Sorry buddy but yeah it's denial ( not meaning to sound rude.but being straight up). You don't look bad though and at our age guys look like shit in general so you are doing good

I'm 37. I have been on 250/wk test e for 8 months. I am 5'10.
I hadn't lifted for many years. I dieted to 75kg at calliper 12% which in real life compared to average middle.age Joe looks awesome lol.
I then got on and am sitting at 86kg now 9 months later but bloated as it's been winter. If I did 500/wk I'd be another 10kg heavier. The difference is massive.
I am dieting and I dropped to 125/wk. I expect to be roughly 80kg around 10%. If I was using 500/wk I'd say 85kg around 10%.
For a 37yr old I look fit right now.
They key is don't get bogged down with an.idea of weight, especially at our age. Make sure you look good and that doesn't take much. Everybody notices a fit shape, it stands out like crazy. If you have to tell people you are fit then it means you don't look it.