I'd also advise women to avoid dating an "unwed father". If he has had a kid and left the mother, he isn't probably someone you want to hook up with. If he had a kid and has custody of the child, he could be looking for a mom to takeover child-raising.
Dantelis,
While I think your intentions are good, ...the advice is somewhat flawed. I mean... look at the flip side.
One could also say, avoid dating someone who doesn't have kids because they could be looking for a womb.
Especially in this day & age, ...depending on the age bracket you date, people with kids are all over the place.
My best advice is "Avoid dating jerks!". Besides, ...you can learn so much about people by the kids they raise.
When I was younger, I always made a definite attempt to avoid dating men with children.
(You'd be surprised how many of them lie) Back in 91, I asked a guy I had just recently met if he had any kids.
his answer of course was "NO". While technically, he wasn't lying, he didn't have a child at the time, ...he'd just been informed that day that the ex turned up preggars. Fast forward 2 yrs later... we start dating. One day the entire condo is abuzz with the news that so & so was in the health club with a baby, and the baby looked suspiciously alot like him. {lol}
You know me, I don't shy away from taking the bull by the horns and confronting issues dead on.
I took the elevator down to his condo, knocked on his door, and came straight out and asked him... is he yours?
Long story short, ...it was his, and he'd just finished a lengthy court battle to get custody of his son. I fell in love with that adorable little baby. He was one of the sweetest, most affectionate, most trusting, lovable little guys you'll ever meet.
In 1996, while trying to get my sister married off to an eligible bachelor (so I could have a niece or nephew of my own {lol}), I ended meeting a fabulous single father. His story was unique. His daughter was the product of a one night stand. One night of passion changed his life forever. As soon as he was notified he was a father to be... he stepped up to the plate, and did the responsible thing. Adriano sat down with the woman he impregnated, and worked out a plan for the raising of their future offspring. As soon as the baby was born, he immediately took custody of her, so the mother could finish her education, and situate herself stably. Adriano raised that little girl and travelled with her for the first 5 years of her life, until she started school. not sure what the arrangement is these days, haven't been in touch with him in over 10 yrs., but every situation is different. He wasn't looking for a mother for his child, ...she already had one.
I think the biggest danger there is when it comes to dating someone with a child, is the danger of you falling in love with that child and vice versa. If the relationship ends... it can rip out hearts in much the same way that many people (parents & kids) experience after a divorce. I remember the 1
st. time that happened to me. I was in a 7 yr. relationship, and my boyfriend's sister-in-law got pregnant. I was there for the whole thing, ...the belly swelling, the baby being born... taking his first few steps, ...all the new baby milestones etc., ...then when the relationship with his uncle came to an end... the realization that I was not going to be there to see little Vince grow up was a very hard pill to swallow. It even factored into the length of my relationship with the uncle, 'cause if Vince hadn't been in the picture, ...I probably would have ended the relationship long before I eventually did. It's hard on the kids too. There was a water tower that's visible on the drive from Vince's home to the city I live in. Whenever his uncle came over to my house with the baby, Vince would see that water tower and knew he was going to see Za Chu (he was too young to properly pronouce Zia (Aunt in Italian) or Judi so he called me zachu or simply Chu). Well, after his uncle and I broke up in 1985 and I moved to California, there were no more visits to see me. His father Domenic owned a business in my city, and whenever Domenic took him to work with him, as soon as they passed that water tower, ...little vince's face would light up like a christmas tree, he'd get all excited and start chanting Chu! chu! chu! ...then he'd end up in tears, pitching an absolute fit when they didn't end up at my house. I was talking with my ex in 1994, and he relayed the nightmare they went through as a result. They had to completely avoid that street, and take the long way around to ensure he never saw that water tower, ...which was pretty difficult to do since it was visible for miles, and was located on the main artery to & from their home.
Life is too short and there is too much variety to limit yourself. Just use common sense and be careful about introducing yourself into a child's life or allowing a child to become attached to you if you're not going to be a permanent fixture in that child's life. Any parent of small children should also be careful of those whom they allow their child/ren to become attached to as well.
