Wes you’re never alone
Reach out / Speak Out whenever you Need To.
👍🏻
Thanks brother...my wife is in a kind of state of denial and really doesn`t like to talk about the whole ordeal and though I know a zillion people in town at 64 years old I dont hang out with anyone at all.............mostly stay home with my wife.
Just 2 weeks ago my younger sister who lives in Massachusettes called me to tell me that her breast Cancer which she had 8 years before had returned so we both chat on the phone as much as we can to give our selves encouragement.
She had a tumor removed already at Mass. General Hospital In Boston and I still am waiting on my first biopsy of which I will need at least two due also to the tumor in my throat.
To be quite honest and I know this is gonna sound fucking insane but part of the lack of action on my condition was due to myself.
Back in 1993 while living in Florida I suffered a nervous breakdown........of course I was in the thrioes of drinking and drugging at the time but I had never felt so fucking scared in my entire life and trust me my life has had no shortage of insane encounters but this one scare the living fuck out of me........I was off my rocker and it was terrifying.
Back to the present and how I fucked myself............I was legit getting phone calls from different doctors and agencies 3-5 X a day ........5 days a week scheduling appointments then re-scheduling them then just a ton of calls.
My refrigerator was a mass of post-it notes which I organized and still couldn`t keep up with.
I was mentally overwhelmed and started to feel exactly how I felt while in Florida...........like my mind was slipping.
I got scared and told my wife fuck it no more phone calls I dont care.
I felt much better immediately because with my anxiety disorder in full effect, All I did was dwell on would I make it or not,will I have to be on oxygen if I make it,will I have one of those weird voice box robotic thingys,willl I be here next year or 6 months from now.............what about all the plans I had made for the future?
You get the drift !!
All of this disappeared and when I felt ready I called the Cancer research Center and they said 2 appointments at a a time and we`d go from there................muc
h more managable for me mentally but who knows what may have occured with the tumors in that 3 weeks time?
My own fault just like smoking was.......it is what it is back to square one so just wanted you guys to realize the hillbilly docs were not entirely at fault for things being delayed and pushed back......it was due to my anxiety which is a fucking monster!!
