Cheating

[Irongrip400]

if you have children

then cheating is off the table

put your kids welfare first

its that simple

This. Not saying having kids is a bad thing and is the end of your life. But, once you have kids, life is not all about you anymore. It's about them.

[El Diablo Blanco]

Best advice I can give.

Fuck these whores in remote areas, kill them then dispose of the body.  No witnesses or anything.

[Ronnie Rep]

This. Not saying having kids is a bad thing and is the end of your life. But, once you have kids, life is not all about you anymore. It's about them.

Absolutely, and if you don't proceed that way you have no business bringing them into the world.

[residue]

Best advice I can give.

Fuck these whores in remote areas, kill them then dispose of the body.  No witnesses or anything.

that's stupid, fuck muslims and illegals, neither will report it.

[Pray_4_War]

if you have children

then cheating is off the table

put your kids welfare first

its that simple

I'm a guy who usually will say, "life is short, what the fuck" but I would tend to agree with bigmc here.  Don't let your desire for new pussy fuck up your kid's lives.

I understand the desire.  Staying faithful can be challenging.  We're human.  Cheating or wanting to cheat doesn't make you a terrible person but it can have terrible consequences for you and the people you love.

Getting some hot new pussy will be great for while but at the end of the day it usually ends up costing you more than it was worth.  I say don't do it.

[Grape Ape]

Getting some hot new pussy will be great for while but at the end of the day it usually ends up costing you more than it was worth.  I say don't do it.

Once someone matures, it's really easy to put themselves in the mindset of the post-encounter, which makes avoidance super easy.

[residue]

I got one don't sign up for monogamy if you know in your marrow that it's not for you, my gf and I practice polyamory, for that very reason.

[Al Doggity]

Bro have you considered not talking to these girls? Why are you flirting with the idea? You're actively seeking this out, don't think for a minute that dudes are hitting on your wife and she's shooting them down.

Just because you can pull these chicks doesnt mean you should. It doesn't matter if 60% of the peoe you know are on their second family. Is that what you want? Are you prepared for that headache? 50% of the population gets cancer at one point, it doesn't mean you want to go through chemo.

If you're over your marriage stay true to yourself,  end it but don't cheat.

Good luck.

Cancer is a disease that often times results in death.There is a risk/ reward scenario with cheating that isn't there with cancer.  The point of the 60% thing was not to say that everyone is doing it so it must be okay, it was an attempt to guide things on to a more realistic, less melodramatic track. The simple fact of the matter is that cheating isn't a death sentence. In some situations, being exposed as a cheater can fuck up your life, but even that isn't 100% guaranteed. People cheat and are cheated on all the time and they move on with their lives.

That being said, the point of me starting this thread wasn't really to justify cheating, explain it away or get permission other getbiggers. The point of this thread was to have an honest discussion about trying to faithful.  Based on my posts in this thread, it's pretty clear that if I ever move into that direction of cheating, it will be something I arrive at with a lot of internal conflict. But the reality is the aftermath of having an affair exposed either changes your life or it doesn't and all parties have to move on with their life.

I'm not necessarily disappointed that so many of you are monogamy proponents, but I am surprised that so few of you have been tempted to stray.

But thanks for the response. 

[Al Doggity]

I got one don't sign up for monogamy if you know in your marrow that it's not for you, my gf and I practice polyamory, for that very reason.

Check the very first line, of the very first post on the very first page of this thread. 

[Al Doggity]

Once someone matures, it's really easy to put themselves in the mindset of the post-encounter, which makes avoidance super easy.

LOL yeah because so few mature people have affairs     I mean, I guess you could retcon it and define maturity as the decision not to stray, but  outside of that, there are legions of people who are responsible and mature in pretty much every aspect of life who decide to cheat. And post-encounter (not to mention pre-encounter) isn't the same for everyone. Like I said in a previous post, when considering an affair, your rationalizations get distorted. Every sitch doesn't play out like a Lifetime movie.

[Al Doggity]

I know you told me (Howard) not to post, but I gotta chime in(sorry Al)

For me this issue is pretty simple:
If you want to screw around like a single man, get divorced and have at it.

No I'll STFU and go away

I am disappointed you decided to post here, but  I'll respond to this.

Full disclosure: My potential wandering eye is something that has been a very tense topic of discussion for me and wifey over the last few months. I kinda feel like it wouldn't be worth it or even appreciated to go into the whole thing in detail, but we are pretty open with each other and  this has been one of the issues we've been working through. Her perspective fluctuates between being less worried  because it means I am being upfront with her to being more worried because it means there is an issue she has no control over. This line of thinking is something she has addressed before. From an objective standpoint, she would rather not have a marriage that fell apart due to cheating. From a practical standpoint,  she can't imagine being less hurt if I chose to leave her before starting an affair. She can't imagine our post-divorce relationship being significantly better in that situation. Leaving a marriage because the problems are too great to work through is one thing, but leaving because you don't feel you can be faithful probably isn't something that most women would consider that much better than cheating. From a divorce perspective, you can probably extricate yourself a lot more cleanly, though.

[Soul Crusher]

LOL yeah because so few mature people have affairs     I mean, I guess you could retcon it and define maturity as the decision not to stray, but  outside of that, there are legions of people who are responsible and mature in pretty much every aspect of life who decide to cheat. And post-encounter (not to mention pre-encounter) aren't the same for everyone. Like I said in a previous post, when considering an affair, your rationalizations get distorted. Every sitch doesn't play out like a Lifetime movie.

More often than not - you will slip up and get found out.   Additionally, you have to think about how it might affect professional relationships as well.  Cheating on your wife while one has wife and kids is flat out reckless.  

If you need to get a divorce or go for counseling - do it.   But don't cheat and then expect to get sympathy afterwards that your marriage is a bore and you didnt first try to either divorce or fix it.  Secondly - if you cheat - then your wife gets a pass too - and lets say she hooks up w some thug from ghetto and gets her prego?  

See - shit is far more than about you now.    

[Soul Crusher]

I am disappointed you decided to post here, but  I'll respond to this.

Full disclosure: My potential wandering eye is something that has been a very tense topic of discussion for me and wifey over the last few months. I kinda feel like it wouldn't be worth it or even appreciated to go into the whole thing in detail, but we are pretty open with each other and  this has been one of the issues we've been working through. Her perspective fluctuates between being less worried  because it means I am being upfront with her to being more worried because it means there is an issue she has no control over. This line of thinking is something she has addressed before. From an objective standpoint, she would rather not have a marriage that fell apart due to cheating. From a practical standpoint,  she can't imagine being less hurt if I chose to leave her before starting an affair. She can't imagine our post-divorce relationship being significantly better in that situation. Leaving a marriage because the problems are too great to work through is one thing, but leaving because you don't feel you can be faithful probably isn't something that most women would consider that much better than cheating. From a divorce perspective, you can probably extricate yourself a lot more cleanly, though.

Remember - you have kids - this shit matters to them and will down the line too.  its one thing if you explain that you just cant make it work vs daddy got caught running around w some floozy while mommy was home cooking and taking care of the kids and laundry.   

[Yanin]

Get her a boob job take dick pills go have drinks with each other, you'll get over it

[El Diablo Blanco]

Seems your relationship is dead with her.  So what's going to happen?  you hook up with some chick, she fucks your brains out, now guess what.  you'll never want to fuck your wife again.  She'll either then start to cheat on you or resent you and your relationship will end anyways but will be a long drawn out suffering for you both.  Just cut it now.  end it and move on.

[Henda]

This is where kids actualy do keep marriages together, I think most men could live with an ex hating them without even giving it a second thought, your kids on the other hand... Totally different matter, they keep me on the straight and narrow


I can feel howie straining at the bit to jump in on this..

Spot on with this post couldn't agree more, not a day goes by I don't think about sex with random filthy slags and think about acting on these strong urges, they are almost unbearable but the just the thought of the kids and the fact that if something I did affected their lives in a negative way id never ever live with the guilt and regret it rest of my life is enough to stop

[Al Doggity]

Remember - you have kids - this shit matters to them and will down the line too.  its one thing if you explain that you just cant make it work vs daddy got caught running around w some floozy while mommy was home cooking and taking care of the kids and laundry.   

Wait, weren't you one of the people trying to argue that trump was such a superior family man to Obama? This isn't even me trying to drag politics into something that doesn't have to be political, but I'm bringing it up because it just goes to show how easy it is to frame the idea of cheating in this Lifetime movie kinda way and then not  apply those standards irl.


None of this is to say that points you made and that others made aren't things to consider. As I've said, I am going back and forth on a lot of things. I'm not really at a place where i'm like "i'm trying to find a way to cheat", i'm really more "things get tough. what's a good way to deal with it?" We're really close to the 7 year mark  in our relationship, which is something I keep in mind.

[residue]

Seems your relationship is dead with her.  So what's going to happen?  you hook up with some chick, she fucks your brains out, now guess what.  you'll never want to fuck your wife again.  She'll either then start to cheat on you or resent you and your relationship will end anyways but will be a long drawn out suffering for you both.  Just cut it now.  end it and move on.

or spice shit up; start buying toys, take her out to bars dressed like a slut, fuck her in public, fuck her on cam, introduce d\s play

[Soul Crusher]

Wait, weren't you one of the people trying to argue that trump was such a superior family man to Obama? This isn't even me trying to drag politics into something that doesn't have to be political, but I'm bringing it up because it just goes to show how easy it is to frame the idea of cheating in this Lifetime movie kinda way and then not  apply those standards irl.


None of this is to say that points you made and that others made aren't things to consider. As I've said, I am going back and forth on a lot of things. I'm not really at a place where i'm like "i'm trying to find a way to cheat", i'm really more "things get tough. what's a good way to deal with it?" We're really close to the 7 year mark  in our relationship, which is something I keep in mind.

I detest O-fag and will always find ways to trash her when i can.  You know that.  


How long did you date before getting married?  I always say this to my friends - you need to be w someone long enough to see them at their both best and worst so you know exactly the full range of what you are dealing with.  

[Pray_4_War]

Get her a boob job take dick pills go have drinks with each other, you'll get over it

I like this guy.

[Al Doggity]

I detest O-fag and will always find ways to trash her when i can.  You know that.  


How long did you date before getting married?  I always say this to my friends - you need to be w someone long enough to see them at their both best and worst so you know exactly the full range of what you are dealing with.  

We've been married for 5 and dated for a little over a year before that.

I haven't gotten anything I didn't sign up for with my wife. Like I said earlier, I haven't fallen out of love, either. I've never been a cheater and have never identified with guys who A) enter relationships with women they clearly hate or B) claim they love women that they treat like shit.  

[Simple Simon]

You don't have to - but its better for the kids if you care about how they are going to be raised and brought up. 

   

no it isnt, it makes no difference at all, marriage is just a religious and legal ceremony, it actually binds people together sometimes and has a negative effect on their relationship.

[Grape Ape]

LOL yeah because so few mature people have affairs     I mean, I guess you could retcon it and define maturity as the decision not to stray, but  outside of that, there are legions of people who are responsible and mature in pretty much every aspect of life who decide to cheat. And post-encounter (not to mention pre-encounter) isn't the same for everyone. Like I said in a previous post, when considering an affair, your rationalizations get distorted. Every sitch doesn't play out like a Lifetime movie.

.
I used the term mature in the context of a mindset of someone who has been around a bit, vs someone who may be younger and only viewing it through the lens of the moment.

The evolution to a more mature perspective, in other words.

[Soul Crusher]

no it isnt, it makes no difference at all, marriage is just a religious and legal ceremony, it actually binds people together sometimes and has a negative effect on their relationship.

Depends - a lot of time when the check has control over the situation totally - she can pick up and take off - then what are you going to do?  Go to court to enforce your "rights"   - please. 

Plus, what if the woman you had a kid with now marries or shacks up with some thug who you think is a danger or bad influence on your kid? 

[Dave D]

Cancer is a disease that often times results in death.There is a risk/ reward scenario with cheating that isn't there with cancer.  The point of the 60% thing was not to say that everyone is doing it so it must be okay, it was an attempt to guide things on to a more realistic, less melodramatic track. The simple fact of the matter is that cheating isn't a death sentence. In some situations, being exposed as a cheater can fuck up your life, but even that isn't 100% guaranteed. People cheat and are cheated on all the time and they move on with their lives.

That being said, the point of me starting this thread wasn't really to justify cheating, explain it away or get permission other getbiggers. The point of this thread was to have an honest discussion about trying to faithful.  Based on my posts in this thread, it's pretty clear that if I ever move into that direction of cheating, it will be something I arrive at with a lot of internal conflict. But the reality is the aftermath of having an affair exposed either changes your life or it doesn't and all parties have to move on with their life.

I'm not necessarily disappointed that so many of you are monogamy proponents, but I am surprised that so few of you have been tempted to stray.

But thanks for the response. 

I wasn't comparing cheating and cancer I was comparing situations people go through, my point was just because people live through and survive events doesn't mean you want to experience them.

I think many speak from experience, and speak from the effect of cheating in their own lives.

I understand your plight, temptation to cheat can be strong. Maybe the question you need to ask is how satisfied are you in your relationship?

Cheating isnt a death sentence. Neither is having multiple children with different mothers. When other people are involved is where things get difficult. Just because you can over come something doesn't mean everyone else will. I'm sure you know multiple adults that lament who their fathers were and what they did (and I realize these people need to move on from childhood trauma).

My point was you should stay true to yourself.  You said you've never cheated, don't start now.  And don't let your marriage be the relationship for the first time you do.

Also if you dont mind take your ring off the next few times you flirt with one of these chicks just to see their response. Ive noticed some women view married men as more desirable. I'm curious of your experiences.