Because I am surrounded by poo throwing monkeys???
I understand. If I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on about every art book ever written. Michelangelo. You know a lot about him. Life’s work. Political aspirations. Him and the Pope. Sexual orientation. The whole works, right?
But I bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seen that.
If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy.
You’re a tough kid. If I ask you about war, you’d probably throw Kosovo at me, right? “Once more into the breach, dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap and watch him gasp his last breath, looking to you for help.
If I ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable.
Known someone who can level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of Hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel. To have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer.
And you wouldn’t know about sleeping, sitting up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms visiting hours don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss. Because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much.
I look at you, I don’t see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared-shitless kid. But you’re a genius, Brian. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a photo of my abs, and you ripped my fucking life apart.
You’re an orphan, right? Do you think I’d know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you?
Personally, I don’t give a shit about all that, because you know what? I can’t learn anything from you that I can’t read in some fucking book. Unless you want to talk about you. Who you are. And I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that, do you, sport? You’re terrified of what you might say.
Your move, chief.
