If you found $1 million in a suitcase abandoned, what would you do to keep it?

[Sandrock]

Nerve touched?

I think you missed the obvious joke.

[AbrahamG]

Dead to rights. Sailed right over my head.

[SOMEPARTS]

With a million dollar suitcase I’d worry first if somebody comes looking for it.

Looking for what? See how easy this is? 

[Rusty Trombone]

You guys fucking kidding? My business is mostly cash. And as a gambler I deal in mostly cash. Easy as hell to make up where it came from and spend it. I buy everything in cash and no one has ever said a word. Who worries about using cash and what the feds might say? Let them come asking cause they won’t find it anyways.

This.

And they believe someone would look into how you have been dining at your restaurant meals and gas purchases but not at how you bought a house? 

[Mayday]

Cash is easy to burn through legit.

You won’t get pinned being normal. You get pinned being a spastic buying a 300k car with cash.

It took about 600k to furnish the house I built, all individual items. Could easily have done it with cash.

Buy a painting and sell it to someone who has money in the bank. You give them painting+30k cash and they give you a 30k bank transfer. You pay capital gains tax on the money and now It’s legit.

[delon]

I'd take 100k out and leave the suitcase there

Rationale:
* Still a very nice little bit of pocket change
* Could relatively easily filter this through your spending patterns over the course of a few years without raising any flags with a bit of thought and impulse control
* if the suitcase was owned and retrieved by malevolent types, I would think they would be more grateful for still having 900k and just let the 100 slide given the circumstances of it being left like that

In other words, enjoy some finders spoils, but not be looking over your shoulder

[gib]

if you somehow found an unclaimed computer in the trash with no personal info but a Bitcoin wallet and password and 1000 BTC in it, what would you do? You literally can't do anything with it if you want to stay on the right side of the law, especially in USA.

False. Indeed its entirely the opposite. US law is very clear on the ownership of found/abandoned assets. Essentially, to put it very simply "finders, keepers".

[Walter Sobchak]

This.

And they believe someone would look into how you have been dining at your restaurant meals and gas purchases but not at how you bought a house? 

Any half decent businessman should be able to launder $1M with little effort at all.

[joswift]

False. Indeed its entirely the opposite. US law is very clear on the ownership of found/abandoned assets. Essentially, to put it very simply "finders, keepers".

Nope

The finder must take reasonable steps to locate the owner. If the finder shows that reasonable steps to find the owner have been taken then the finder may establish that the required mens rea for theft, the intention to deprive the owner permanently, is absent.

Now we have to define "resonable steps", normally its "what a reasonable person would have done in the same circumstance"

[obsidian]

False. Indeed its entirely the opposite. US law is very clear on the ownership of found/abandoned assets. Essentially, to put it very simply "finders, keepers".

Only if you cannot determine the lawful owner.

Finders keepers law is a common law rule that allows a person who finds lost property to keep it, unless the original owner claims it.

But when I said you can't do anything with it I meant if you plan to spend the full million you're going to get burned. Either you have to declare it and pay taxes or if the owner is known, return it. That's why I stated in the Bitcoin example, "...if you somehow found an unclaimed computer in the trash with no personal info". But I believe, if the username on the computer is public and there are other personal documents identifying a person, it is likely the computer is theirs. I guess an argument could be made that they did not want the computer anymore - similar to what happened with Kevin Costner and his hat in Dances with Wolves. But the ex-owner could claim they lost their computer or it was stolen. If they have a police report then that computer is still their property and you can't keep the Bitcoin. Plus they might have receipts indicating when and how they acquired their Bitcoin.

[obsidian]

You guys fucking kidding? My business is mostly cash. And as a gambler I deal in mostly cash. Easy as hell to make up where it came from and spend it. I buy everything in cash and no one has ever said a word. Who worries about using cash and what the feds might say? Let them come asking cause they won’t find it anyways.

Nobody said a word because you never had the IRS knocking on your door. If enough money was involved and the IRS are looking you better have your shit straight.

[obsidian]

Buy a house and renovate it. Use the cash to pay contractors. Flip the house and do that a few times. You’ll end up paying taxes on the gainz but at least it’ll be clean. You can do the same with an old car too. If you just want to blow it, buy some shit like Rolex watches from a pawn shop. Also, if you just want to blow it, use a travel agent that takes cash. Most independent agents will.

(Armed) IRS agents: "Where are the receipts for the electrical, plumbing, and carpentry work? Oh, you paid in cash? Where did the cash come from? Give us the names of the contractors so we can confirm the amounts."

You could claim you did the work yourself - if you know how to do it. But what about the materials? You're going to pay cash for the new whole house AC / Furnace? Where did the $10,000+ cash come from to pay for that hardware?

[Beefjake]

Looking for what? See how easy this is? 

Yes, ok.

[joswift]

Any cash deposits over 10k in one go or small amounts exceeding that within a given time in a UK bank may constitute the bank contacting the police

[a_pupil]

With a million cash you'd have to come up with bigger schemes like lending money to reliable people with their repayments being to the bank or making a fake small cash business like saying you're a painter/decorater

[joswift]

Car wash

Easiest way to launder money these days

All cash and no one knows how many cars you have washed.

[loco]

Nope
Now we have to define "resonable steps", normally its "what a reasonable person would have done in the same circumstance"

Is gib ever right about anything?  LOL   

[IroNat]

A million is not that much nowadays.

I'd just spend a !ittle at a time and enjoy better food and simpler things.

[IroNat]

Cash is easy to burn through legit.

You won’t get pinned being normal. You get pinned being a spastic buying a 300k car with cash.

It took about 600k to furnish the house I built, all individual items. Could easily have done it with cash.

Buy a painting and sell it to someone who has money in the bank. You give them painting+30k cash and they give you a 30k bank transfer. You pay capital gains tax on the money and now It’s legit.

A pittance for Getbiggers.

[robcguns]

Nobody said a word because you never had the IRS knocking on your door. If enough money was involved and the IRS are looking you better have your shit straight.

I’ve been audited 3 times.

[robcguns]

Car wash

Easiest way to launder money these days

All cash and no one knows how many cars you have washed.

Yes car wash and laundry mat.

[robcguns]

Any cash deposits over 10k in one go or small amounts exceeding that within a given time in a UK bank may constitute the bank contacting the police

Yes always deposit and pull out under 10k and cashing out from casinos always cash out under 10k and go to multiple tellers or pay some one 100 to cash out more for you. Very easy to slide right by.

[Wiggs]

Short answer - not much you can do with it without raising red flags. If they started looking into you they would look at what you buy and what you don’t buy equally.  That idea of buying gas and food?  What happens when you have to explain why you been driving your car for months but have no gas purchases on your account or cash withdrawal to indicate you used your own funds at gas stations?  No charges in super markets or restaurant?  Why haven’t you starved to death?

Forget a car wash (or bar).  They are mostly digital now.  Forget a casino.  Forget smuggling it out of the country to spend in other countries (they keep records of currency exchanges everywhere. )
 
Etc.

My gf mother retired as a federal forensic accountant.  Any ways  that people have tried to get away, she has seen. 

About the safest way is a long term scheme that most people do not have the patience to pull off.  That involves legitimately purchasing a house with your own money or financing it.  Then using the illicit money to pay a contractor in cash to fix it up on the sly.  Nothing extensive or that requires permits or inspections. Hold it for a couple years and sell for a profit. Rinse and repeat.

As a native of Las Vegas, I'd start buying casino chips in various casinos over a period of time. I'd play enough to not make it seem like I was there for that. I'd eat lunch look around etc. Rinse and repeat but not in any detectable pattern or anything out of the ordinary.  I'd do 100k per month over 10 months, 10 different hotels. So 10k or just under each. Use as needed. 

[delon]

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino of Jersey Shore infamy was all over the 10k deposit rule, but unfortunately many other acts of tax evasion dodginess and hubris conspired to bring down this muscle brother idiot,

GTL (Gym, Tan, Launder) indeed

"Mike is also accused of structuring, or making multiple cash deposits on the same day in amounts less than $10,000, into different bank accounts that he controlled, in an effort to evade reporting requirements. The actual practice of making cash deposits (or withdrawals) of less than $10,000 is not illegal; it’s only a violation of the law when the transactions are structured “for the purpose of evading” those reporting requirements."

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2017/04/07/mike-the-situation-sorrentino-hit-with-more-charges-including-tax-evasion-structuring/amp/

[GymnJuice]

Much better to hire an accountant to avoid taxes rather than trying it as a DIY project.