Wiggs, it's good that you can forgive--but as like now, you can never forget disrespect--from a woman. In actuality, this is kinda good for you. We all have said, "If so and so did this, I would_____", but many don't follow thru. I neither know you in IRL or your wife. But here is a thought, I don't know if you are out of the military or may still get called up, if so, would you trust her NOT to do the SAME thing again?
I had a woman play me once, and that was the last time, it wasn't a bad as your situation, but as saying goes "The game is sold, not told", you have to have bumped your head enough times to know the game. I don't think she (your wife) wanted to leave, because she may have had to go back to Germany, or maybe she was content with the situation, especially since she is 9-10 yrs older than you, so you have more options, she doesn't. And when a female knows that, she ain't gonna leave that one option go. Admit that she was in the wrong and keep it moving.
Take you getting shit from other dudes as a good thing, because if it was another poster who wasn't well liked---they'd be straight clowned.
