bhanky, some would claim that death is the bestest of all blessings that come to us mortals. As one who has known it twice now I must tell you that if it is a gift, it is not the one that keeps on giving.
Given the cadaverous look you are currently sporting I must say that you need to live for your loved ones, including your son and not for the moment that feeds your ego.
Lighten up. I have been where we are all headed and you need to stick around for your child and be a father, not his competitor. Death does not give, it takes more away from those you love than it does from you. Trust me on this. My doctors have a new nickname for me. I just need to live up to it.
Consider this your wake up call. Enough for now.