This might not be funny, but I was there for fooking ages so I'm posting it!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: pants
Stranger: Today is Velociraptor Awareness Day.
You: do they wear pants?
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: To trick us all.
You: do they hide in the pants?
Stranger: No, not really. It's just that they wear them as part of an elaborate disguise to appear as humans.
You: it would take more than pants to achieve this
Stranger: That's what it's only PART of their elaborate disguise.
Stranger: Eons have gone into this great feat.
You: but I'm only interested in the pants
Stranger: Oh.
Stranger: Well.
You: i wonder what the pants smell like
Stranger: You're focusing on only one part of the problem.
You: could I sell them
Stranger: FOCUS
You: I'm focussing on lots of pants
Stranger: SNAP OUT OF IT SOLDIER
You: Snapping pants, interesting
Stranger: Oh no...
Stranger: they got to you, didn't they?
You: I was there during the Great Pant War of '76
You: It was brutal
You: Many didn't get out alive
You: I still get chills whenever I see a pair of xtra medium y fronts
Stranger: Those aren't chills.
Stranger: Have you ever seen The Matrix, son?
You: Those are the cold fingers of the dead scratching at my neck, beggin for me to put the pants to rest
Stranger: Imagine a combination of The Matrix, Day of the Dead, and Jurassic Park
You: Are you saying the pants aren't real?
Stranger: That's the hell you're living in.
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: Yes I am.
You: That they are a computer program that I am falsely believing, when the truth is that the pants are being farmed for the elastic energy they contain?
Stranger: Yes. Do you see now?
Stranger: You've been deceived.
You: This cannot be
Stranger: But it is, whether you want to believe it or not.
You: But my pants, and everything in them...
Stranger: ALL LIES.
You: Nooooooo!
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: Spread the word, my friend. Spread the word.
Stranger: And watch out for velociraptors.
You: I can no longer continue, now that this charade has been revealed to me
You: My life was pants, and now it is no more
Stranger: No
Stranger: NO
Stranger: STAY FOCUSED
Stranger: ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN PANTS
You: French knickers?
Stranger: No. No knickers. No trousers. No pantyhose.
Stranger: Think about... think about flowers.
You: But I need to feel the comfort and security provided to me by their presence
Stranger: Many things can fill that role. Not just pants.
You: Nothing can ever come close to filling the void left within me
Stranger: Flowers.
Stranger: Flowers can.
You: Flowers are nothing compared to lusciousness of man made fibres
Stranger: Flowers are their own creation. Pants are only man's creation. And man makes lots of shitty things, like... like traffic cones, and bad music.
You: Pants are God's work
Stranger: Hell no they aren't!
Stranger: What were you taught in school?
You: He designed the very first pair using nothing but simple leaf
You: They came in a rather fetching bra and panties set
You: With twig accessories
Stranger: That's just what the raptors want you to think.
You: I shall build a dome, of epic proportions, and line it with pants. Once inside I shall be free from the hatred and lies which the velociraptors wish to pour upon me
Stranger: That's thinking constructively.
Stranger: Godspeed.
You: Godspeedo's?
You: Swimming pants!!!
Stranger: Certainly.
You: Again I have meaning
Stranger: Go forth and spread meaning.
You: I shall spread the seed from my pants
Stranger: Yes.
You: Good luck to you, may your life be filled with the eternal happiness which can only be found with a nice pair of pants
Stranger: Certainly. Good day to you, good sir or madam.
You have disconnected.
