Author Topic: Humor (Read 22403 times)

IrishMuscle84 · « **Reply #25 on:** March 24, 2011, 04:47:26 PM »

Some more shitz n giggles.............

mantronik · « **Reply #26 on:** March 27, 2011, 06:38:57 AM »

This guy was sitting in his attorney's office. His lawyer says: "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first," he says.
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars," his lawyer informs him.
"That's the bad news?" asks the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

mantronik · « **Reply #27 on:** March 27, 2011, 08:02:17 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #28 on:** June 01, 2011, 10:34:36 PM »

mantronik · « **Reply #29 on:** June 01, 2011, 10:36:33 PM »

mantronik · « **Reply #30 on:** June 01, 2011, 10:37:10 PM »

mantronik · « **Reply #31 on:** June 01, 2011, 10:38:14 PM »

obtuse_waiter · « **Reply #32 on:** June 02, 2011, 01:48:16 AM »

Quote from: mantronik on March 19, 2011, 07:23:47 AM

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

The Doctor asks: "What happened?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"

The Doctor says: "The tea does bugger all, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick"

epik

mantronik · « **Reply #33 on:** June 02, 2011, 12:27:24 PM »

mantronik · « **Reply #34 on:** July 15, 2011, 08:54:40 PM »

mantronik · « **Reply #35 on:** July 15, 2011, 09:01:45 PM »

mantronik · « **Reply #36 on:** July 22, 2011, 09:54:24 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/user/failplanet

mantronik · « **Reply #37 on:** September 14, 2011, 06:31:30 PM »

"I've got some good news and some bad news," the doctor says.
"What's the bad news?" asks the patient.
"The bad news is that you've only got three months to live," the doctor says.
The patient is taken aback. "What's the good news then, Doctor?"
The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk. "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?"
The patient nods his head.
The doctor replies: "I'm screwing her!"

mantronik · « **Reply #38 on:** September 14, 2011, 06:33:28 PM »

Mike and Dan had just finished the first nine holes in their round of golf, and it was obvious that Mike was having an awful day.
"Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today. What's the matter?" asked Dan.
Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Connie's dead."
"My God! That's terrible," said Dan, "but you said you only think your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?"
"Well, I just don't know," responded Mike, "the sex is still the same, but the dishes are starting to pile up."

mantronik · « **Reply #39 on:** September 14, 2011, 06:40:58 PM »

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."

mantronik · « **Reply #40 on:** September 14, 2011, 06:42:01 PM »

Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his willy with a toothbrush and toothpaste. "What the hell do you think you're doing, young man?!" she exclaimed. "Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."

mantronik · « **Reply #41 on:** September 14, 2011, 06:43:12 PM »

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan!
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for 10 more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that wall!"

mantronik · « **Reply #42 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:13:59 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #43 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:15:25 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #44 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:16:43 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #45 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:17:23 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #46 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:18:15 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #47 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:19:19 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #48 on:** March 07, 2012, 11:20:26 AM »

mantronik · « **Reply #49 on:** April 08, 2012, 05:06:41 AM »