Exactly. The piece of trash I was dating in 2018 nearly ruined my life. And this was despite having a very beautiful girlfriend until this past August 1st. It was absolutely NOT worth it, and I have three kids to support, and I'm still only picking up the pieces now. Granted, the lockdown gave me an excuse to just do nothing and be a loser, so the timing kind of worked out where I could say I'm just doing nothing because of the lockdown, as opposed to still being damaged over my relationship with a complete scumbag in 2018 [although both are technically true, I suppose - gyms in Ontario are closed again].
Absolutely not worth it. For example, this piece of garbage hid a 5-year opiate and benzodiazepine addiction from me. THAT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
And the way she lied about it - she was like "Just so you know...I've used opiates in my past." When she said it, I was like...uhh?? So?
I was prescribed Percocet in 2011, and I don't need to make it a point to tell everyone. If the use was current and ongoing [and addiction], that would be another story.
I'll stop there before this post hits 10,000 words. That piece of scum nearly ruined my life, but as it turns out...I think...I may come out on the other side better/stronger/richer than I was before. But I won this battle FROM THE SKIN OF MY TEETH. I am not a suicidal person...I've had suicidal thoughts in my life, but never attempted suicide. But if anything could have gotten me to suicide, it was this piece of absolute trash. Complete scumbag. She did about 3-4 things equally as bad as hiding her long-term drug addiction, then getting me to pay for it under the guise of getting clean...only for me to find out through a good friend of hers that she was straight-up addicted since 2013. Had I known that, it would have changed EVERYTHING, as I would have NEVER tolerated her ever getting me to think anything I said or did resulted in her horrible mood swings as it was all consistent with withdrawal.
You're a good looking dude, indie-lad...I assume you have a harem of female friends you can call if you need sex? That's been my approach. That said, I think this 2018 girl impacted my epigenetics. I'm literally not as aroused as I once was, and this Rocco video...just makes me sick to watch the 13 minutes I watched. I seriously think my arousal by women has been impacted/damaged from the piece of trash I was with, despite having been with my 2019 girlfriend a lot [until she dumped me for talking to other women...she was super jealous, but we're still friends, and I ultimately respect her].
Have you watched the 1980's Swamp Thing movie? I think by Wes Craven. That may be a rhetorical question. 
Is it good? Worth watching?
I get and agree with everything you said and I always respect your honesty Matt. You never hold anything back, it's always good to read. First off, yes I saw the Swamp Thing movie many years ago when I was young. I'll have to see it again to get it fresh in my mind. I'll get back to you on it.
Now my rant.
In 2006, I divorced my wife (who was my high school sweetheart) and she ruthlessly took my 600k two-family house to where I had to live in a renovated garage for three years, took all my money (as in child-support, lawyers and court costs) and tried to take my daughter who was three at the time. Things looked bleak for me during those years as I hung onto life from a string. Yes, I thought of suicide and even had thoughts how I could murder the arrogant bitch. I even cleverly confiscated all the negatives of our sex pictures taken on an old-style camera that she didn't think I had and if I was on my last legs and had nothing to lose, I had a plan to ruin her life by emailing them to not only everybody in her family, but her work. I would've even put them up all over the internet, sex sites and here as well lol. She comes from a VERY prominent family and teaches in a VERY prominent school in Massachusetts, so something like that would've ruined her and me. BUT that would be my final option because I couldn't do that to my daughter. So I kept that and all my anger in my back pocket.
You know what I did? The hardest thing of all. I worked on myself to get better. It took me TEN FUCKING YEARS of attrition, tears and sleepless nights to find the will and drive to become better than her, how she and her arrogant family looked at me and how I looked at myself. In my mind, I was a complete and utter failure to my daughter. A loser. One night when she was four and sleeping next to me, I promised her I would do something big in life and be a somebody. That she could be proud to tell her friends that I was her dad.
Somehow, I managed to get a small writing gig for a magazine, then I quit my shitty assistant teaching job and took a big risk to go full entrepreneur and started my own business that through hard work eventually got bigger and blossomed into me becoming a manager/agent/promoter getting high-end clients and now traveling the world, doing deals and making BIG money. I crawled out of my deep hole of despair and became a fucking success. I don't like to brag about my achievements, especially on Getbig, but I did things I thought I never could; from hanging and befriending celebrities (I admired), and sleeping with women I thought would never even look at me. Believe me, when you're making bank and hanging with people in important social circles, girls will come out of the woodwork for you. They get wet around alpha-males so don't believe the liberal feminism shtick of the left.
Today, my ex-wife lives alone and is single, both her pompous parents have died, she popped out another kid who is now eight years old and out of control, got married and divorced again to some loser alcoholic that doesn't pay her a dime and even tried to kill himself, she complains all the time about how she has no help and best of all, she got really ugly and fat! My daughter, now sixteen, has an incredible relationship with me. We are really close (which pisses off mommy because they fight all the time), is doing awesome in school, who I taught good values and whom I proudly opened up so many avenues for her future simply because I can. She loves that all her friends want to know more about me because I'm that "cool dad" they follow on Instagram and such. All in all, I went through absolute Hell but I fulfilled my promise to her and myself and I'm far from a loser now.
Just to be a prick, a few months ago a book I co-wrote with Roy Thomas for Marvel Comics came out and became a HUGE seller and I sent the article as a text to my ex-wife pretending to send it to my daughter so she could see the accomplishments I'm achieving today lol, of course she never responded. That's how you get all those bitches back that have hurt you through the years! You become better than them!!! All my ex-wife's idiotic rich friends are fat, bored and complain about their current husbands. Their lives suck because they got nothing to look forward to but high school reunions and funerals. I love it!
Through everything, I never missed a child-support payment, I'm debt-free, totally independent, a proud father, in awesome shape, rich AND single. I do whatever I want. I've got no vices or anything to lock me down. I've never drank alcohol, coffee, soda, smoked, or did a drug (besides a few roid cycles). Even the PLANdemic can't stop me. I just flew to Florida last week (clients paid for everything) and made high 5 digits in one day just sitting there from the deal I made. Flew back home, showed my daughter the check and gave her a big kiss. I'm flying to South Carolina at the end of the month and being filmed for an upcoming big budget Stan Lee documentary. How awesome is that?
Not to get all preachy, but you can get through anything if you focus on yourself and fuck everything else. I'm proof positive everything will work out if you put in the effort because I'm betting most of the people on here got more skills than I ever had. I just had the will and drive to be better. Yes, it might be really, really tough, but if it wasn't, it wouldn't feel so good when you achieve greatness on the other side.
Fuck my ex-wife hahaha!!
Go get yours Matt.