A life of Quiet Desperation

[Conker]

1. I'm sorry if I offended those like you , who are dedicated fathers, that cherish raising their children.
Perhaps I'm wrong in my observations and most men with kids, feel fortunate to have them.

2. I know how I feel and what was right for me. BUT, my opinions and ideas may not be good advice for most guys.

3. I'm happy and content with my marriage and overall lifestyle, but, it took decades to get here.
The path I traveled to achieve happiness , may not work for others.

not offended at all. was just relaying my experience and pointing out that i doubt you're really qualified to advise people against something you have no experience of.

i don't know the kind of people you know but pretty much everyone i know who has children would take a bullet for them without any hesitation, and regardless of what else is going on in their lives their kids are the one constant thing that always make them happy.

no matter how much you love your wife/partner or anyone else, the feelings you have for your children go beyond that. it's really impossible for someone who doesn't have them to understand that feeling.

[Primemuscle]

Good point.

I never had kids and don't have any first hand experience raising children.
Perhaps, my observations of men with kids (both married and divorced) are wrong.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

Many if not all parents have moments when the can't stand their kids....usually when the kids are in their teens.

[TonyAlva]

Mods, can this thread get "locked"

[Zillotch]

Mods, can this thread get "locked"

Howard needs to vent... or he may harm himself. do u want that on ur conscience?

[pellius]

I didn't mean to be insulting , but, can understand now why some might take it wrong.

Just because others live a different lifestyle from me doesn't mean they are unhappy.

Who said others are unhappy because they are not like you?

Not being like you is a prerequisite to being happy.

[SF1900]

Howard..............

[Conker]

Good point.

I never had kids and don't have any first hand experience raising children.
Perhaps, my observations of men with kids (both married and divorced) are wrong.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

i wouldn't say your observations were "wrong" per se but you have probably misjudged the reasons why these people are unhappy with their lives.

the reason why you're probably getting such negative responses is because with 3 failed marriages(or whatever) behind you, you're hardly a shining example of someone that's enjoyed a successful personal life.

people are unlikely to take seriously someone advising them on life choices when on paper that person's life looks a bit of train wreck!

if you had started a thread advising people to not jump into marriage too quickly you would probably have a bit more credibility in that area.

[local hero]

i wouldn't say your observations were "wrong" per se but you have probably misjudged the reasons why these people are unhappy with their lives.

the reason why you're probably getting such negative responses is because with 3 failed marriages(or whatever) behind you, you're hardly a shining example of someone that's enjoyed a successful personal life.

people are unlikely to take seriously someone advising them on life choices when on paper that person's life looks a bit of train wreck!

if you had started a thread advising people to not jump into marriage too quickly you would probably have a bit more credibility in that area.

The misery is more due to women,not kids... Kids keep you together tho for the majority

[Conker]

The misery is more due to women,not kids... Kids keep you together tho for the majority

yeh that's true but you can always bang a few side chicks if necessary 

[Fortress]

I have a colleague who is a slovenly fat fuck with a Costanza 'do, glasses and zero muscle who has a live-in girlfriend of over a dozen years who has no job and hasn't given him any children.

The in-denial slob claims he gets action daily.

His life is board games. I'm not kidding.

Tubby sweathog is in hell.

He'll tell you his life's peaches.

[HockeyFightFan]

I agree , nobody else needs to be like me, to be happy.
That's what I posted.
I'm happy "as is", but others can easily be happy living a different way.

I'd be ecstatic if you drank bleach

[Tapeworm]

If you wanna be thorough you should go live alone in the woods for awhile. 

Without internet.

[Dave D]

It would be interesting if Howard's parents had the same feelings towards children that he does.

[HockeyFightFan]

It would be interesting if Howard's parents had the same feelings towards children that he does.

Howard's parents committed suicide from the shame.

[calfzilla]

Howard's parents committed suicide from the shame.

Even before he was out of the womb.

[YngiweRhoads]

Many if not all parents have moments when the can't stand their kids....usually when the kids are in their teens under 30.

[OLKE_TEXAS]

Howard I agree with the fact that kids can hold you down in life. Before me and my wife had kids we had all the time, money and opportunities in the world at our disposal but we did not realise it and we did not take advantage of it. We have to wait 20 years to be back at that situation. But Howard, life is not just about having a good time, freedom and doing what you want. You are a good example because you have it all but you are bored out of your mind and unfulfilled. You seem empty.

[Zillotch]

You seem empty.

and worthless... and fat.. and other things.

[Dave D]

THIS real life example, may clearly illustrate my meaning on this issue:

I competed in a lot of state/regional UN-tested NPC shows in the 1990's.
It was my choice NOT to use steroids/PED's to compete.
I understood and accepted I'd be up against plenty of juiced up dudes.

Doing it "my way" placed me at a disadvantage and I accepted it.
Like everyone who competes, I had a choice to use drugs or not.
I didn't use, and I accepted the consequences of my actions with few complaints.
I simply stayed at the regional level , did ok and gave up on national or pro card glory.

That's the real point.
While we all have choices, few people want to accept and embrace the consequences of our choices.

Howard every person you've mentioned have accepted the consequences of their actions. The guy who hadn't had sex with his wife for 7 years was embracing his circumstances.
 
Your real point is you don't agree with their decisions. You turn the thread into a pro Howard piece about how you made the right decision.

Your example of bodybuilding is poor.  Many people compete in events they won't win or have the chance of being a pro, drugs or no drugs.  Was being a professional bodybuilder a goal of yours, because you reference it a lot.

Even with all the drugs available do you think you would have been a pro?  Maybe you were at a disadvantage along because of genetics but you refuse to examine that prospect, instead being drug free, "doing it your way", is the reason why you didnt win.

What future pros did you compete against? Or at least top level national competitors?

Are you looking for affirmation from strangers on life lived well? Or are you upset that you're no longer a judge on the npc level and the sport has moved on without you?

[calfzilla]

THIS real life example, may clearly illustrate my meaning on this issue:

I competed in a lot of state/regional UN-tested NPC shows in the 1990's.
It was my choice NOT to use steroids/PED's to compete.
I understood and accepted I'd be up against plenty of juiced up dudes.

Doing it "my way" placed me at a disadvantage and I accepted it.
Like everyone who competes, I had a choice to use drugs or not.
I didn't use, and I accepted the consequences of my actions with few complaints.
I simply stayed at the regional level , did ok and gave up on national or pro card glory.

That's the real point.
While we all have choices, few people want to accept and embrace the consequences of our choices.

You have admitted to using steroids in the past.

[OLKE_TEXAS]

Good post. Thanks for being honest about the lifestyle changes that go with raising kids.
Nothing worthwhile comes without a little effort, stress and strife.
I'm sure , you  know the joys and unrequited love of raising a child, that I'll never experience.

My life isn't perfect and now and like everyone else I have my down moments.
BUT, for me , this is the happiest and most content I've ever been.
My wife and I embrace the simple joy from basic, wholesome activities.
For example, we just spent a "wild Saturday night", watching a couple vintage Rock Hudson movies. 100% serious .

I suspect most get-biggers would find our lifestyle rather dull and boring.
Losing most of my ambition ,led to a wonderful sense of "relaxed freedom"
It's a simple, wholesome life of: watching vintage movies, various sports, cable news and a little love making  .
I workout in different gyms and we spend time in the Mts when are rental homes aren't booked.
THAT stuff, along with farting in my dogs face is how I roll now.

That last part does sound very good Howard.
So enjoy. I wil follow your example in 20 years 
Got to go now, time go back to my cows.

[wes]