concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border,
pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where
they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All
they had was a little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips.
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education
camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the
Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara
Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading
jazzercise apps to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how
many art-history majors does one country need?"
As they cross the border north they will also receive a trophy for participating
and an official U.S.A. Trump crying towel.
