Willie, I will tell you about a wonderful girl I dated before I got married.
Most that know this girl seriously questioned my sanity for breaking up with her.
On paper, whe was everything a guy could want: Pretty (had modeled and done some commercial work), came from a very wealthy family, was educated, worldly--well traveled, liked fine cuisine, strong sense of family.
BUT!!!! What nobody knew is that this girl hated herself. She had severe abandonment issues (let me preface this by saying that the women in her family outnumbered the men easily 3:1. Her father was a great guy and an engineer for an international company. Well, he caught the mother cheating on him with more than one guy, so after trying to make it work, he realized he had to leave. He took a job across the country. My ex never forgave him for leaving, as her mother had convinced her that she should just "follow her heart", and that people should love you unconditionally. The partriarch of their family fortune was her grandfather, and he died a few years before we dated). She constantly felt like I was going to leave her.
SO!!! This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would throw monkey wrenches into what many would describe as perfect dates/days/etc. For instance, we were at a fine French restaurant having an amazing meal, drinking Taittinger Blanc de Blanc 1983, and she tells me how sick she is feeling. I'm like WTF!!!! In true GetBig fashion, I tell her that I am enjoying myself, and I am not putting up with her childish games. I will finish my meal and have dessert. Then we can go.
She would often attempt to psychologically castrate me by belittling me (what your wife is doing). I would tell her that there is no need to act like her mother. If she truly felt that way about me, we should end it. She would cry and say she didn't mean it. I would tell her that while I truly cared for her, I would not date a mental toddler. She needed to be a woman if were to be together, not a child trapped in a woman's body.
She wanted a baby. I told her that she needed to learn to take care of herself first, before I would even consider marrying her, let alone impregnating her. She had a very nice condo, and had a cleaning lady once a week. Her place looked like a monsoon had hit the interior.
When things looked like they would inevitably end, she suggested counseling. I told her that while I loved her, I didn't need counseling. I informed her that she has been in therapy since she was 12 (more than half her life), and that I was NOT the source of her ills. I literally wrote out all of the pros/cons of our relationship, and told her that while no relationship is 50/50, it has to balance somewhere close to that number in order for it to work. I told her that as of now, it is like 90/10, and that she has 3 months to show drastic change.
She did not, and I walked. Not easy to do, as our familiies are very close. Best thing I ever did. So, she went for what many would consider a much "softer" guy after me, and after she was engaged to him for over a year, he called it off. She is damaged goods.
Best of luck.
