A true story about yourself....

[chaos]

Rookies.

[POB]

Your 5 min are up. No forearms=new TRT user that uses wrist straps and shity form while training arms,claims natty,FILT 

[FitnessFrenzy]

[phreak]

Got wasted on tequila once. Well, I was already plenty drunk, and then I took 20 (yes, 20) shots of tequila in a row. Got to a bathroom somehow. Sat down to take a dump, and blacked out. A few hours later I was woken up because they were taking the door out of the stall to get me out. I know it was a few hours later, because it turned out I had puked into my crotch, filling my pants and underwear with tequila barf. Which had become crunchy already.

They loaded me into the back of a van (275 Lbs at the time, so no easy feat) and rolled me out near my apartment. Woke up in bed, so apparently I figured out how my key worked.

[jon cole]

i was 4 y.o. I was playing with my dick and start to get a boner. Didnt know what it was. Started to cry and called my parent.

[galain]

Back in the good old days when "middle school" was properly called "junior high" we first got the experience of picking electives...sort of...

All the 7th grade that weren't in band took one unit of music, one of art, and one of either wood shop or home economics.  Back then, most girls took home ec and most boys took wood shop (I realize that today most schools now make all students take all four)...

As a joke, I told several of my friends that I was going to sign up for home ec...I made up a b.s. story about "my cousin up in Maryland" who took home ec and was the only guy in the class, and that because the girls admired his "modern, sensitive" outlook, he got more tail than you could shake a stick at...

Sure enough, these guys told others (despite me "making them promise not to tell anyone about my plan") and that spring, 26 young men found themselves in the first (and likely only) all-male home ec class in the history of our school.  I took wood shop like any heterosexual young man would...and told several girls that these guys were all queers and got myself some unexpected cheerleader tail for good measure.

Genius!

[BigCyp]

I had that happen to me while leaving Sainsbury's, turned my head to watch an incredible arse walk into the supermarket and crashed onto the front part of the car, fucking up my knee.

Bitch was worth it though

Lol Sainsburys brings back bad memories of me and the wife going christmas shopping there a few years back, I'm pushing the trolley and periodically running with it and doing muscle ups on the handle, my wife tells me 3 or 4 times to stop doing it in case I make a pratt of myself, so I do it one more time with extra gusto and the back of the trolley goes towards the floor while i'm running full speed (and mid-jump) hahahaha, It took every ounce of getbig power within me to run the same speed as the trolley and gradually get it upright (my head is about 2 inches from the car park floor the whole time btw) and when I eventually look up there's a HUGE queue of shoppers waiting for taxi's laughing their evil asses off at me (even the children were laughing) My wife is sooooo embarrassed so I did the only thing I could think of to diffuse the situation - turned to the queue of mockery and pull a massive front double bi and then a theatrical bow!!!! This helped diffuse the situation a little

[bigmc]

Lol Sainsburys brings back bad memories of me and the wife going christmas shopping there a few years back, I'm pushing the trolley and periodically running with it and doing muscle ups on the handle, my wife tells me 3 or 4 times to stop doing it in case I make a pratt of myself, so I do it one more time with extra gusto and the back of the trolley goes towards the floor while i'm running full speed (and mid-jump) hahahaha, It took every ounce of getbig power within me to run the same speed as the trolley and gradually get it upright (my head is about 2 inches from the car park floor the whole time btw) and when I eventually look up there's a HUGE queue of shoppers waiting for taxi's laughing their evil asses off at me (even the children were laughing) My wife is sooooo embarrassed so I did the only thing I could think of to diffuse the situation - turned to the queue of mockery and pull a massive front double bi and then a theatrical bow!!!! This helped diffuse the situation a little

shopping trolley power slides are the most important part of a shopping trip

I wish I had a pound for every time ive power slid round a corner and hit someone in the back of the legs

[Thespritz0]

I've mentioned this before, but here it goes again:

When I was almost 16 (two months away) I went to my friends house to play video games, I didn't know he was trying out for our school's football team (I was on the soccer team)
so our days were mixed up!  His Mom invited me in, fed me dinner, and joined me in playing (Intellivision back then, 1980's) video games.  She eventually put her hand on my knee,
and I turned beet-red, my mouth was dry as fuck, and my heart was racing... she said to me bluntly "Let's go to the bedroom".  Nine months later, my friend informed everyone his
Mom had a baby brother!  When he got older, he had straight hair (everyone else in the family had extreme curly hair), and I have straight hair...

P.S.  YES, this is a TRUE story!!

[Primemuscle]

I read between the lines.  It was pretty obvious that's what you meant. 

And you just made my point.

[Archer77]

And you just made my point.

It's consistent with your character. 

[Primemuscle]

It's consistent with your character. 

You don't know my character.

[Chacka]

Yes, but I don't now wear braces anymore on my legs.  

[Archer77]

You don't know my character.

Its seems like you.  

[Palpatine Q]

Back in the good old days when "middle school" was properly called "junior high" we first got the experience of picking electives...sort of...

All the 7th grade that weren't in band took one unit of music, one of art, and one of either wood shop or home economics.  Back then, most girls took home ec and most boys took wood shop (I realize that today most schools now make all students take all four)...

As a joke, I told several of my friends that I was going to sign up for home ec...I made up a b.s. story about "my cousin up in Maryland" who took home ec and was the only guy in the class, and that because the girls admired his "modern, sensitive" outlook, he got more tail than you could shake a stick at...

Sure enough, these guys told others (despite me "making them promise not to tell anyone about my plan") and that spring, 26 young men found themselves in the first (and likely only) all-male home ec class in the history of our school.  I took wood shop like any heterosexual young man would...and told several girls that these guys were all queers and got myself some unexpected cheerleader tail for good measure.

Sounds a bit ambitious. ..and you were fucking girls in the 7th grade ?  Not buying it.

[Knooger]

Sounds a bit ambitious. ..and you were fucking girls in the 7th grade ?  Not buying it.

I got laid the first time at about the end of the 8th grade, so 7th grade pussy doesn't sound too unlikely.

[38-26-40]

When I was a teenager, I drove up a Ventura freeway off ramp in Woodland Hills CA with a car full of friends on a dare at around midnight. Fortunately,  no one was exiting at the time. I flipped a U and got the heck out of there. We were such idiots, we all thought this was funny.

When I was sixteen, I went to a New Years party in Hollywood, CA with friends. I brought a fifth of Vodka and drank most of it. When I had to piss, I pissed out the apartment window. In the early hours of the morning, I was sleeping in the car I had gone to the party in. Only problem was that it was the right make and model but not the right car. The owner came out to go to work, saw me sleeping in her car and called the police. I told them a sob story of epic proportions and they let me go with instructions to walk home. Problem was, I'd left my shoes and my jacket at the party. When I went up to get them, they were gone along with my wallet which had been in my jacket pocket. I walked from Hollywood to Encino in my bare feet. When I finally climbed into my own bed, my mom came in and announced that I had chores to do and not to expect to sleep all day. Thanks mom!

My wife who was my girlfriend at the time and I went to a Budweiser sponsored college party. I got loaded and when she dropped me off at my apartment, I threw up on the front lawn while she watched. She still married me.

You walked from Hollywood to Encino??? Bare feet?? OMG!!!!!!!

[Palpatine Q]

I got laid the first time at about the end of the 8th grade, so 7th grade pussy doesn't sound too unlikely.

7th grade is 11-12 years old.  pre-puberty.  and this guy is banging "cheerleader tail"....please  

and I'm sure Ferris Bueller here got 30 7th grade boys  to sign up for Home Ec. without one person saying a word.  it's bullshit.

[Knooger]

7th grade is 11-12 years old.  pre-puberty.  and this guy is banging "cheerleader tail"....please  

and I'm sure Ferris Bueller here got 30 7th grade boys  to sign up for Home Ec. without one person saying a word.  it's bullshit.

I agree, it's most likely a bullshit story.

[YngiweRhoads]

Traveled around the Country for a year and 1/2 with 3 strippers while they worked in various towns across Canada. Good times.

[Primemuscle]

You walked from Hollywood to Encino??? Bare feet?? OMG!!!!!!!

I had tough feet even before that walk. I was always going barefoot in those days. It was a long walk though. I don't think I could do it today. Fortunately, my parent's house was right near Sepulveda and Ventura Blvd in the flats as opposed to up in the hills.

[The Ugly]

I once killed a disheveled drifter. Beat him to death with a Road Atlas. Good times.

[Parker]

I once comtemplated going to seminary school...

[King Shizzo]

I once comtemplated going to seminary school...

There is a hidden message here.

[Knooger]

I once killed a disheveled drifter. Beat him to death with a Road Atlas. Good times.

Ridding the world of filthy vagrants is a noble goal. Thank you for your service.