When is it time to get married?

[Hustle Man]

Hustle Man, do you think that just being legally married really put "stresses" on the marriage that were not there prior?  What kind of stresses? Stella, I spoke to one of my friends that divorced shortly after their marriage (FYI 10yrs together before marriage), he told me one of the stresses was the financial burden from the wedding. Get this lol, he told me (I never knew this until now) he took out a wedding loan because her family wouldn't help pay for any of the expenses and he wanted the wedding to be special for her. Needless to say I smacked him across the back of his head lol! Yes financial debt will cause many stresses and I will go out on a limb and say I bet this was the source of many after mairriage stresses in some of the other couples marriages as well (the after marriage debt responsibilty)! It seems that this type of debt can easily turn into a "blame game" but thats just one story I will see if I can dig up more from the others and I would guess they fell into the same trap (after marriage debt).

[drkaje]

God may recognize it, ...but without that piece of paper, quite often the state does not,
...and it's the state that both determines and enforces legal rights.

True in a lot of cases but is marriage more about legal rights than love?

[Butterbean]

Stella, I spoke to one of my friends that divorced shortly after their marriage (FYI 10yrs together before marriage), he told me one of the stresses was the financial burden from the wedding. Get this lol, he told me (I never knew this until now) he took out a wedding loan because her family wouldn't help pay for any of the expenses and he wanted the wedding to be special for her. Needless to say I smacked him across the back of his head lol! Yes financial debt will cause many stresses and I will go out on a limb and say I bet this was the source of many after mairriage stresses in some of the other couples marriages as well (the after marriage debt responsibilty)! It seems that this type of debt can easily turn into a "blame game" but thats just one story I will see if I can dig up more from the others and I would guess they fell into the same trap (after marriage debt).

That is interesting!  I have some friends that always fight about money....ALWAYS!  That would be stressful. 

[The_Iron_Disciple]

You just know it is right.
There are no rules for love and that "feeling"
I had quite a few girlfriends before my wife, I even moved in with two of them.
But when ever I thought of marriage I felt a since of "DREAD"!!!!
With my wife I just knew, we had been dating for 10 days when I popped the question and she said yes 
6 Months later we where married.
We are married 13 years already now with two savages aged 12 and 10 

WOW !! That's pretty cool, man !

[Playboy]

That is interesting!  I have some friends that always fight about money....ALWAYS!  That would be stressful. 

A wise person once told me that there are two things that will destroy a marriage. Sex and money. And if either one of them is missing....goodbye marriage.

[trab]

For a Guy:

1. Only after you have really LIVED. So many marriages fail because the dude thinks pastures are greener...
2. Security. Financial, emotional, etc You cant bring someone else into yur life if its not in order in several ways. It WILL fail.
3. Mutual Trust and Respect. Hey, you gonna have to rely on that person making important decisions at the drop of a hat when you ain't there.
4. The Maturity to realise you need to compromise and meet the others needs as well as your own.
5. Kids? Hey thats a whole subject to itself if its in your plans. But all the above better be down pretty good first.

A better answer may be found in looking at why marriages fail?

[Laura Lee]

For a Guy:

1. Only after you have really LIVED. So many marriages fail because the dude thinks pastures are greener...
2. Security. Financial, emotional, etc You cant bring someone else into yur life if its not in order in several ways. It WILL fail.
3. Mutual Trust and Respect. Hey, you gonna have to rely on that person making important decisions at the drop of a hat when you ain't there.
4. The Maturity to realise you need to compromise and meet the others needs as well as your own.
5. Kids? Hey thats a whole subject to itself if its in your plans. But all the above better be down pretty good first.

A better answer may be found in looking at why marriages fail?

THAT...was a very good post trab. 

[SamoanIrishman]

For a Guy:

1. Only after you have really LIVED. So many marriages fail because the dude thinks pastures are greener...
2. Security. Financial, emotional, etc You cant bring someone else into yur life if its not in order in several ways. It WILL fail.
3. Mutual Trust and Respect. Hey, you gonna have to rely on that person making important decisions at the drop of a hat when you ain't there.
4. The Maturity to realise you need to compromise and meet the others needs as well as your own.
5. Kids? Hey thats a whole subject to itself if its in your plans. But all the above better be down pretty good first.

A better answer may be found in looking at why marriages fail?

true wisdom, trust that.

[DIVISION]

I'm curious what the opinions will be.

Let me know when you find out, Jake and.....





........have a toast on me if you're smart.   




DIV

[Rimbaud]

When you finally decide to surrender. 

[Cap]

For a Guy:

1. Only after you have really LIVED. So many marriages fail because the dude thinks pastures are greener...
2. Security. Financial, emotional, etc You cant bring someone else into yur life if its not in order in several ways. It WILL fail.
3. Mutual Trust and Respect. Hey, you gonna have to rely on that person making important decisions at the drop of a hat when you ain't there.
4. The Maturity to realise you need to compromise and meet the others needs as well as your own.
5. Kids? Hey thats a whole subject to itself if its in your plans. But all the above better be down pretty good first.

A better answer may be found in looking at why marriages fail?

Very good post.  Based on this I don't plan to get married soon, but honestly I have thought about this lately.  I'm still a young guy but with a girl I have been dating for nearly 3.5 years and everyone on her end is asking what our plans are.  I want to be established in my career and in a house before I get married.  If it were under different circumstances I would wait until I was 30 to do it but I don't know how realistic that is.  Any advice there?   

[freespirit]

Marriage is a business agreement.

[Lord Humungous]

When you laundry piles up and you sick of cooking for yourself

[Cap]

When you laundry piles up and you sick of cooking for yourself

Then you just visit mom more.  Lol.

[beatmaster]

.......... just after the prenuptial agreement........... or never

[trab]

Very good post.  Based on this I don't plan to get married soon, but honestly I have thought about this lately.  I'm still a young guy but with a girl I have been dating for nearly 3.5 years and everyone on her end is asking what our plans are.  I want to be established in my career and in a house before I get married.  If it were under different circumstances I would wait until I was 30 to do it but I don't know how realistic that is.  Any advice there?   

You dont want to lose a good girl if you got one, there aint that many good ones.

If you wouldnt cheat on her no way, and figure she's the same way then its a good bet.
Its still all hard to say. If  your still into chasing women there's on sense getting married.

Figure on her wanting kids bad by about 33yrs or so. Thats just plain sensable IMO if your planning on kids.
The body starts to unwind a little faster after that.

[Cap]

You dont want to lose a good girl if you got one, there aint that many good ones.

If you wouldnt cheat on her no way, and figure she's the same way then its a good bet.
Its still all hard to say. If  your still into chasing women there's on sense getting married.

Figure on her wanting kids bad by about 33yrs or so. Thats just plain sensable IMO if your planning on kids.
The body starts to unwind a little faster after that.

I wouldn't cheat.  Never have and hope I never will.  She's good but she wants to be done with kids by 30 which is rough.  It's rough when most women have a time frame when they want to get married.  I just don't know if I can work with her "ideal" time frame to get hitched. 

[trab]

I wouldn't cheat.  Never have and hope I never will.  She's good but she wants to be done with kids by 30 which is rough.  It's rough when most women have a time frame when they want to get married.  I just don't know if I can work with her "ideal" time frame to get hitched. 

She's younger? Time frame aint so stupid once you start tacking on the years. Trust me, the body aint like a bottle of fine wine.
Having children is a terrible toll on her body, (and some all around stress for you both. But kids are great )

Two people also need to kind of be on that same timeframe on many levels for it to work easiest.
Ive blown off relationships that would have worked, but we just were not kind of on the same schedule on many levels.  That can be painfull, but if you see a relationship is headed no-where, and both are really looking for a long term thing,,, well, life has some hurts.

Im blown away how many dudes Im seeing w/ much older women these days. Its not my idea of how to set up for a family. Just my 2 cents...

[Cap]

She's younger? Time frame aint so stupid once you start tacking on the years. Trust me, the body aint like a bottle of fine wine.
Having children is a terrible toll on her body, (and some all around stress for you both. But kids are great )

Two people also need to kind of be on that same timeframe on many levels for it to work easiest.
Ive blown off relationships that would have worked, but we just were not kind of on the same schedule on many levels.  That can be painfull, but if you see a relationship is headed no-where, and both are really looking for a long term thing,,, well, life has some hurts.

Im blown away how many dudes Im seeing w/ much older women these days. Its not my idea of how to set up for a family. Just my 2 cents...

We're the same age.  I'd like to start having kids by 30 and be married a few years before.  She has a different time frame which makes it hard.  It can work but how well I'm not sure. Time will tell.

[trab]

We're the same age.  I'd like to start having kids by 30 and be married a few years before.  She has a different time frame which makes it hard.  It can work but how well I'm not sure. Time will tell.

Good luck Cap...
"Marriage is comprimise". Thats from a old dude I knew who was married to a lovely woman 20 yrs his junior.   
(Generaly A bad idea IMO from what Ive seen in life. About 7 years younger or so is enough. Big Problems w/ them large spreads in age)

[Playboy]

I wouldn't cheat.  Never have and hope I never will.  She's good but she wants to be done with kids by 30 which is rough.  It's rough when most women have a time frame when they want to get married.  I just don't know if I can work with her "ideal" time frame to get hitched. 

Congrats to you and yours, Cap. Getting married is a huge step. Just make sure that you both have kids when you are ready. Don't just have them for the sake of. Once you have a kid/s, all your free time is DONE. You will have to devote 99% of your time to your child/children. You are both still young so get hitched, enjoy yourselves for a year or two. Go on vacations together, etc. My two pennies.

[kreator]

....let's say that a good friend that got proposed to and said yes(more in a '' Ok ''  way), latter confides to you that he/she gets goosebumps just thinking about the arrival of THE day and shows very little interest in the arrangement of the whole thing(the dress, the band etc.), eventhough he/she's been together with that person for 10 years........ how would you deal with it? What would you tell your friend?

[benz]

If you have a baby on the way, then its time to get married, if not, its time to enjoy life.

 I got married in the hippy way

[Butterbean]

....let's say that a good friend that got proposed to and said yes(more in a '' Ok ''  way), latter confides to you that he/she gets goosebumps just thinking about the arrival of THE day and shows very little interest in the arrangement of the whole thing(the dress, the band etc.), eventhough he/she's been together with that person for 10 years........ how would you deal with it? What would you tell your friend?

good goosebumps or freaked out poop-chill goosebumps?

Is the he/she a he?  If so, there should be no concern that he is not interested in the arrangement of the whole thing. 

[kreator]

good goosebumps or freaked out poop-chill goosebumps?

Is the he/she a he?  If so, there should be no concern that he is not interested in the arrangement of the whole thing. 

freaked out goosebumps Stella and it's a she.......