Dating a single mom

[Rascal full]

If at any moment I suspect her cheating, flirting or doing any shit with another guy, I'm out.  I have nothing tying me down to stay other than how I feel about her but if that changes then I'm out.  I made sure that all of my possessions are in storage or in a safety deposit box.  All of my money is liquid and secure. 

About a month ago I was ready to go, had my shit packed and was ready to leave, that put her on notice.  She is not trying to change me, she is not trying to manipulate me.  In all honesty she is a great gal.  It's dealing with someone else's kid that is a pain.  The kid is a kid so they will act fucked up, but at my age, I'm done with this.  I raised two kids who are independent now so doing this shit all over again is giving me PTSD.

I don't think you guys quite understand my issue. I know there is a lot of pussy out there. Trust me, I've fucked and dated plenty.  I am and was blessed to have a job that allowed me to travel all over the world so I've fucked pussy of all kinds in all countries and have met some truly amazing women.  I also took a break for a few years and just stayed away from people and kept to myself and was also content not having sex.  I'd crack one off to good porn and go to sleep and not miss pussy.

The thing is this one woman was something else.  Thinking about the hundreds of women that I've dated in my life, none makes me feel like she does.  It's hard to explain but once you meet that person you will understand but until you do, you will never get it.  I've been in love many times, though I married "the one" but the love I feel for this woman is something outworldly and I honestly never thought I would ever feel like this.  But goddam my patience to deal with another kid is so fucking thin.  So many times I just want to smack the little fucker and I've never hit a kid before.  If she called him a little asshole a few times because he is.  I'm sure his parents being separated is causing all sorts of mental issues for him but it's still nauseating.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I know I can go and meet new pussy in the next 5 minutes but it's not ever going to feel the same.

Dude you love her this much learn to adapt and live with the kid. You won't find another chick now you love this much without a kid. Getting older man, kids come with the territory.

[Humble Narcissist]

Dude you love her this much learn to adapt and live with the kid. You won't find another chick now you love this much without a kid. Getting older man, kids come with the territory.

There are no single women without kids available anywhere?

[El Diablo Blanco]

There are no single women without kids available anywhere?

I'm 45.  If I meet a 20 year, she will want kids or even a 30 year old.  Any chick about 35 without kids, unless she had some physical issue and couldn't have them will be a nut case.  I know because I've dated a few.  If you're lucky you can find a chick with an older kid who is out of the house and that would be ideal.  A woman who takes great care of herself.

[Dave D]

I'm 45.  If I meet a 20 year, she will want kids or even a 30 year old.  Any chick about 35 without kids, unless she had some physical issue and couldn't have them will be a nut case.  I know because I've dated a few.  If you're lucky you can find a chick with an older kid who is out of the house and that would be ideal.  A woman who takes great care of herself.

Bro it sounds like you need to adjust your expectations.

Howard is a great example of someone finding a woman who didn't want kids.

You should know how this works by now. This woman isnt looking for advice on how to raise her kid, she wants someone who is there for her.  She isnt ever leaving the kid, if anything she will over compensate for being a single mother without a  reliable father.

She is probably telling everyone how great she is doing as a single mom and how fantastic her son is turning out, meanwhile you're saying the opposite. You both are seeing 2 completely different pictures. Both of you are living in a fantasy world though.

Shes not going to be whatever your "perfect" woman is because she has a kid you're not interested in. The sooner you realize you're the problem, because you think she can be someone she is not,  the easier it will be for you to make a decision on how to proceed.

[Grape Ape]

If at any moment I suspect her cheating, flirting or doing any shit with another guy, I'm out.  I have nothing tying me down to stay other than how I feel about her but if that changes then I'm out.  I made sure that all of my possessions are in storage or in a safety deposit box.  All of my money is liquid and secure. 

About a month ago I was ready to go, had my shit packed and was ready to leave, that put her on notice.  She is not trying to change me, she is not trying to manipulate me.  In all honesty she is a great gal.  It's dealing with someone else's kid that is a pain.  The kid is a kid so they will act fucked up, but at my age, I'm done with this.  I raised two kids who are independent now so doing this shit all over again is giving me PTSD.

I don't think you guys quite understand my issue. I know there is a lot of pussy out there. Trust me, I've fucked and dated plenty.  I am and was blessed to have a job that allowed me to travel all over the world so I've fucked pussy of all kinds in all countries and have met some truly amazing women.  I also took a break for a few years and just stayed away from people and kept to myself and was also content not having sex.  I'd crack one off to good porn and go to sleep and not miss pussy.

The thing is this one woman was something else.  Thinking about the hundreds of women that I've dated in my life, none makes me feel like she does.  It's hard to explain but once you meet that person you will understand but until you do, you will never get it.  I've been in love many times, though I married "the one" but the love I feel for this woman is something outworldly and I honestly never thought I would ever feel like this.  But goddam my patience to deal with another kid is so fucking thin.  So many times I just want to smack the little fucker and I've never hit a kid before.  If she called him a little asshole a few times because he is.  I'm sure his parents being separated is causing all sorts of mental issues for him but it's still nauseating.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I know I can go and meet new pussy in the next 5 minutes but it's not ever going to feel the same.

Feels like you keep trying to imagine this ideal situation where the person you describe above exists in all this greatness, but doesn't have the kid.

That situation doesn't exist, so either accept the kid as part of this package or move on.

You'll just fuck it up eventually if you don't.

[WoogsRaven]

There are no single women without kids available anywhere?

There're out there. But in the perverse mind of the average male, women aged 35+ with no kids to speak of will always raise a red flag.

Much easier for a man in his 40's to not have kids and not be questioned about it.

[El Diablo Blanco]

Feels like you keep trying to imagine this ideal situation where the person you describe above exists in all this greatness, but doesn't have the kid.

That situation doesn't exist, so either accept the kid as part of this package or move on.

You'll just fuck it up eventually if you don't.

You're right and I keep thinking about it.  The kid is never leaving.  if by some miracle he goes off to college that won't be for a long while.  I need to decide if it's worth it.  Such a simple decision but so fucking complicated to make

[Kwon]

[Grape Ape]

You're right and I keep thinking about it.  The kid is never leaving.  if by some miracle he goes off to college that won't be for a long while.  I need to decide if it's worth it.  Such a simple decision but so fucking complicated to make

Eh, if she's this great, just go all in and give it a shot.

You may find out the kid factor isn't the hang up you thought it was, and it's better for the kid too.

Plus it give you mental relief.

Worst case is you were right and it ends later rather than now.

If you leave now, you'll always be wondering "what if" anyways.

[SOMEPARTS]

Eh, if she's this great, just go all in and give it a shot.

You may find out the kid factor isn't the hang up you thought it was, and it's better for the kid too.

Plus it give you mental relief.

Worst case is you were right and it ends later rather than now.

If you leave now, you'll always be wondering "what if" anyways.

"give it a shot"?    He lives in her house, seems well past that.

Either stay or don't. The conflict isn't going away and it's OP's to deal with as he is the adult.

My rule is to deal with crazy in their 30s over raising somebody else's spawn. Not even interested in that kind of involvement in somebody else's permanent life choices.

[Grape Ape]

"give it a shot"?    He lives in her house, seems well past that.

Either stay or don't. The conflict isn't going away and it's OP's to deal with as he is the adult.

My rule is to deal with crazy in their 30s over raising somebody else's spawn. Not even interested in that kind of involvement in somebody else's permanent life choices.

There's a difference between living with someone, and being mentally all in.

He's in a limbo state where he's imagining a self-created ideal that doesn't exist and isn't an option, but keeps dwelling on it.

My suggestion was eliminate that barrier, or go.

[Humble Narcissist]

"give it a shot"?    He lives in her house, seems well past that.

Either stay or don't. The conflict isn't going away and it's OP's to deal with as he is the adult.

My rule is to deal with crazy in their 30s over raising somebody else's spawn. Not even interested in that kind of involvement in somebody else's permanent life choices.

I agree.

[Howard]

You truly are a fucking idiot.

I wish one of your ex-wives would have doused you with gasoline and lit you on fire while you slept.

LOL, good zinger and nice detail with the "doused you with gasoline" detail 

[Howard]

Dude you love her this much learn to adapt and live with the kid. You won't find another chick now you love this much without a kid. Getting older man, kids come with the territory.

If he really loves her, that's a viable option for him.

BUT, I'm nothing special and met my current wife after 2 previous divorces at age 49.
She's pretty , also divorced and never had kids. We were married 8 years ago.

In my opinion, the only thing worse then being single and lonely, is to feel trapped in a bad relationship.

[Rascal full]

If he really loves her, that's a viable option for him.

BUT, I'm nothing special and met my current wife after 2 previous divorces at age 49.
She's pretty , also divorced and never had kids. We were married 8 years ago.

In my opinion, the only thing worse then being single and lonely, is to feel trapped in a bad relationship.

I agree Howard and you gave some solid advice in your post above. I think the fact she is dedicated to her son shows she is a normal, decent woman. No way is a chick who is ambivalent about her child a good potential partner.

[Howard]

I agree Howard and you gave some solid advice in your post above. I think the fact she is dedicated to her son shows she is a normal, decent woman. No way is a chick who is ambivalent about her child a good potential partner.

My sister-in-law adopted a 2 yr old girl from Guatemala ( Central America) 12 years ago.
She always wanted to be a mom and never had kids and had been divorced.

She  met /married a man who shared her desire to adopt a child in need.
For them , it's a labor of love and was the answer to their prayers.

In fact, since we don't have kids, this adopted niece will likely be the
relative my wife and I  trust to handle our affairs , when we get "too old" .

Soooooooooooooooo, if El Diablo wants to be a father to her boy, it's what she needs.
If, like me, he doesn't want to raise the kid, he needs to  move on .

[Humble Narcissist]

My sister-in-law adopted a 2 yr old girl from Guatemala ( Central America) 12 years ago.
She always wanted to be a mom and never had kids and had been divorced.

She  met /married a man who shared her desire to adopt a child in need.
For them , it's a labor of love and was the answer to their prayers.

In fact, since we don't have kids, this adopted niece will likely be the
relative my wife and I  trust to handle our affairs , when we get "too old" .

Soooooooooooooooo, if El Diablo wants to be a father to her boy, it's what she needs.
If, like me, he doesn't want to raise the kid, he needs to  move on .

Maybe your sister in law just wants someone to do yard work.

[El Diablo Blanco]

I agree Howard and you gave some solid advice in your post above. I think the fact she is dedicated to her son shows she is a normal, decent woman. No way is a chick who is ambivalent about her child a good potential partner.

That's the dilemma, One of the things I admire about her is her tireless work ethic in balancing work and her kid. If she was a total shit mom I don't think I could respect her.  Again, this is not about her.  She is amazing, just an amazing woman in so many ways, but the kid.  Fuck, it's so hard dealing with kid shit.

[Grape Ape]

I have provided the proper answer.

Ignore everything else.

[Howard]

Maybe your sister in law just wants someone to do yard work.

She has her husband trained to do the yard work.

I hated mowing the yard and doing yard work growing up, but I did it.
At age 12, I tried to stop shoveling the drive way. My dad never said a word and  pushed me, face first into the snow bank.
I got up and started shoveling again and he just glanced back and nodded at me. 

[Howard]

That's the dilemma, One of the things I admire about her is her tireless work ethic in balancing work and her kid. If she was a total shit mom I don't think I could respect her.  Again, this is not about her.  She is amazing, just an amazing woman in so many ways, but the kid.  Fuck, it's so hard dealing with kid shit.

I don't know you or your exact situation , etc.  But, I've had to make the hard calls in similar situations.
Some folks ENJOY the interactions with kids and feel parenthood is a "labor of love".

You don't feel that way about this kid and that's NOT likely to change.

[Dave D]

That's the dilemma, One of the things I admire about her is her tireless work ethic in balancing work and her kid. If she was a total shit mom I don't think I could respect her.  Again, this is not about her.  She is amazing, just an amazing woman in so many ways, but the kid.  Fuck, it's so hard dealing with kid shit.

You don’t make sense. You find it attractive in how great of a mother she is but can’t stand the kid...

You need to address your issues to.

Youre 45 and you’ve hooked up with women all over the world and walked away from them for one reason or another and now that the shoe is on the other foot you can handle it?

Imagine the kid disappeared or died.  Your relationship would get worse not better.  Her child will always be a primary focus of her life, no matter where or what age he is.

You have had good advice offered here, apply it.

[Walter Sobchak]

If at any moment I suspect her cheating, flirting or doing any shit with another guy, I'm out.  I have nothing tying me down to stay other than how I feel about her but if that changes then I'm out.  I made sure that all of my possessions are in storage or in a safety deposit box.  All of my money is liquid and secure. 

About a month ago I was ready to go, had my shit packed and was ready to leave, that put her on notice.  She is not trying to change me, she is not trying to manipulate me.  In all honesty she is a great gal.  It's dealing with someone else's kid that is a pain.  The kid is a kid so they will act fucked up, but at my age, I'm done with this.  I raised two kids who are independent now so doing this shit all over again is giving me PTSD.

I don't think you guys quite understand my issue. I know there is a lot of pussy out there. Trust me, I've fucked and dated plenty.  I am and was blessed to have a job that allowed me to travel all over the world so I've fucked pussy of all kinds in all countries and have met some truly amazing women.  I also took a break for a few years and just stayed away from people and kept to myself and was also content not having sex.  I'd crack one off to good porn and go to sleep and not miss pussy.

The thing is this one woman was something else.  Thinking about the hundreds of women that I've dated in my life, none makes me feel like she does.  It's hard to explain but once you meet that person you will understand but until you do, you will never get it.  I've been in love many times, though I married "the one" but the love I feel for this woman is something outworldly and I honestly never thought I would ever feel like this.  But goddam my patience to deal with another kid is so fucking thin.  So many times I just want to smack the little fucker and I've never hit a kid before.  If she called him a little asshole a few times because he is.  I'm sure his parents being separated is causing all sorts of mental issues for him but it's still nauseating.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I know I can go and meet new pussy in the next 5 minutes but it's not ever going to feel the same.

Listen to this peter puffer...

“I had my bags packed and that put her on notice.”

Hahahahahahaha, you’re a fucking squatter in her house and she is riding more side cock than XFACTOR’s wife. I will bet anything that within hours of you putting her on notice that she had a mouthful of dick and took a hot load in her ass.

You’re a cuck. Go beat your meat on Zoom, you limp dicked phaggot.

[tres_taco_combo]

In my opinion, the only thing worse then being single and lonely, is to feel trapped in a bad relationship.

solid post

[Humble Narcissist]

Listen to this peter puffer...

“I had my bags packed and that put her on notice.”

Hahahahahahaha, you’re a fucking squatter in her house and she is riding more side cock than XFACTOR’s wife. I will bet anything that within hours of you putting her on notice that she had a mouthful of dick and took a hot load in her ass.

You’re a cuck. Go beat your meat on Zoom, you limp dicked phaggot.

That is harsh.