Author Topic: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...  (Read 7229 times)

coltrane

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Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« on: April 08, 2009, 12:17:31 PM »
So long story short, my girlfriend had given me her email password awhile back to check something for her.  So, as most of us would do, i now check it every so often.  I see she still communicates with her ex of 6 years on and off. 

She tells me he just wasn't the one.  The emails are very non-suggestive of anything going on behind my back.  She never tells me about talking to him, even if i ask.  They are usually just emails about they're family members getting married and the like.  Nothing too fancy.  And never an "i miss you" or an ending with "love, ____"

All in all she has been a great girl and i've been given zero reason to NOT trust her.

Should i be upset she doesn't tell me about these?  Or is it kinda normal?


Butterbean

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2009, 12:27:37 PM »
How long have you dated?

Sounds like it's such a benign relationship (between her and the ex) that I wouldn't worry about it.  Does she tell you when she emails w/her mom or other friends?

Unless she is very spacey, she likely remembers giving you her password and knows you could use it at any time and has not changed it.  I don't think I'd be worried.
R

tonymctones

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2009, 12:31:10 PM »
first off you shouldnt be checking her email...LOL insecurity only leads bad shit my friend...I pretty much agree with stella it doesnt sound like she is messing around or even like she wants to, it is odd however that she doesnt tell you about it even when asked.

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2009, 12:32:06 PM »
We've been dating roughly a year..  she thinks we were supposed to meet and be together..  

I think she doesn't tell me about the emails bc they are really innocent and doesn't want me to think anything differently.  Do you girls do the same, i.e. email and ex occasionally and not tell the husband or bf?

powerpack

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2009, 12:49:43 PM »
We've been dating roughly a year..  she thinks we were supposed to meet and be together..  

I think she doesn't tell me about the emails bc they are really innocent and doesn't want me to think anything differently.  Do you girls do the same, i.e. email and ex occasionally and not tell the husband or bf?
Oh yes woman check when they can.
No matter how paranoid a man is woman are twice as bad.
It is almost like a disease for many of them

drkaje

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2009, 12:51:44 PM »
The stuff about 'relatives' could be code for bangin'*. :)

*Note: I know how much you love that word, Estella.

The BEAST

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2009, 12:56:00 PM »
I think you are in the wrong for checking her email, if I were her I wouldn't like that even if I had nothing to hide.  It would make me feel as though you didn't trust me...would you like the reverse? 

I am still good friends with one of my ex's and we email or chat occasionally on the phone.  If he were to visit I would "ask" my boyfriend if he had any problems with me seeing him, or I would invite him with.  An email or phone call to me from him would be like getting a call from my brother, not that important and defnitely not something to be worried about.
Jennifer

drkaje

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2009, 01:03:10 PM »
I think you are in the wrong for checking her email, if I were her I wouldn't like that even if I had nothing to hide.  It would make me feel as though you didn't trust me...would you like the reverse? 

I am still good friends with one of my ex's and we email or chat occasionally on the phone.  If he were to visit I would "ask" my boyfriend if he had any problems with me seeing him, or I would invite him with.  An email or phone call to me from him would be like getting a call from my brother, not that important and defnitely not something to be worried about.


She passed up a chance to be trusted by not telling him in the first place. At this point she's probably testing him and knows the e-mails are being checked.

Personally, I'd stop checking the e-mails and ask her one more time. If she lies, boot to butt with no explanation.

Butterbean

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2009, 01:10:19 PM »
it is odd however that she doesnt tell you about it even when asked.

Oops I missed that part.   

coltrane, does she lie about it?
R

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2009, 01:12:23 PM »
Oops I missed that part.   

coltrane, does she lie about it?

I'll ask if you've heard from your ex.. and she'll say no.  I know she doesn't like him sexually anymore or see herself with him..  but why wouldn't she tell me?  It's gotta be bc she is afraid of my reaction...

great posts so far guys!  Thanks!

Butterbean

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2009, 01:13:58 PM »
I'll ask if you've heard from your ex.. and she'll say no.  I know she doesn't like him sexually anymore or see herself with him..  but why wouldn't she tell me?  It's gotta be bc she is afraid of my reaction...

great posts so far guys!  Thanks!

Could she be thinking of another ex in her mind when you ask her?  One she hasn't heard from?  Or do you ask about him by name?

R

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2009, 01:16:25 PM »
no, it's by name.. 

i feel like she's afraid to tell me they still occasionally email bc she will think i will think there are still feelings...    but if she'd just tell me, i feel like she'd gain that much more trust..

Butterbean

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2009, 01:20:37 PM »


i feel like she's afraid to tell me they still occasionally email bc she will think i will think there are still feelings...   

This sounds like a possibility...and maybe she feels it will become a big hassle when there is simply nothing to it.

I think I'd not worry about it and quit asking her about him.
R

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2009, 01:22:39 PM »
Thanks.. 

i know i shouldn't be looking at emails either..  i'm gonna stop that also

drkaje

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2009, 01:27:49 PM »
I still say boot her.

SamoanIrishman

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #15 on: April 08, 2009, 03:33:19 PM »
I think you are in the wrong for checking her email, if I were her I wouldn't like that even if I had nothing to hide.  It would make me feel as though you didn't trust me...would you like the reverse? 

I am still good friends with one of my ex's and we email or chat occasionally on the phone.  If he were to visit I would "ask" my boyfriend if he had any problems with me seeing him, or I would invite him with.  An email or phone call to me from him would be like getting a call from my brother, not that important and defnitely not something to be worried about.


Agreed.

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #16 on: April 08, 2009, 09:25:04 PM »
maybe she is thinking you are asking if they are actually talking when an email can seem so inconsequential...

or it could be like you said, she doesn't want to bring something up that may cause a fight or insecurities when there is nothing there to worry about. 
Jennifer

Geo

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #17 on: April 08, 2009, 09:44:27 PM »
So long story short, my girlfriend had given me her email password awhile back to check something for her.  So, as most of us would do, i now check it every so often. 


when you're comfortable enough in your own skin you won't need to do that kind of crap regardless if she gave you the password or not....

24KT

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #18 on: April 08, 2009, 09:58:10 PM »
Coltrane,

I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are for checking her eMail.

As far as trust issues go... in my opinion, YOU are the one who has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
Lose the password before you lose your girlfriend. Just my 2 cents worth from a woman's POV.
w

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2009, 06:25:30 AM »
Coltrane,

I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are for checking her eMail.

As far as trust issues go... in my opinion, YOU are the one who has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
Lose the password before you lose your girlfriend. Just my 2 cents worth from a woman's POV.

I see your point jag...  i know i shouldn't check it, but isn't it kinda human nature to wanna trust someone... and if the means of proving it to yourself manifests itself (ability to check email) wouldn't one wanna do so?

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2009, 06:26:16 AM »
when you're comfortable enough in your own skin you won't need to do that kind of crap regardless if she gave you the password or not....

I agree with you Geo to a point.. just seems like curiousity is part of human nature..

drkaje

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #21 on: April 09, 2009, 07:31:18 AM »
I see your point jag...  i know i shouldn't check it, but isn't it kinda human nature to wanna trust someone... and if the means of proving it to yourself manifests itself (ability to check email) wouldn't one wanna do so?


Judi is wrong.

Save yourself some hassle and boot this chick.

You were wrong for checking her e-mail as she was for lying about contact with an ex. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I'll give her the benefit of doubt and say the obligatory "there's probably nothing going on and she didn't want you to make a big deal over nothing". Even put in the best light possible it comes down to the fact that if she'll lie about this, there are other things she'll lie about too.

My GF has the password to e-mail, credit cards, computer, etc... because there's nothing to hide but I also don't lie about crap.

You're probably young and won't listen but some day hindsight will clearly show she should have been booted.

24KT

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2009, 12:16:51 PM »
I see your point jag...  i know i shouldn't check it, but isn't it kinda human nature to wanna trust someone... and if the means of proving it to yourself manifests itself (ability to check email) wouldn't one wanna do so?


It is human nature to want to trust someone, ...but checking her eMail is not trust.
It demonstrates a definite lack of trust, ... and if you require proof to trust her, ...then there is no trust.
w

Migs

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2009, 12:33:48 PM »
It is human nature to want to trust someone, ...but checking her eMail is not trust.
It demonstrates a definite lack of trust, ... and if you require proof to trust her, ...then there is no trust.

pretty true

coltrane

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Re: Lady's opinion of an ex boyfriend...
« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2009, 12:35:10 PM »
It is human nature to want to trust someone, ...but checking her eMail is not trust.
It demonstrates a definite lack of trust, ... and if you require proof to trust her, ...then there is no trust.


Again today the were emails back and forth... all petty.  When i asked about if she's heard from him, she bold face lies to me. 
I know there isn't anything sexual going on still as i know she finds him repulsive.  But why not tell me?  I tell her when my ex's communicate?!