Scared of a family tieing you down?

[SuperTed]

your priorities over life change.

Pretty much. How you think in your twenties is not necessarily going to remain the same when you’re in your forties.
My brother in law told me that when he was my age (25), he never planned to get married/kids etc and just wanted to remain a womanizing bachelor.
He's now around 40, married and committed to my sister and has three kids with her. His life is a lot busier but he's happier now than ever before.
I doubt that this kind of situation is unique either.

[visualizeperfection]

Pretty much. How you think in your twenties is not necessarily going to remain the same when you’re in your forties.
My brother in law told me that when he was my age (25), he never planned to get married/kids etc and just wanted to remain a womanizing bachelor.
He's now around 40, married and committed to my sister and has three kids with her. His life is a lot busier but he's happier now than ever before.
I doubt that this kind of situation is unique either.

would you be pissed if he fucked around on her?

or could you remove yourself from being your sisters brother and understand why he might need to?

[SuperTed]

would you be pissed if he fucked around on her?

or could you remove yourself from being your sisters brother and understand why he might need to?

It's my sister so yeah, I'd be pissed.

[visualizeperfection]

It's my sister so yeah, I'd be pissed.

I have had friends that go out looking for pussy with their brother in laws. oh brother. talk about degenerates.

Thank god I dont have a sister.

[da_vinci]

would you be pissed if he fucked around on her?

or could you remove yourself from being your sisters brother and understand why he might need to?

He already fucked his sister in many unimaginable ways.................... ........................ ..........

[SuperTed]

I have had friends that go out looking for pussy with their brother in laws. oh brother. talk about degenerates.

Thank god I dont have a sister.

Wow! That's pretty disgraceful. I'm morally opposed to people cheating on their partners. The way I see it, is you should end a serious relationship if you are unable to commit to it. Likewise, don't start a serious relationship if you know you're not capable of committing to it.

[Griffith]

Wow! That's pretty disgraceful. I'm morally opposed to people cheating on their partners. The way I see it, is you should end a serious relationship if you are unable to commit to it. Likewise, don't start a serious relationship if you know you're not capable of committing to it.

I agree.

If someone feels they have to cheat then they're already unhappy and should not be in that relationship and should end it before they do anything.

And if they already have kids, then they have a duty to their children which should take precedent over everything in their life.

[Fortress]

I have been in long-term relationships and, now being "single" for several years, don't think I particularly desire to ever be again. I mean, I do enjoy the notion of romance and having a loving, steady companion, but realistically, can't see this as being feasible.

I treasure my freedom and no-drama lifestyle too much. I come home, jam music, go to the gym and eat what and whenever I want to. I spend my money only on stuff that I want to spend money on.

I don't have to endure crappy vacations to Mexico and in-law get-togethers that are everything but a pleasure.

As well, I believe romance and desire is slowly killed when two people live together. That illusion so important to carnal attraction is eroded.

And as far as kids, well, I have never been a big fan of this world we (humans) have built, so why produce another whom I love only to have to exist within it? I have no belief in an afterlife, so where's the payoff? You struggle, suffer and then become old and ill and feel and look like shit.

And then you die.

[Natural Man]

we are animals who are programmed to reproduce.. it's not normal, it's "immature" to want to live like a teenage boy for your whole life. Even if your father who regretted everything in his life giving birth to your sorry self included told you to have as much fun as possible instead of marrying/having a family.

Society conditions us to give our best in our 20s/30s to find the best partner with the best genes so we can produce the offspring with the highest odds of survival in the environment we re living in. Good looking, good earning job, power, respect, money, best suburbs.... In our youth we have the maximum testosterone production, we defy, fight, other males for the best females, then in our 30s as natural test production decreases we re genetically engeenered to calm down and focus on transmiting the strategies of survival we inherited/acquired to our offspring.

We are all prisoners of this little game the minute we re spawned into this world. Old people know we re just animals, they have had the time to think about the whole picture and always come to the same conclusion; life is unfair, crual and absurd intrinsically, it's all about your genetics and upbringing 50/50, and before being religious, philosophers, thinkers , believers, we are... animals. It's our animal brain which generates all of these bullshit meanings we give to life, our existences. In the end it's always about killing or getting killed. Some are better trained, conditionned, engeenered bytheir caregivers to dominate the competition, others solely exist to feed the strongest. Just like in any animal or vegetal species.

[Natural Man]

Your life is over when you have kids, more and more people with kids are admitting that.

but....isnt "life" precisely about.... having kids?  

[Fortress]

we are animals who are programmed to reproduce.. it's not normal "immature" to want to live like a teenage boy for your whole life. Society conditions us to give our best in our 20s/30s to find the best partner with the best genes so we can produce the offspring with the highest odds of survival in the environment we re living in.

Each of these words cause me to shudder.

[ENZO]

This has been my life for the past 7 years or so, freedom at a prime age is different from freedom you experience you were 20 yrs old still studying or just starting your ways in life. I always said a man has to experience freedom with full maturity, providing your doing good for yourself.

But having said that I don't see myself being single all my life, and this is changing as we speak, you get tired of empty relationships, I personally have for a few years now, the excitement of having a new girl every time wears off, unless you have a sexual addiction...as a matter of fact, the best sex I ever had has always been in long term relationships...it takes a while to find the right girl compatible sexually for you and train her to your quirks i.e. whether you like your salad tossed via tongue feathering or do you want her to stick in literally....etc (the latter is just one example)

I sometimes miss having a meaningful relationship, those plastic boobed girls you nailed from last weeks club are poor companions....at least this is the case for me in London, lots of fake people and empty souls here hiding behind Louboutins and collagen lips.

The ride has been enjoyable but it's time for me to chuck the towel and let new up coming youngster to have their go.

However I am only willing to do so for the right person.

I agree that a man should experience life at the top of his game single. I think that's when I'll feel liked I've truly lived and got everything out of my system.

Right now I like the vapid club chicks, because they don't expect much from me and I don't expect shit from them outside a good fuck

Soon as they start doing things like showing me their baby pictures or texting me all day, I get uncomfortable and dead it.

[Natural Man]

I was scared of both a wife, and kids.

But, when I looked at it objectively, there's very little chance that I'd meet another woman who'd put up with my shit without grumbling too much, and be as loyal to me as my wife has been. So, it made sense to lock her up. If I were strong enough and motivated enough to go through this world alone, I would have. But I'm one of those guys who knows a supportive partner makes him better, and that on his own, he won't be as successful, rich or driven. So she makes me better, and I've always known that. But then lots of women could have done that for me. But how many of those women would do it day in and day out? Not very many. And how many wouldn't cheat on me while they did it? Even fewer? And how many of them would be free of disease, healthy, in good shape, and with a great personality? Even fewer still.

So, I kind of struck it lucky early on. I'm happy for myself for that. So when I looked at it objectively, it really made sense to marry her. I just had to shelve my feelings that I'd be tying myself down. Realistically, we lived together for 6 years before we got married, so I'd tied myself down without ever really doing it in the eyes of a church. So we just went thru with the formality of it. I pretty much married her, emotionally, years before.

Now, on to kids.

I was deathly afraid of kids. I really didn't want them. For all the reasons all of you guys have pointed out before.

Then, in one of my truly snx moments, I just threw caution to the wind, threw the wife down, did it BMC style, and sure enough, she was pregnant inside of two weeks. I don't know what came over me to make me do that. I knew what I was doing, and this part of my brain just said "hey, if you have a kid, big deal. Lots of people do it. You're not the first. People have kids all the time...people a lot stupider and less put together than you. If they can do it and not make their kids want to kill themselves, then you have a pretty good shot at this dad thing". And that was it.

I loved my life before kids. I love my life with kids now. I will say, for the record, I did NOT like the first 6 months after my first was born. With cholic, post partum depression, and a 70 hour a week job, it was a living hell. I don't care to ever repeat that part of my life. I don't think it made me better or made me stronger...it just aged me like crazy and turned me into an old man overnight.

But big deal. So I have more gray and crows feet. It's not like I'm at Ibiza with Skorp and Gal and BigMC impressing hot young ladies. I have no such delusions. From the neck down, I hold my own. From the neck up, I look like Gordon Ramsay if he went a week without sleep. I'm lucky to have what I have, am happy with it, and generally don't desire more than I have. I refuse to pine for the past...I had my time. And there's no point dreaming about tomorrow...for all I know some drunk on the road will sideswipe me and put me into the dirt.

I'll take what I have, hold onto it with both hands as tight as possible, and do whatever I can to keep the wolf away from the door.

a very long speech which could be summed the following way; i was entirely programmed by my surroundings to live the life i lived and i have no clue why but hey, that's just how it went.

If you knew the number of elderly who realized life is pointless intrinsically but lie to their families, offsprings, dont tell them the truth cause they dont want to sound cynical / boring. In fact they just give some advises here and there hoping to be treated well in return as they re getting weaker and weaker.


We are animals who constantly pretend they arent animals but in the end, we all face the truth. Life is about killing instead of being killed as long as you can, until you cant anymore.

[Henda]

Never wanted family/kids at all till it happened (unplanned).
Now i wouldnt have it any other way i love my kids and they have made my life so much better, but at the time it was the last thing i wanted.
Times change anyway and drinking with your mates and chasing whores becomes old as mates move on and have wifes/ familys, old haunts close, society changes.
Nothing stays the same forever and sometimes you have to move on.

[Natural Man]

BTW "enzo", you re not fooling anyone, this thread is just another attention whoring attempt on your part which could be summed this way; look at me I have a better life than you all suckers who settled.


Well, good for you, but you re an animal just like the rest of us and you ll die just like the rest of us after a delusional existence.  

Growing up is understanding you re an animal and unlearning all the bullshit stories you ve been spoonfed with by your caregivers who couldnt explain to you why they even gave birth to you so they invented or repeated like parrots completely retarded tales hiding the truth; we re animals reproducing blindly and automatically stuff 24/7 365 days a year all life long.

It is about time this farce known  as mankind ends.

[ENZO]

BTW "enzo", you re not fooling anyone, this thread is just another attention whoring attempt on your part which could be summed this way; look at me I have a better life than you all suckers who settled.


Well, good for you, but you re an animal just like the rest of us and you ll die just like the rest of us after a delusional existence.  

It was more like an epiphany I had and felt like expressing. Take it how you want 

[Natural Man]

It was more like an epiphany I had and felt like expressing. Take it how you want  

Sure.











 

[Fortress]

Yeah, most people do a great amount of bitching and complaining about life, all the time ... and then have kids.  

Sometimes I think it's that folks want to somehow "convince" themselves that life is some beautiful thing, as is always stated to us from all points of the media/corporate/church compass.

I do believe this planet is a beatiful thing, and I also do believe that humans are capable of being beautiful and producing beautiful things. But I also know that humans have seriously fucked shit up here on earth and essentially created a living hell.

And as far as the whole pass-on-my-family-name horsheshit, NO ONE gives two shits about your dumb family name. Mine included. Your bloodline is about as important as a fart in the wind.

Get over yourself.

I believe most have children for selfish reasons. To create an illusion that their life is vitally important and provide a measure of comfort that they're not alone in this world and they won't drop dead in some ratty apartment as an old fuck without anyone knowing for several weeks.  

 

[f450]

I have been in long-term relationships and, now being "single" for several years, don't think I particularly desire to ever be again. I mean, I do enjoy the notion of romance and having a loving, steady companion, but realistically, can't see this as being feasible.

I treasure my freedom and no-drama lifestyle too much. I come home, jam music, go to the gym and eat what and whenever I want to. I spend my money only on stuff that I want to spend money on.

I don't have to endure crappy vacations to Mexico and in-law get-togethers that are everything but a pleasure.

As well, I believe romance and desire is slowly killed when two people live together. That illusion so important to carnal attraction is eroded.

And as far as kids, well, I have never been a big fan of this world we (humans) have built, so why produce another whom I love only to have to exist within it? I have no belief in an afterlife, so where's the payoff? You struggle, suffer and then become old and ill and feel and look like shit.

And then you die.

Wow! this is like hearing my thoughts coming from someone elses mouth 

I feel the exact same way.. needless to say, I'm a hit at dinner parties 

[Natural Man]

The reasons why males impregnate females are numerous. I know two very very ugly and poor people who decided to give birth not to one, not to two, but to FOUR kids hoping to get gov money, to buy a house, when only dude has a shitty 10 bucks an hour job. My opinion on these people is that sometimes people who got fucked up by life decide to fuck up life in return and to breed as much as they can to cope with reality. Life is shit? let's make it("CONTRIBUTE!) an even bigger pile of shit. Kids become their number one anti depressant. I know a jacked facially good looking dude/coworker on roids but uneducated  friend who got a fat whale pregnant and who told me he didnt want to work and he knew she 'd never leave him so he ll get her to work while he ll spend the rest of his life doing what he likes with her money, cheating on her included. And no he isnt black. Some people dont care what they have to do adapt and survive, they just do it as long as it works.

Again, the real motives behind people acts are often way more fucked up than you d thought initially. You also have women and men who come from religious families and dont even ask themselves or each others why they breed kids, there are people who have strictly no clue about why they do what they do, they just do it cause well, it's "normal" to them. The real thing you can be sure of tho is that all these suckers being spawned will have to fight each others all life long for rarer and rarer jobs and ressources and will all think they re the ones who deserve it, perpetuating the crual butchery/comedy known as "life".

BTW if you want a good laugh, ask a woman to explain to you in details why she "wants" kids.

[Natural Man]

Sure. Why the hell not? You're the same way too pal.

I'm not dissing you. I'm just pointing at the fact the real reason why we spawn kids is that it's simply an automated animal programmation in our genes first and foremost, then things like thoughs , feelings, emotions etc get attached to it, develop themselves like the branches of a tree. Also i believe "love" doesnt exist intrinsically, it's just a word and automated chemical reciepe produced in our brains, for people who arent conscious of the choices they made by selecting a mate instead of another. Most of the time, very basic interests to increase each others and offspring's odds of survival, as simple as that.

[Man of Steel]

Does anyone else have this fear? The responsibility, the financial cost, the loss of freedom to do whatever the fuck you please? Less time to focus on your goals?

I'm a much happier and productive person being single and I don't want that to change. The only bitch is the pressure from my family to "settle down" and give them grand kids

I'd prefer being 45, ripped, driving a sports car, owning a condo in the city, pounding new pussy, flourishing my business over being the boring "family man"

Not a thing wrong with being a single man.   Not everyone is meant for marriage and parenthood.   It's not that you couldn't do it, but you're simply better suited for a life that doesn't involve that.    Some people have very specfic, very personal, all consuming goals that wouldn't allow for a good marriage or family.  If you recognize that before you leap into a marriage or parenthood you and a hypothetical spouse or kid are much better off.

[Man of Steel]

your priorities over life change.

This is very, very true though.  

I've got friends that swore of marriage and kids 20 years ago and one of the most opposed was elated last week because his wife gave birth to their first kiddo.

[Natural Man]

Not a thing wrong with being a single man.   Not everyone is meant for marriage and parenthood.   It's not that you couldn't do it, but you're simply better suited for a life that doesn't involve that.    Some people have very specfic, very personal, all consuming goals that wouldn't allow for a good marriage or family.  If you recognize that before you leap into a marriage or parenthood you and a hypothetical spouse or kid are much better off.

exactly, you will disapear without an offspring , probably ending billions of years of evolution of your bloodline, and not a single fuck will be given. Anyway for one person who doesnt reproduce, there are 10 000 who will until it gets completely unmanagable or we get wiped from the surface of the earth by some random cataclysmic event...

[Man of Steel]

exactly, you will disapear without an offspring , probably ending billions of years of evolution of your bloodline, and not a single fuck will be given. Anyway for one person who doesnt reproduce, there are 10 000 who will...

And I'm a man of faith so I'll add a bit of inspired theology from Paul the apostle LOL:

1 Corinthians 7:7-8
7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.
9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.