Have you left a wife / got divorced? what to expect?

[steamboatwillie]

lol walking away is the physical manifestation of denial

Wouldn't denial be not walking away?

[steamboatwillie]

gh15 would advise you to walk from this typical americano whore.

I guarantee you that this woman is holding the pussy hostage at this point as wel.

Am I correct?

If so, run do not walk out of that mess.  Once they start using sex as a pawn, don't play the game.

Yes, that is where we are at.  I just beat it to the crossfit thread and go on about my business.

[BIG ACH]

Been married for over 6 years here...  so speaking from experience, every marriage goes through tough days, that is normal, but it sounds like in your situation its a little bit more than that.  If she can't even respect the fact that you need 1 or 2 Hours a day to yourself in the gym, something productive and that makes you better , then that is one serious issue And there is more to it than just you going to the gym.

Its hard for me or anybody else to tell you to leave or stay, but it seems you want to leave, and at the end of the day maybe thats what you need to do.  But if there is any glimmer inside you that is making you reconsider, maybe it might be a good idea for you two to go  to counseling.  


Again though, if shit is really this bad at 6 months?

[steamboatwillie]

Uberman says its ok to cold-cock a woman if she forgets her place. The only good thing he has ever said before.

LOL, she  would be dead.

[Howard]

dude wtf? kick her out immediately and blame yourself for getting into this mess in the first place. What kind of diabolical bitch did you manage to marry? She doesn't wanna work, really? Makes my blood boil just reading it.

Too drastic and will make for bad blood.
He didn't get invloved and married to her in 1 day and it will take a bit of time to get out of it, the right way.
BUT he needs to file with a lawyer, asap.

[Howard]

By reading your responses, you got yourself one clingy woman who wants to get pampered every time. Believe me, gym is not your main issue. If you have some other hobbies like coin collecting or beer bottle collecting or whatever she will get insecured and will make a fuss.

That's why she wants kids in the hope that you will solely cocentrate on her and kids.

Ask yourself this, can you revolve your world around her and her only? It is not like die for her but still..

If you cannot, tell her openly, you still love her but you have life outside of her too.. See whether she can compromise. Do trial runs without kids for about 3 months if she's willing to try. And then see how it goes..

If she is not willing to compromise, cut her loose without regrets...

In the end, marriages
are compromises; how much each of you willing to sacrifice for each other.

Great post and sound advice

[Howard]

We had counseling with her preacher before we got married....we even abstained the last 4 months of our engagement (i know, I'm a schmuck).  She says she loves me...right before going off on me.

You got marital advice from a preacher! THat was a huge mistake.
Don't do that again , see a legit, licensed therapist, please

[Viking11]

Yeah...she would be unbearable with a kid and she doesn't want to work so is have to work 16 hour days and come home and listen to what a piece of shit I am for not bring around more. 

I just couldn't read further.  Lots of good advice so far. But here's what you do.  Make her get a job. Tell her it must be at least 60k a year to pay for your booze, GH and hookers. You also will need pocket money to buy crack and other amphetamines for your 6 day a week Double split workouts.  Also, no baby til you win the Olympia, so she will have to have anal- everyday, and night.  Finally, inform her that all of these are essential, and hence non-negotiable..,

[da_vinci]

I just couldn't read further.  Lots of good advice so far. But here's what you do.  Make her get a job. Tell her it must be at least 60k a year to pay for your booze, GH and hookers. You also will need pocket money to buy crack and other amphetamines for your 6 day a week Double split workouts.  Also, no baby til you win the Olympia, so she will have to have anal- everyday, and night.  Finally, inform her that all of these are essential, and hence non-negotiable..,

It's an obvious exhaggaration, but I'd actually agree on that, just in a sense of "I'm going to the gym 5days again, at the time I want, and I want chicken breast to be cooked when I'm back from it. No discusions, PERIOD.".

[Howard]

I just couldn't read further.  Lots of good advice so far. But here's what you do.  Make her get a job. Tell her it must be at least 60k a year to pay for your booze, GH and hookers. You also will need pocket money to buy crack and other amphetamines for your 6 day a week Double split workouts.  Also, no baby til you win the Olympia, so she will have to have anal- everyday, and night.  Finally, inform her that all of these are essential, and hence non-negotiable..,

I gotta say the anal sex part will be the best part and something she will no doubt enjoy and agree to without question.
Plus, the only thing she will give birth too, is a 12" turd.

[snx]

At the risk of sounding ghey, listen to your heart. It knows what's right.

You sound like you really, truly want to leave. For what it's worth, I would never talk about my wife the way you do. Sure, we fight, but not like the way you describe. And the way you describe her, and the way you describe your feelings for her...well, that's just not the way a man talks about a woman he loves. It's the way he talks about abusive parents, if I may say so.

Clearly, you've fallen out of love with her. It's time to stop "chasing good money after bad". Cut your losses, be a man, admit you fucked up by marrying her, take accountability for the fact that even though this ride if fucked that you still played a part, take stock of yourself and your emotions, then get out. Fast. Like now. Stop wasting time. The lawyers can take care of everything for you. You're unhappy, and it needs to stop before it ruins your health, which all any of us have.

If you even love her just a bit, you know it's not fair to her to stay with her and ruin her life. She certainly doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with a man who feels so angry about her. She wants someone to love her too. Just like you do. You both deserve that in life. Because life is short...too short to go through it without love. She obviously hates living with you...she's so angry all the time. I wouldn't be surprised (and neither should you) if she expresses relief once the shock of a pending divorce sinks in. She'll see that this is good for her too. She'll feel like a failure when the marriage fails, and beg you to stay. But those are superficial emotions...the basal, truer ones are screaming at her to get out too. She'll see that in time.

And for christ's sake, don't have a kid. You think shit is bad now? Trust me...as bad as it is now, watch it go off-the-charts-shitstorm-in-a-teacup-bad when you have a kid. Kid's wreck the strongest of marriages. Almost wrecked mine. You need a rock solid union to withstand the shitstorm that is children. I wouldn't change anything now with my kids...love them and would willingly die for them, and I truly love my wife. But fuck me...when the kids were babies, it's like we were always one step away from saying "fuck you I'm outta here". Just this seething hate brewing below everything we said. Mostly, it had to do with sleep deprivation and a complete loss of control over our lifestyle, free time,  and individualism. And the realization that forever and ever, our hearts would be tethered to these little people who had the ability, just by getting sick or dying, to completely and irrevocably change the course of our entire lives. That's some serious shit man, and if you want some of that, you need a woman you can count on through the ugly times. Because there will be a lot of them. 

In short, get out now. Stop being unhappy. Stop making her unhappy. You are not compatible, and are simply not good for each other. No big deal...lots of people shouldn't be married. Pride yourself on the fact that you recognize it, and are getting out now.

[steamboatwillie]

By reading your responses, you got yourself one clingy woman who wants to get pampered every time. Believe me, gym is not your main issue. If you have some other hobbies like coin collecting or beer bottle collecting or whatever she will get insecured and will make a fuss.

That's why she wants kids in the hope that you will solely cocentrate on her and kids.

Ask yourself this, can you revolve your world around her and her only? It is not like die for her but still..

If you cannot, tell her openly, you still love her but you have life outside of her too.. See whether she can compromise. Do trial runs without kids for about 3 months if she's willing to try. And then see how it goes..

If she is not willing to compromise, cut her loose without regrets...

In the end, marriages are compromises; how much each of you willing to sacrifice for each other.

This makes a lot of sense to me....maybe I lay it out like we have 60 days to figure it out or cut ties, then keep a calendar and put a check on the good days and an x on the bad days, and if we can't get it right atleast half the time then we pull the plug.

[steamboatwillie]

She's fucking someone else.....

Move on, life is too short.

You have no idea how much I wish this was true, and I could just walk in mid-hump and end it all without being the bastard that destroyed the family. 

On a side not, anyone wanna come over and nail my wife next Thursday at 4pm?  Jk

[steamboatwillie]

I find it hard to believe these weren't issues prior to the marriage.  That you are someone that let themselves get "talked" into getting married.  Seek counseling first.  Then, if that doesn't work, just stop showering after the gym or shit your pants and throw them in the wash or any other things you can do that will make HER leave and you looking like the good guy

Looking back, I can see how she is now in the way she treated other people (like her mom, certain friends, waitresses in restaurants)....I guess I was naive enough to think she wouldn't talk to me like that.  I would be up for counseling but she is horribly against it unless it is with her preacher (who is gonna say "pray about it and study the word."

[Butterbean]

Looking back, I can see how she is now in the way she treated other people (like her mom, certain friends, waitresses in restaurants)....I guess I was naive enough to think she wouldn't talk to me like that.  I would be up for counseling but she is horribly against it unless it is with her preacher (who is gonna say "pray about it and study the word."

What denomination?

[steamboatwillie]

^^
GET OUT, GET OUT NOW, thank all of us later but DO NOT have a kid... Imagine yourself being a kid in a split-up family, and it will sicken you.  Leave, get your own place, get a new cell phone/number, hopefully she will be so embarrassed she will not even contact you.  Do NOT sell yourself out for ANY girl wanting you to stay out of the gym...

I do have my eye on a weekly rate hotel near work....changing the phone number could be a good idea too.  No way I could have a kid with her at this point.

[Archer77]

You got marital advice from a preacher! THat was a huge mistake.
Don't do that again , see a legit, licensed therapist, please

You make good sense.  All the preacher will do is tell you to pray over it and that helps no one. If talking to yourself makes you feel better go ahead and pray.

[sync pulse]

We had counseling with her preacher before we got married....we even abstained the last 4 months of our engagement (i know, I'm a schmuck).  She says she loves me...right before going off on me.

Is she an evangelical fundamentalist?...That puts a different slant on it.  Never marry someone who is not mainstream.

[hrspwr]

is there a life insurance policy on her? is there a lake nearby? Do you have access to a canoe?

[MikMaq]

Getting married is like loosing your virginity only in reverse.

[steamboatwillie]

 
4. If she completely changed from before the marriage, tell her you are worried about her physical and mental health as the change is so profound.  Encourage her to get a complete physical check up and to go to a psychologist.  You may consider both going to a counselor.  If she won't go, it may be helpful for you to go alone.
 
5.  Does she say to you that you "suck as a man" and are a "piece of sh*t?"  Calmly tell her that she needs to conduct herself in a more respectable manner if she wants you to listen to what she wants to say. 
 
You could really benefit from reading "Love Must be Tough," in which the main premise is that if you allow yourself to be treated like crap, the other person will continue to treat you like crap and not respect you. 
 
Your woman should read "His Needs, Her Needs" by (somebody Harley [ I can find the full name if you want] ).  It explains the top 5 needs of a man including having an attractive spouse, sex, and how important it is for a man to want to come home to a nice relaxing atmosphere (also lists women's top 5).
 
 
You are not alone in having a bad first year or two in marriage.  "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is an excellent book and was a huge part of saving many marriages.
 
6.  Don't rely on her to use birth control.  You should be the one responsible for using it, just to be sure.

7.  Would she go to the gym with you?

4.  It took me forever to get her to goto the doctor for her blood pressure so she could stay in birth control....I don't see how I could convince her to go for mental health issues.

5.  She does do that, and basically I just won't deal with her until she can check herself.  I've never called her a bitch, girl, any of that...mainly because the one time I called my mom a bitch my dad beat the shit out of me.  She's constantly disrespectful, but there is a limit where I won't have it.

6.  I will check these books out.  She's a big reader so I might could get her to take a look at one.

7.  I've had her come with me and she wasn't comfortable (i workout at a semi-hardcore gym...the girls that come here are mostly lesbians or extremely fit).  I got her a membership to planet fitness and she went a few days per week for a couple months, and then would only go when I went with her, and now she just says that isn't how she wants to spend our time together.  She's very self conscious because she's gotten pretty fat, but she refuses to do a damn thing about it.

[steamboatwillie]

Sounds to me like she is insecure and has a desire to control you. This can be worked out, if and only if ,she is willing to talk and LISTEN to your side. My first marriage resulted in divorce because :
1. She "discovered" she really wanted kids, a couple yrs AFTER we got married. I made it quite clear, I never was going to have kids and she agreed , but changed after 2 yrs of marriage and I didn't.

2. For some odd reason, she assumed I would quit going to the gym and do more "famliy stuff" with her after we got married.

Some woman just have these unspoken ideas that come out later in a marriage. In my case the only solution was give up on all my lifestyle ideals or divorce...I chose divorce with few regrets.
PM me if you want any more detailed advice on this matter. Good luck.

She has said on occasion, "I thought you'd change after we got married.".  I told her that I married her for who she was, not who she was going to change into.  We both wanted kids, but I can't do it at this point...and she brings up babies at every damn chance.

[MikMaq]

7.  I've had her come with me and she wasn't comfortable (i workout at a semi-hardcore gym...the girls that come here are mostly lesbians or extremely fit).  I got her a membership to planet fitness and she went a few days per week for a couple months, and then would only go when I went with her, and now she just says that isn't how she wants to spend our time together.  She's very self conscious because she's gotten pretty fat, but she refuses to do a damn thing about it.

Dump I promise you every pound will count in more ways than one.

[bike nut]

She has said on occasion, "I thought you'd change after we got married.".  I told her that I married her for who she was, not who she was going to change into.  We both wanted kids, but I can't do it at this point...and she brings up babies at every damn chance.

I read this and all I keep thinking is that she must be a fatass or you would be posting her pic trying to prove to us that she is too hot to leave.

Make her a deal....you will stay home on Friday night with her if she will give up anal. Every time she makes a demand, make a demand back to her.

Enjoy your night out with the boys....

[leadhead]

Take it from a guy who's been divorced and been in a similar situation, get the hell out of there b4 she tries to trap you with a child. I had a  lazy, half-ass working wife I divorced. She took a lot of possessions that I paid for and I owe her child support for my daughter for the next 12 years. Being alone is actually not too bad and you're young like I am and can find many other girls and have a healthy relationship elsewhere.

You better ditch the gear also as my crazy ex threatened to turn me in for a few dbols tabs that I had left over from 5 years before when I juiced regularly. Bitches are crazy and you dont want to be busted for possession(unless it's legal where you live).