Getbig Bodybuilding, Figure and Fitness Forums
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: jehwit on October 03, 2009, 02:43:25 PM
-
I
You and Branch are rabbit hunting in the woods behind his family's ranch. Branch looks larger than life, busting out of his blue flannel shirt, with worn black jeans looking like they were painted on those tree-trunk thighs! Branch leads the way, as usual, holding his grandpappy's shotgun across his chest. Branch's hound-dog, Jefferson (after Jefferson Davis), trots happily by his master's side. The sun is lowering into it's slumber for the night, casting brilliant beams of purple and red. Soon it is dark. "Time to go back home," declares Branch. The three of you- the muscleman, your inadequate self, and the canine-begin back to the ranch. Jefferson stops...Branch and yourself stop as well, looking to the dog as if he were a seer about to make a pronouncement. The dog whimpers and looks over yonder. His tail lowers between his legs. "Strange", says Branch, "Jefferson is tough as nails...I've never known him to be a sissy." Branch and yourself look over yonder...A beam of yellow light projects through the leaves, and then another...a strange banging noise is heard...Branch points the shotgun and cautiously begins walking in the direction of the lights...It's getting brighter...It's blinding...A man..a creature, really...steps forward...he's short, maybe four feet tall...A large oval head...My god, big black bug eyes...And the clothing...some kind of a aluminum foil uniform...there is an emblem of some kind on his chest..."What the hell", begins Branch...He takes aim at the creature...but..."I can't squeeze the trigger", says Branch....I can't think straight..." Branch drops the firearm...Branch falls to the ground...the dog is now laying on his side...you turn, thinking if Branch and the dog can't be saved, maybe you can save yourself...you feel an almost magnetic force pull you to the ground...then...Blacknes s...
II
You open your eyes in a room bright with fluorescent light...you try to move, but find yourself unable...you're strapped to a gurney...the straps aren't straps...some kind of visbible electrical current...strands of it, light green in hue, you can almost see the individual electrons flowing through electro-magnetic strand like little rivers...where's branch, you think...the creature comes into the room and stands over you...The head clearly visible now...too big for the body...such a tiny physique...could he really have overpowered Branch?...the eyes are big like a housefly, deep black with no pupil...two holes where the nose goes, and a slit for a mouth...the skin a sickly gray...the face wills you back into unconsciousness...
III
-
:D :D :D :D
Branch kidnapped by the aliens
This is too good to be true !
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
you are the fucking man!
-
This looks promising. I like where this thread is going!
-
Can't wait for part 3..... ;D
-
III
You awaken once again. This time you are in a different room, still strapped into the gurney by the electronic tethers. You are have been leaned up against a wall, giving you a full view of the place. It is a spacious, octagon shaped room. It has the trappings of a science lab...bright white walls, ceiling, and floor...the same fluorescent light illuminates the place, yet there is no source, no bulbs. The light is evenly projected from the walls and ceiling. There are high tech gizmos everywhere, but none of them appear familiar. You look down, and the floor is perforated with tiny holes, like an air hockey table. The floor is making a faint humming noise. You realize that you are actually hovering, not touching the floor. At the center of this lab is a table, with a glass eye mounted above it. The eye is about four feet wide...A door lifts vertically, and two more beings who look more or less like your initial captor enter the room. Like you, the are not touching the ground, but seem to glide like air hockey pucks towards you. They have the same aluminum foil uniforms, but with different emblems. They approach you and hover before you..."Where's Branch?", you ask. The one on the left lift his hand and touches your forehead. You try to form more words but the connection between your brain and your mouth has somehow been short circuited, and you are now mute. The other creature has an instrument that resembles an clothing iron. He holds it outward, toward your torso, and you feel yourself being pulled forward, gurney and all. He begins gliding backward, pulling you along. You realize you are being led toward the table with the eye above it. You are powerless to struggle or even talk. Your gurney is now leaned up against the end of the table. You think of your parents. How is this all happening. What the hell is going on. One of the gray beings touches the gurney and the electronic tethers disappear. They each grab and armpit with vise like strength and slide you onto the table so you are laying on your back, looking up into the big glass eye. It is black, like the beings eyes. New electronic bindings appear across your chest, hips, wrists and ankles. They are wider rivers of electrons than the ones on the gurney, and are bright white. You look, and see one of the aliens produce a syringe with a foot long needle. My God, you think, what's next??
-
you get a text from musclephone saying branch has retired!?
-
WAIT ONE GAWDDAMNED MINUTE HERE. WHERE'S BRANCH?
-
Can`t wait for the next one... :D
-
I can't believe it! Word can't even describe how prescious this shit is. jehwit has already hit living legnd status on Getbig and made the Getbig Hall of Fame.
- Block!
-
ok in that case jehwit, congrats and welcome to the getbig family.
-
IV
A metallic door opens vertically and another creature glides across the floor and toward the examination table. You are helpless to move, your limbs electronically bound. His gray face looking down with those ink black bug eyes. He produces a chrome, pen-like instrument and glides it down the center of your shirt, from your throat towards your navel. Your shirt opens up. Next, he takes out what appears to be a large syringe with a long needle. Holy Christ, No!! He pushes the tip of the needle a couple of inches below your navel, and plunges it into your flesh! The pain is unbearable, and he could care less. He pushes the needle deeper into your pelvic region. He now pulls back on the syringe, and a fluid begins to fill the instrument. It's semen! What the fuck! This freak is stealing your semen! Just then...you here Branch screaming from another room!! An assistant sees you getting frantic and sticks another needle into your jugular, and then...just...bright...p leasant lights and shapes...
-
First reply to the new addition in this epic thread!!
-
This is unbelieveable!
Branch Warren getting Travis Walton'd.
- Block!
-
Ha, ha, ha...Poor Branch....poor you. ;D
-
incredible!!!
-
holy shit just think of how much semen they are going to get out of branch daddy DAMN!!!!!
-
haha, I bet Branch himself also reads this masterpiece.
-
Hot damn...the wheels are rolling again!
-
This is bbing's version of, Fire in the Sky....... :-X
-
Where's Branch :o
-
The Forest has Eyes
-
Epic - Branch to the rescue... :D
-
holy shit just think of how much semen they are going to get out of branch daddy DAMN!!!!!
Gayer than paying for porn
-
haha, I bet Branch himself also reads this masterpiece.
"Jewhit" is Branch's gimmick I reckon.
-
Could "where's Branch?" be the next catchphrase on getbig?
The potential is there.
-
V
You awaken sitting in something like a dentist's chair. Trying to move, you realize you are still subdued. Another creature is now standing before you. He looks different than the others. He is obviously in charge. He looks like some kind of lizard or reptile: long, narrow green face and creepy eyes. He is wearing a white oxford shirt with blue pinstripes, a blue and gray regimented tie, pleated navy blue dress pants, and wing tipped shoes. You look at his green, scaly hands and see that they are webbed. His mouth doesn't move but you hear his voice! "Don't worry, I am transmitting messages to you in Earth English, and you are receiving them. You may think back in response," he begins in a British accent.
"Okay", you respond.
"We are in the midst of a war with the Maginis. My group has been commissioned with the task of gathering superior DNA so that we may create Super Aliens capable of mass destruction and, more importantly, able to withstand extreme punishment, including atomic radiation," the Reptilian continues, "Our search led us to one Mr. Branch Warren of the planet Earth. As fate has it, you have come along for the ride. Have no fear, you will not be harmed. We merely need Mr. Warren to mate with a selection of our female breed, and the two of you will be returned to the abduction site. At the current moment, your friend Mr. Warren has been put out to stud in one of the spacecraft's labs."
"Oh," you reply.
"Incidentally, we took a sample of your semen and, unfortunately, found your sperm to be quite lacking. May we advise you to refrain from having children? No matter. We have we want: A new generation of Branch Warren/Alien Hybrids. A generation of a New Cosmic Race which will rule the Universe!"
"What about Jehovah?", you ask.
The Reptile Commander smirks "Finally, after all eternity, we shall supplant Jehovah...And then...it is all ours! Space will belong to us!!"
-
Love it ;D ;D ;D
-
An Epic cosmic thread started by a homosexual Jehovas Witness, with a severe Branch Warren fetish, and a deep insight to the dark and sundry world of the MOG-subculture.... I didnt think GETBIG could be any stranger... :D
-
An Epic cosmic thread started by a homosexual Jehovas Witness, with a severe Branch Warren fetish, and a deep insight to the dark and sundry world of the MOG-subculture.... I didnt think GETBIG could be any stranger... :D
is jewhit really a jahovo witness?
-
is jewhit really a jahovo witness?
Yes!
-
Amazing update! Why do all aliens have to have Brit accents?
-
V
You awaken sitting in something like a dentist's chair. Trying to move, you realize you are still subdued. Another creature is now standing before you. He looks different than the others. He is obviously in charge. He looks like some kind of lizard or reptile: long, narrow green face and creepy eyes. He is wearing a white oxford shirt with blue pinstripes, a blue and gray regimented tie, pleated navy blue dress pants, and wing tipped shoes. You look at his green, scaly hands and see that they are webbed. His mouth doesn't move but you hear his voice! "Don't worry, I am transmitting messages to you in Earth English, and you are receiving them. You may think back in response," he begins in a British accent.
"Okay", you respond.
"We are in the midst of a war with the Maginis. My group has been commissioned with the task of gathering superior DNA so that we may create Super Aliens capable of mass destruction and, more importantly, able to withstand extreme punishment, including atomic radiation," the Reptilian continues, "Our search led us to one Mr. Branch Warren of the planet Earth. As fate has it, you have come along for the ride. Have no fear, you will not be harmed. We merely need Mr. Warren to mate with a selection of our female breed, and the two of you will be returned to the abduction site. At the current moment, your friend Mr. Warren has been put out to stud in one of the spacecraft's labs."
"Oh," you reply.
"Incidentally, we took a sample of your semen and, unfortunately, found your sperm to be quite lacking. May we advise you to refrain from having children? No matter. We have we want: A new generation of Branch Warren/Alien Hybrids. A generation of a New Cosmic Race which will rule the Universe!"
"What about Jehovah?", you ask.
The Reptile Commander smirks "Finally, after all eternity, we shall supplant Jehovah...And then...it is all ours! Space will belong to us!!"
too much explanation, not enough action
-
VI
The Reptilian Commander pushes a button and a wall rises, revealing behind a glass wall, a small arena. "Now that your friend Branch has completed the mating process with ten of our alien species, it is time for some sport," he begins. You look into the arena and see the seats are filled with Gray Aliens, like the one's who initially captured Branch and yourself. An enormous creature emerges from beneath the seats and saunters to the center of the arena. The creature is about seven feet tall, with the torso of a Mr. Olympia, the head of a lion, and the legs of a Gorilla. He points his finger up at a Gray in the balcony and, to the delight of the crowd, shoots a pale green lazer beam blows the Gray's head off in a violent explosion. Next, a door opens from the other side of the arena, and Branch Warren steps forward wearing a deep purple Karate uniform, which hugs every bulge of muscle in Branch's iron forged physique. The belt is black. Branch strides forward evenly. "I didn't know Branch knew Karate," you observe. "He doesn't," says The Commander, "But to make this tournament interesting, we have programmed his central nervous system with Tenth Degree Black Belt level capabilities. Branch's newly acquired skills should last for about ninety nanometres, or seventy five earth minutes." In the arena, the Lion Monster assumes a combat stance. Branch measures the Monster up and down with the steely eyes of a master martial artist.
"You may recognize that morbid creature from The Book Of Revelations," says the Commander. "His Destiny includes a visit to Earth, but not quite yet." The Monster throws a mighty right at Branch, who blocks it with a chop of his left hand. Branch then leg sweeps the Monster, who goes down with a crash! Back on his feet in a flash, the Lionheaded Beast emits a mighty roar and drives his gorilla leg into Branch's midsection. Branch is down. The Monster bends over and grabs Branch, and in a fluid movement power presses the Mr. O Runner Up overhead. He tosses Branch like a rag doll, and the bodybuilder lands flat on his back!
-
VI
The Reptilian Commander pushes a button and a wall rises, revealing behind a glass wall, a small arena. "Now that your friend Branch has completed the mating process with ten of our alien species, it is time for some sport," he begins. You look into the arena and see the seats are filled with Gray Aliens, like the one's who initially captured Branch and yourself. An enormous creature emerges from beneath the seats and saunters to the center of the arena. The creature is about seven feet tall, with the torso of a Mr. Olympia, the head of a lion, and the legs of a Gorilla. He points his finger up at a Gray in the balcony and, to the delight of the crowd, shoots a pale green lazer beam blows the Gray's head off in a violent explosion. Next, a door opens from the other side of the arena, and Branch Warren steps forward wearing a deep purple Karate uniform, which hugs every bulge of muscle in Branch's iron forged physique. The belt is black. Branch strides forward evenly. "I didn't know Branch knew Karate," you observe. "He doesn't," says The Commander, "But to make this tournament interesting, we have programmed his central nervous system with Tenth Degree Black Belt level capabilities. Branch's newly acquired skills should last for about ninety nanometres, or seventy five earth minutes." In the arena, the Lion Monster assumes a combat stance. Branch measures the Monster up and down with the steely eyes of a master martial artist.
"You may recognize that morbid creature from The Book Of Revelations," says the Commander. "His Destiny includes a visit to Earth, but not quite yet." The Monster throws a mighty right at Branch, who blocks it with a chop of his left hand. Branch then leg sweeps the Monster, who goes down with a crash! Back on his feet in a flash, the Lionheaded Beast emits a mighty roar and drives his gorilla leg into Branch's midsection. Branch is down. The Monster bends over and grabs Branch, and in a fluid movement power presses the Mr. O Runner Up overhead. He tosses Branch like a rag doll, and the bodybuilder lands flat on his back!
too much action, not enough explanation
-
LOL!!!! Keep em coming. I love this shit.
-
This should be sticky defenitely!
I wonder if Branch read all of these. If he didnt its a huge loss for him.
Simply great.
-
Eternal thread... 8)
-
I love it. It's like a Flash Gordon serial!
-
VII
Sitting ingloriously on his arse, Branch looks up at the monster and shakes his shaven, muscular head. He slowly stands up, maintaining penetrating eye contact with the Beast. Branch wipes of spec of blood off the corner of his mouth, and once again engages the monster. He performs a lightning fast spinning back kick to the creatures mighty chest, knocking him backward. Branch spins the other way and lands a backfist on the Lionhead's jaw. Branch follows this up with a barrage of devastating Karate punches into the monster's face, solar plexus, and abdomen. Branch jumps high into the air nails him in the head with a spinning roundhouse kick. The Lion-Monster staggers backwards, losing his bearings. Wait! A Gray in the audience throws a folding chair to the monster! Wielding the chair, he charges at Branch. Branch goes straight down into a full split, and drives a thrust punch into monster's balls. The monster freezes, eyes rolling into the back of his head. Blood spills down the Lionface, and collapses. Branch stands tall over his defeated foe, who lies prostrate at the feet of the insanely muscled victor.
-
What next??
-
Branch just destroyed a monster from Revelations! Gee willikers! With what feats will he amaze us with next?
-
VII
Sitting ingloriously on his arse, Branch looks up at the monster and shakes his shaven, muscular head. He slowly stands up, maintaining penetrating eye contact with the Beast. Branch wipes of spec of blood off the corner of his mouth, and once again engages the monster. He performs a lightning fast spinning back kick to the creatures mighty chest, knocking him backward. Branch spins the other way and lands a backfist on the Lionhead's jaw. Branch follows this up with a barrage of devastating Karate punches into the monster's face, solar plexus, and abdomen. Branch jumps high into the air nails him in the head with a spinning roundhouse kick. The Lion-Monster staggers backwards, losing his bearings. Wait! A Gray in the audience throws a folding chair to the monster! Wielding the chair, he charges at Branch. Branch goes straight down into a full split, and drives a thrust punch into monster's balls. The monster freezes, eyes rolling into the back of his head. Blood spills down the Lionface, and collapses. Branch stands tall over his defeated foe, who lies prostrate at the feet of the insanely muscled victor.
OMG most exciting one to date!!!
-
VIII
The ground beneath Branch's feet opens up and Branch disappears! "You will be rejoined with your companion shortly," says the Reptilian Commander in his British accent. "What about the monster?", you ask. "The beast will be fine," responds the reptilian. "In our galaxy we enjoy superb health, instant healing and immortality...that is...in most cases," the commander's voice lowers, "The beast's wounds shall heal soon. I must admit, we were surprised by Monsieur Warren's sheer aggression. We will be offering him a position in our army. We would like him to become one of us..."
-
I am proud to be the first to set eyes on this latest entry. But why do the aliens have Brit accents, yet use French vocabulary? The mystery deepens...
-
The Next Installment Of The Lost Episode Is Coming Soon
-
Only kiwiol, special ed or Blockhead have the ability to do this, take your pick people.
-
post more this is great.
-
The Next Installment Of The Lost Episode Is Coming Soon
Yes Sir. Don't keep us waiting too long. 8)
-
I bet Debussey DF stirated glutes will make an appearance in this episode.
Hey BigDicked do you have Debussey's workout he posted? that was brutal man.
-
VIII
The ground beneath Branch's feet opens up and Branch disappears! "You will be rejoined with your companion shortly," says the Reptilian Commander in his British accent. "What about the monster?", you ask. "The beast will be fine," responds the reptilian. "In our galaxy we enjoy superb health, instant healing and immortality...that is...in most cases," the commander's voice lowers, "The beast's wounds shall heal soon. I must admit, we were surprised by Monsieur Warren's sheer aggression. We will be offering him a position in our army. We would like him to become one of us..."
Part IX
You are ushered into an office. Loaded with mahogany and leather upholstery, this stately office brings to mind that of a high priced attorney,or a CEO. Not very intergalactic, you think. Branch is already seated in front of the desk, and you are motioned to the empty chair next to him. You continue to survey the office; impressive library, huge aquarium with exotic fish, fine paintings on the wall. The Reptilian Commander enters the room, this time dressed in a dark blue suit, white starched collar, red power tie. Sitting behind the massive desk, he begins in his British accent: "Branch, you're fight with the beast was most impressive. Your skills are extraordinary...although, you, were of course, temporarily programmed with these skills." the Reptilian snaps webbed fingers and an Alien Gray comes enters from a side door carrying a tray with a bottle and some glasses. He gingerly sets the glasses down on the desk and pours the spirits into the glasses. Studying the drinks, the Reptilian continues, "The finest Scotch in the Galaxy..." he motions for Branch and yourself to help yourselves. "Branch," he continues, "We have need for a Humanoid like yourself in our organization. We are intent upon ruling the Universe, for all Eternity, and would like to invite you aboard."
-
Part IX
You are ushered into an office. Loaded with mahogany and leather upholstery, this stately office brings to mind that of a high priced attorney,or a CEO. Not very intergalactic, you think. Branch is already seated in front of the desk, and you are motioned to the empty chair next to him. You continue to survey the office; impressive library, huge aquarium with exotic fish, fine paintings on the wall. The Reptilian Commander enters the room, this time dressed in a dark blue suit, white starched collar, red power tie. Sitting behind the massive desk, he begins in his British accent: "Branch, you're fight with the beast was most impressive. Your skills are extraordinary...although, you, were of course, temporarily programmed with these skills." the Reptilian snaps webbed fingers and an Alien Gray comes enters from a side door carrying a tray with a bottle and some glasses. He gingerly sets the glasses down on the desk and pours the spirits into the glasses. Studying the drinks, the Reptilian continues, "The finest Scotch in the Galaxy..." he motions for Branch and yourself to help yourselves. "Branch," he continues, "We have need for a Humanoid like yourself in our organization. We are intent upon ruling the Universe, for all Eternity, and would like to invite you aboard."
"The finest scotch in the galaxy"....lol
-
One of th emost talented word-smiths on the internet right here....just brilliant.
i love how he always takes it right to the edge of our inadequate narrator breaking down in a rage of supressed homoerotic emotion.....but pulls back, and dows not allow it to ever get truely gay
on a side-note, anyone know how JEWHIT go tTO'ed in the first place.....all he ever really did was these threds?
thank god, "JURUTH" appeared in timely manner to pick up the slack on the branch waren serial
-
One of th emost talented word-smiths on the internet right here....just brilliant.
i love how he always takes it right to the edge of our inadequate narrator breaking down in a rage of supressed homoerotic emotion.....but pulls back, and dows not allow it to ever get truely gay
on a side-note, anyone know how JEWHIT go tTO'ed in the first place.....all he ever really did was these threds?
thank god, "JURUTH" appeared in timely manner to pick up the slack on the branch waren serial
JURUTH = JEWHIT
-
JURUTH = JEWHIT
captian obvious :D :D
-
Magnificent
-
captian obvious :D :D
Your weak attempt at sarcasm threw me off.
-
do a bob chick at the mirage hotel sequence
-
do a bob chick at the mirage hotel sequence
http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=299901.0 (http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=299901.0)
-
http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=299901.0 (http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?topic=299901.0)
jewhit/juruth = the single greatest wordsmith ever to establish a account on a message board
-
jewhit/juruth = the single greatest wordsmith ever to establish a account on a message board
He really is good at writing. Kiwiol too, I believe.
-
Part X
"What's in it for me?", Branch asks. The Reptilian Commander places his left elbow on the expansive mahogany desk before him and leans forward. "You will have eternal life, Branch," states the Reptilian, "That alone should be enough for you to 'sign the dotted line", as you earthlings so crudely put it. But there's more. I will make you an officer in The Imperial Strike Force. You will live in the lap of luxury. You will enjoy all the pleasures the galaxy has to offer. And, of course, you will be breeding with the most exotic female specimens of our strain. This cross pollination is vital to us. You're our man Branch. What do you say?" A master negotiator, the Reptilian Commander leans back in his massive chair, awaiting Branch's response.
-
Fuck yeah ! That's the shit I'm talking about !
Gimme the Branch Homoerotic Saga ( Deluxe Galactic Edition bien sieur )
-
Great work... wonder how husky Branch will react
-
Part X
"What's in it for me?", Branch asks. The Reptilian Commander places his left elbow on the expansive mahogany desk before him and leans forward. "You will have eternal life, Branch," states the Reptilian, "That alone should be enough for you to 'sign the dotted line", as you earthlings so crudely put it. But there's more. I will make you an officer in The Imperial Strike Force. You will live in the lap of luxury. You will enjoy all the pleasures the galaxy has to offer. And, of course, you will be breeding with the most exotic female specimens of our strain. This cross pollination is vital to us. You're our man Branch. What do you say?" A master negotiator, the Reptilian Commander leans back in his massive chair, awaiting Branch's response.
Surely a nice description of these exotic female specimens is required.
-
Great work... wonder how husky Branch will react
impregnate all these galactic whores with the finest DNA strands the hu man race has to offer
-
"rabbit hunting".....how manly ::)
-
Great! I've been waiting for this...I like this and lil peppers...lol
-
Surely a nice description of these exotic female specimens is required.
how great would be if someone took the initiative to illustrate this story.......
-
branch will fuck this guy up
-
how great would be if someone took the initiative to illustrate this story.......
Where is sexual mustard? ;D
-
Part XI
The Reptilian Commander awaits Branch's response. Their eyes are locked , each anticipating what comes next. You sense a discreet movement coming from Branch's hands, which are hidden beneath the Reptilian's desk. You sneak a look, and you see a clear blue syringe in Branch's hand. While staring into the Reptilian's eyes, Branch secretly sticks the needle into the back of his leg, behind his knee. The veins in Branch's neck begin to bulge. "I'll tell you what," Branch begins, "I'll take a baseball game, a hot dog, and a good old fashioned lap dance any day of the week. I'll stick with Planet Earth, thank you very much." Enraged, the Reptilian shoots up on to his feet "You bastard!" he shouts in his British accent. Just then a door opens and several burly Reptilian stormtroopers in smart black uniforms burst in. But Branch is on his feet, throwing Tae Kwon Do kicks. One of the stormtroopers goes for the laser gun at his side, but Branch kicks it out of his hand, and launches a spin kick to the aliens head. Another goes for a light saber, but again, Branch is there first with a smashing kick to the chest, projecting the alien backwards. Another pulls out a set of Cosmic Nunchuks...Branch goes into a combat stance and watches his adversary like a hawk. The stormtrooper makes his move and tries to take off Branch's head with the weapon, but Branch ducks and throws a thrust punch into his solar plexus, followed up with a kick to the balls that could double over King Kong! The room is now cleared out, and the Reptilian Commander has disappeared through a secret panel behind his desk. "What was in the needle?" you ask Branch. "You remember when they shot me up with that Black Belt juice to fight the monster? When they weren't looking I snagged one of the needles and hid it between my glutes. Now let's go see about turning this rig around and flying back to Earth!"
-
:D
I swear to God I am laughing in tears
Branch HAS to read this somehow
U made my day juruth hahahahahahaha
"cosmic nunchakus " :D :D :D
BRANCH APROVED
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3455/3353977419_60bb1d57fc.jpg)
-
lmao!!!!!!!! WTF are cosmic knunchakus! hid it between his glutes! ;D
Great fucking work. I can only imagine what branch would thing if he read this shit! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
lmao!!!!!!!! WTF are cosmic knunchakus! hid it between his glutes! ;D
Great fucking work. I can only imagine what branch would thing if he read this shit! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
you know you hit legendary worship status when you are immortalized in a homoerotic sci fi novel ;D
-
Hahahahaa - Branch won't recover.
Pretty sure he reads getbig and these stories are read to him by his wife while he cries himself to sleep.
-
Part XII: Too Explosive For Getbig?
-
Part XII: Too Explosive For Getbig?
no such thing
getbig has a hidden degree of repressed homosexual tendencies that would rival an IFBB official
-
Part XII: Too Explosive For Getbig?
Pen the tale damn you!!!
-
Part XII: Too Explosive For Getbig?
Nothing is too explosive for getbig...On with the story! 8)
-
Part XII
Branch stands over one of the aliens as it writhes in pain and confusion on the floor. Branch grasps the collar of the cosmic geek's uniform and, with one hand, pulls it up and onto it's feet. Branch pulls the laser pistol out of the gray's holster and sticks it into the unhappy alien's mouth. "Now suck on this bitch," says Branch, "You're gonna take me to the control room or I'm gonna blow the head off your fuckin' shoulders." Branch pulls the gun out of the freak's mouth and places it against the alien's temple, and begins to march it through the doorway and into the corridor. You trail behind the bodybuilder as the alien guide leads the way towards the control room, gun to his head. "Branch," a female voice with a Russian accent calls out, "vill you take me vith you back to ze earth?" You look over and see a voluptuous woman alien calling over to Branch. She is all tits and ass, with blond hair, light blue skin, dressed in an expensive red evening gown. In her hand is a cigarette in a long black holder. "Sorry, baby. I'm married," replies Branch. "Did I not mean anything to you, Branch?" she asks, eyes swelling with tears. "You needed servicing, sweetheart, and I did the job. Nothing more nothing less. Now I've got to go. Good luck, babe, " says Branch. Sobbing now, she cries out "Damn you Earthling! You brought me to a climax I'll never have again if I search the darkest corners of the Galaxy, and now you vant to just throw me avay!" Branch ignores the hysterical bitch and keeps marching the captive alien towards the control room. All of a sudden...you scream Look out Branch!...
-
epic!!
-
Something a little off with Juruth's stories vs. Jewhitt's. Something about the writing style and all of a sudden more swearing and not as intelligent. Still good shit though.
-
Something a little off with Juruth's stories vs. Jewhitt's. Something about the writing style and all of a sudden more swearing and not as intelligent. Still good shit though.
if your insinuating that "juruth" is not "jewhit" but rather an impostor, i wholeheartedly disagree.
there is a certain rhetorical cadence and nuance to his writing style that would rather difficult to replicate.
maybe he is just taking this sequence in a different, or maybe this particular story simply does not appeal to you.
even Hemingway wrote a few clunkers (not that is would ever insinuate that this is a clunker)
long live jewhit............long live juruth...........greates t poster on getbig :D :D
-
Damn you, juruth! Finish this serial!
-
Something a little off with Juruth's stories vs. Jewhitt's. Something about the writing style and all of a sudden more swearing and not as intelligent. Still good shit though.
Two different people?
-
Three with TheRedMeat account. ;)
-
same person. i knew this before he even started doing stories.
-
Three with TheRedMeat account. ;)
I wish I could write like that. Those guys are like professional authors
-
Poem For The Retpilian Commander
O, distinguished space master,
At the speed of light,
You blaze trails of imperialism
Through the Galaxies,
Your Botany 500 Suits and your stiff upper lip,
Your lazer guns at the ready,
Taming the Universe,
Calling it your own.
(http://vigilantcitizen.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Reptilian.jpg)
-
darkest corners of the Galaxy, and now you vant to just throw me avay!" Branch ignores the hysterical bitch and keeps marching the captive alien towards the control room. All of a sudden...you scream Look out Branch!...
the space alien has bulgarian accent?..brilliant!
-
(http://lamarzulli.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/alien-priest.jpg)
-
(http://lamarzulli.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/alien-priest.jpg)
Thanks. now i'll have nightmares about being abducted by that thing.
-
(http://www.sherryshriner.org/images/beastprophets.gif)
-
(http://paranormalspy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/vatican_alien.jpg)
-
juruth
I have a text
it depicts a polish blood ritual in the church
should I risk getting banned ?
-
Part XII
Branch stands over one of the aliens as it writhes in pain and confusion on the floor. Branch grasps the collar of the cosmic geek's uniform and, with one hand, pulls it up and onto it's feet. Branch pulls the laser pistol out of the gray's holster and sticks it into the unhappy alien's mouth. "Now suck on this bitch," says Branch, "You're gonna take me to the control room or I'm gonna blow the head off your fuckin' shoulders." Branch pulls the gun out of the freak's mouth and places it against the alien's temple, and begins to march it through the doorway and into the corridor. You trail behind the bodybuilder as the alien guide leads the way towards the control room, gun to his head. "Branch," a female voice with a Russian accent calls out, "vill you take me vith you back to ze earth?" You look over and see a voluptuous woman alien calling over to Branch. She is all tits and ass, with blond hair, light blue skin, dressed in an expensive red evening gown. In her hand is a cigarette in a long black holder. "Sorry, baby. I'm married," replies Branch. "Did I not mean anything to you, Branch?" she asks, eyes swelling with tears. "You needed servicing, sweetheart, and I did the job. Nothing more nothing less. Now I've got to go. Good luck, babe, " says Branch. Sobbing now, she cries out "Damn you Earthling! You brought me to a climax I'll never have again if I search the darkest corners of the Galaxy, and now you vant to just throw me avay!" Branch ignores the hysterical bitch and keeps marching the captive alien towards the control room. All of a sudden...you scream Look out Branch!...
-
Can we get an update Reverend Juruth.
-
Part XIII
Branch snaps his head to the side and sees his jilted ex-lover aiming her cigarette holder at him. Branch swings the captive alien gray in front of his body as a shield, and the cigarette holder launches a neon-blue lazer beam. The beam nails the gray in the chest and leaves a smoking black hole in the hapless alien's now lifeless torso. Branch military presses the wasted alien over his head and hurls it into the cosmic-kunt, who lets out a shriek as the lifeless alien knocks her onto the floor. Branch grabs you by the hand and pulls you through a doorway just as the electronic door slams shut. His hand still holding yours...so strong...could it be...? Branch looks down at your enjoined hands and, with a look of disdain, drops yours like a hot potato. "I think the Control Room is this way," says Branch, turning to his right. The two of you break into a jog down a dimly lit corridor. "In there!", Branch exclaims. Branch storms into the Control Room with you bringing up the rear. A reptilian alien sits at the controls. He reaches for his lazer gun, but Branch is hotter then a summer night in Hell, and is all over the alien like a cheap suit, grabbing his gun-hand before he can take aim. Branch easily snaps his wrist then puts the intergalactic thug into a headlock and squeezes his head until his body goes limp in a doomed final moment. Branch tosses the corpse to the side and takes control of the Mothership...
-
more juruth, more!
-
Part XIII
Branch snaps his head to the side and sees his jilted ex-lover aiming her cigarette holder at him. Branch swings the captive alien gray in front of his body as a shield, and the cigarette holder launches a neon-blue lazer beam. The beam nails the gray in the chest and leaves a smoking black hole in the hapless alien's now lifeless torso. Branch military presses the wasted alien over his head and hurls it into the cosmic-kunt, who lets out a shriek as the lifeless alien knocks her onto the floor. Branch grabs you by the hand and pulls you through a doorway just as the electronic door slams shut. His hand still holding yours...so strong...could it be...? Branch looks down at your enjoined hands and, with a look of disdain, drops yours like a hot potato. "I think the Control Room is this way," says Branch, turning to his right. The two of you break into a jog down a dimly lit corridor. "In there!", Branch exclaims. Branch storms into the Control Room with you bringing up the rear. A reptilian alien sits at the controls. He reaches for his lazer gun, but Branch is hotter then a summer night in Hell, and is all over the alien like a cheap suit, grabbing his gun-hand before he can take aim. Branch easily snaps his wrist then puts the intergalactic thug into a headlock and squeezes his head until his body goes limp in a doomed final moment. Branch tosses the corpse to the side and takes control of the Mothership...
Excellent, excellent...
-
Part XIII
Branch snaps his head to the side and sees his jilted ex-lover aiming her cigarette holder at him. Branch swings the captive alien gray in front of his body as a shield, and the cigarette holder launches a neon-blue lazer beam. The beam nails the gray in the chest and leaves a smoking black hole in the hapless alien's now lifeless torso. Branch military presses the wasted alien over his head and hurls it into the cosmic-kunt, who lets out a shriek as the lifeless alien knocks her onto the floor. Branch grabs you by the hand and pulls you through a doorway just as the electronic door slams shut. His hand still holding yours...so strong...could it be...? Branch looks down at your enjoined hands and, with a look of disdain, drops yours like a hot potato. "I think the Control Room is this way," says Branch, turning to his right. The two of you break into a jog down a dimly lit corridor. "In there!", Branch exclaims. Branch storms into the Control Room with you bringing up the rear. A reptilian alien sits at the controls. He reaches for his lazer gun, but Branch is hotter then a summer night in Hell, and is all over the alien like a cheap suit, grabbing his gun-hand before he can take aim. Branch easily snaps his wrist then puts the intergalactic thug into a headlock and squeezes his head until his body goes limp in a doomed final moment. Branch tosses the corpse to the side and takes control of the Mothership...
Awesome :D :D :D
-
Part XIV
Seated in front of the control panel, Branch grasps a lever with a meaty paw and pulls down , meanwhile his other hand deftly pushes blinking lights and whirling gizmos. But Branch, do you know what your doing?, you muster up the courage to ask. "Relax," responds the muscular Branch, "If I can fly Uncle Cletus's crop duster, I can fly anything." Steering the UFO to the right, Branch aims the craft at the Planet Earth, and thrusts a thick, veiny finger into the Hyperspace Button. "Hold on!", shouts Branch. You grasp onto Branch's left bicep as the UFO enters hyperspace speeds. You become vaguely aware that you are moving faster than time...colors blur...your ears pop...you dig your fingers deeper into the dense fast twitch fibers of Branch's upper arm. Then CRASH! The spacecraft slams into the ground! You and Branch are thrown about the control room. Branch is up and throws open the door of the ship, letting in the sunlight. It's the planet Earth!, Branch hops out of the craft onto the ground, and you follow. The woods, the trees! It's Texas! And look! It's Branch's hound dog, barking! He's been waiting faithfully. You ask Branch what time it is. "Well I'll be damned", says Branch, looking at his Timex analog watch. "It's only about two minutes later than when those reptilian bastards snatched us." And so, you, Branch and the dog slowly head back to the house in silence.
-
Part XIV
Seated in front of the control panel, Branch grasps a lever with a meaty paw and pulls down , meanwhile his other hand deftly pushes blinking lights and whirling gizmos. But Branch, do you know what your doing?, you muster up the courage to ask. "Relax," responds the muscular Branch, "If I can fly Uncle Cletus's crop duster, I can fly anything." Steering the UFO to the right, Branch aims the craft at the Planet Earth, and thrusts a thick, veiny finger into the Hyperspace Button. "Hold on!", shouts Branch. You grasp onto Branch's left bicep as the UFO enters hyperspace speeds. You become vaguely aware that you are moving faster than time...colors blur...your ears pop...you dig your fingers deeper into the dense fast twitch fibers of Branch's upper arm. Then CRASH! The spacecraft slams into the ground! You and Branch are thrown about the control room. Branch is up and throws open the door of the ship, letting in the sunlight. It's the planet Earth!, Branch hops out of the craft onto the ground, and you follow. The woods, the trees! It's Texas! And look! It's Branch's hound dog, barking! He's been waiting faithfully. You ask Branch what time it is. "Well I'll be damned", says Branch, looking at his Timex analog watch. "It's only about two minutes later than when those reptilian bastards snatched us." And so, you, Branch and the dog slowly head back to the house in silence.
lmao!
-
Is this the conclusion? Excellent!
-
great work!! :D
-
Excellent, what is next in the Branch Agenda ?
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v353/dekethecreep/69314_108510729214492_100001666961188_74853_6325688_n.jpg)
jehwits Dream Come True ;D
-
Part X
Branch stood at the old stove, stirring his morning egg whites in the skillet. The aroma of percolating coffee gave a pleasant sense of hope to this new morning, while the smell of toast began joining this little symphony of down-home country cookin'. Branch stood there in his apron, muttering a little prayer to himself, thanking the Lord Jesus Christ for his big muscles. Just then, there was knock on the door. Spatula in his iron grip, Branch opened the door to find a man in a gray suit standing before him. Tall and thin with an air of officiality about himself, the man began: "Branch Warren?", the clean shaven stranger drawled in a southern accent.
"Yes?"
"My name is Mr. Jessup. And I'm here to ask you about an incident that took place in those woods behind your house a couple of years back. Branch, I'm here to ask you about the day you were abducted by a team of Aliens."
-
Part X
Branch stood at the old stove, stirring his morning egg whites in the skillet. The aroma of percolating coffee gave a pleasant sense of hope to this new morning, while the smell of toast began joining this little symphony of down-home country cookin'. Branch stood there in his apron, muttering a little prayer to himself, thanking the Lord Jesus Christ for his big muscles. Just then, there was knock on the door. Spatula in his iron grip, Branch opened the door to find a man in a gray suit standing before him. Tall and thin with an air of officiality about himself, the man began: "Branch Warren?", the clean shaven stranger drawled in a southern accent.
"Yes?"
"My name is Mr. Jessup. And I'm here to ask you about an incident that took place in those woods behind your house a couple of years back. Branch, I'm here to ask you about the day you were abducted by a team of Aliens."
Is Branch naked under the apron?
-
Is Branch naked under the apron?
Are you saying he is Scottish you know they were the kilts no underwear included.
-
Part X
Branch stood at the old stove, stirring his morning egg whites in the skillet. The aroma of percolating coffee gave a pleasant sense of hope to this new morning, while the smell of toast began joining this little symphony of down-home country cookin'. Branch stood there in his apron, muttering a little prayer to himself, thanking the Lord Jesus Christ for his big muscles. Just then, there was knock on the door. Spatula in his iron grip, Branch opened the door to find a man in a gray suit standing before him. Tall and thin with an air of officiality about himself, the man began: "Branch Warren?", the clean shaven stranger drawled in a southern accent.
"Yes?"
"My name is Mr. Jessup. And I'm here to ask you about an incident that took place in those woods behind your house a couple of years back. Branch, I'm here to ask you about the day you were abducted by a team of Aliens."
8)