Here's a more realistic story that happened to me:
i just got home from college (lived in a small town, no vagina around for hours)
the girl from the "big city" (about 30 minutes of driving through corn) was talking to me on aol instant messenger (yes, this was a few years ago). so i'm sitting there drinking in my parents basement by myself (i graduated in december, no one was home yet).
So, she tells me she's 30 (i'm 21, this is great) and she's a waitress at a popular bar, but she's off tonight and she's drinking by herself.
So, a few minutes of talking pass by, she asks me for a picture, then sends me one. It's a miniskirt shot of her legs only. She says "guys like you aren't interested in the rest". Legs look decent. Anyways, a few minutes later, she tells me she's home alone (she lives with her old man; apparently he lives upstairs and she has the downstairs part of the house) and asks me to come over. Being a little buzzed and horny, I agree.
So I drive over there. Since it was cold out, i brought a couple beers with to keep me warm. 45 minutes later (got lost a few times), i'm pretty drunk and at her doorstep.
I knock on the door and she answers. Here's a brief description of her:
about 5'11", 220 lbs, mullet like hair that hasn't been washed for a few days, flannel shirt, tight stone washed jeans, gut, and yes...a moustache. Big tits though I guess, kinda like Bob from Fight Club.
I immediately try to think of excuses to leave. She talks to me for 30 seconds, and lures me in with a beer and a cigarette (I smoked my last few driving).
So 5, 6 beers later, she sits in my lap and starts talking to me. I'm not really listening, just drinking, A LOT. I must've had 20 beers by now in the last 2 hours. She goes "what do you think of my legs?" And I go "well, you got 2 of them". Silence. It's obvious at this point the leg photo was not hers.
She goes "I feel kinda filthy, I'm gonna take a shower. (thank god, that hair was turning into a helmet) Do you want to watch me shower?"
I grab 2 beers, put one each in my pocket and say "sure, fuck it".
She gets naked. She's pasty as shit, with a pretty decent amount of stretch marks around her inner thigh (how do those happen?) Her pussy looks like it's a member of Funkadelic (huge fro).
She's showering, i'm sitting on the toilet drinking. She says "hey, do you like a shaved pussy? I bet you do." I'm thinking "yeah on an 18 year old half your size", but i say "of course". She goes "i'm gonna shave my pussy for you, and i want you to watch".
I go over to the living room, take a cigarette, pocket the rest of her pack, and grab 2 more beers. Now, if you've never seen a fat chick shave her pussy, it's probably the most disgusting thing you can see on the planet. She's sitting there, shaving, masturbating with the shower head. I'm more and more disgusted and more and more drunk.
She finally finishes, puts on some dirty robe, and says "i'm gonna wrap my hair in a towel, it's too long so i can't blow dry it." Obviously a sad attempt at trying to look sexy.
So at this point i'm burping up beer, and some of it's coming out my nose. She goes "let me see your dick". So instinctively, I whip it out. She starts sucking on it. It gets hard after a while. To shorten this up, I'm fucking her. Imagine fucking a soggy bag of flour, that's what it felt like. I came on her fat tits (i used a condom). She's like "let's cuddle". I'm like "I have to go to work in the morning". She starts crying and goes "but you're so nice, stay with me" I go, "I'll call you tomorrow, I really have to go".
I get back in the pickup, drive outside of town, pull over and puke my fucking guts out. Not from the drinking, but I just got a mental image of fucking her, moustache and all. I drive home, take one of those "i just got raped" showers, and literally start to cry. I'm drunk, got puke on me, and I'm crying.
I didn't wake up til noon the next day. I was still pissed. I go online to check my mail, and there she is. "Hey, can you still walk after last night? I rode you like a racehorse". I just stood there, stared at the screen, called AOL and cancelled my account.
To this day, I still get a mental image of her every now and then.
P.S. The "hottest bar in town" she worked at was fucking Red Robin.
