My views on marriage and relationships

[Palpatine Q]

Your kids may just contribute  to making this world better. Imagine if your parents thought the same. All the contribution that you have made to the bodybuilding world, Musclemag, strength world, would have never existed.
This world is violent, yes. As it has ALWAYS been. People today think that they and times that they live in are so special, when in the grand scheme of things, the opposite is true.
We've become a bitter, cynical people. And in general, bitter cynical people don't want to propagate, nor cannot stand one another.

Fortress is an intelligent guy, but he never made it past 18,emotionally.

Fuck the world, hail kill.

What the fuck does that even mean.  Who am I hailing who am I supposed to be "killing" 

[Howard]

People that  don't kids have crack me up when they tell you what it's like having kids

It's like me speaking on what's it's like to be a black man in America 

I can only go by my own observations and what others tell me who have kids.
You are right, I don't what it's like to have kids , but it looked stressful to me.
Ya know, I've never been screwed up the ass in prison, but I know I don't want that LOL

[Howard]

My advice to others is to do what feels right to you in your heart and mind. What I have witnessed over my lifetime is that sometimes relationships are successful in the long term and other times they are not.

Most of my friends and some of my extended family have been or are currently divorced. My mom and dad separated when I was 4 years old. My mom and stepdad stayed together for over 30 years until my step dad died. Their relationship was tumultuous and seemingly extremely disfunctional.

What i have learned about relationships from my and other's experiences is that it is not easy to figure out what makes a relationship work or not. Therefore any advice offered should be taken lightly.

Howard is looking at a narrow window of relationship experience. Without doubt, he honestly believes in the advice he offered which was to wait until you are more mature before marrying. I wish him success in his present relationship.

Good post. Thanks for adding another thoughtful viewpoint to the thread topic.

[Howard]

As you can witness - dude is in a happy marriage. These who said it must be "for life", well.. let's say that humans are known for wishful thinking. 

I'll never understand the logic behind blindly obeying the "death till your part" edict.
I think that harkens back to old religious values and tradition.
I honestly don't think it applies in the 21st century.

Why should anyone stay for life, in a loveless, dysfunctional, unhappy marriage?

[Howard]

You're giving marriage and relationship advice? It's like taking mental health advice from a schizophrenic homeless man living in a cardboard box. Yes, you're preaching is advice by standing on a soap box espousing your rhetoric on how one should be in a relationship with a woman. We heard the same kind of nonsense with your other wife.

I do wish you well. I hope this is the last time and wish you nothing but the best. I hope she knows what she got herself into.

LOL

I was asked by another poster to start a thread outlining my views on marriage and relationships.
I didn't have anything better to do and it was fun to see my thoughts get organized in text.

Thanks for the kind words about my current marriage and I'm doing my best .

FYI,  my views here posted on getbig are just my OPINION , based on my own unique life experience.
I think it's obvious, plenty don't or won't agree with me.

[Ronnie Rep]

Some good advice from Howard based on his life experiences. Prime and Booty also. I think the most important thing regarding relationships and especially marriage is to know who you are. Once you know that you have a good shot of being in a long term relationship.

[Primemuscle]

C'mon now, this is a forum and my advice is going to be based on my life experience.
I have no doubt you and many others have had different experiences and will have a different opinion.

FYI, my own maternal grandparents were married for 74 yrs. They seemed happy.

I'm nitpicking, but sometimes it is wiser to simply relay your experience without offering any advice. Your track record when it comes to successful marriages isn't to hot....just saying. So even though you've had ample experience with marriage, it has mostly been negative.

The above being said, I sincerely wish you every success in your current marriage. It is time for you to have a positive relationship experience.

[DooM_]

haha!!

[pedro01]

Not only advice on marriage from someone that's failed 3 times - but advice on having kids from someone that's never had them.

[Howard]

Not only advice on marriage from someone that's failed 3 times - but advice on having kids from someone that's never had them.

I used outline form to post my thoughts. I'm not trying to be a counselor or give marital advice here.
I'm simply trying to show an alternative way to look at marriage and relationships.

[Howard]

I'm nitpicking, but sometimes it is wiser to simply relay your experience without offering any advice. Your track record when it comes to successful marriages isn't to hot....just saying. So even though you've had ample experience with marriage, it has mostly been negative.

The above being said, I sincerely wish you every success in your current marriage. It is time for you to have a positive relationship experience.

I don't think marriage is always meant to be a lifetime deal.
I view marriage as a loving partnership, NOT some lifetime contract, signed by GOD.

[Primemuscle]

I don't think marriage is always meant to be a lifetime deal.
I view marriage as a loving partnership, NOT some lifetime contract, signed by GOD.

I am not a religious person. God has nothing to do with my views on marriage. Marriage is a loving partnership, just as you suggest. A few of us get lucky the first time around. It is fairly certain I will remain married to my one and only wife until one of us dies.

[Ron Harrigan]

Fuck the world, hail kill.

What the fuck does that even mean.  Who am I hailing who am I supposed to be "killing" 

It is a Satanic anthem of sorts. The aim naturally is to destroy everything good.

[_bruce_]

Married Getbigger getting blown up...
without a bomb.

[James28]

http://qz.com/254477/its-time-to-accept-this-fact-a-really-great-marriage-is-rare/

Great read and I'm glad that me and the girlfriend don't adhere to much of what's said in that article. As a primary school teacher she earns what I spend on beer every month, and I don't really drink at all. With the business and my full time job I earn enough by a country mile that she never have to think about work again if that's what she wanted. But because it's just me and her there's little point for her to sit at home. She enjoys her job too much. But with my crazy work habits and coming home fucked every night, she takes care of all the chores. I help where I can but it's all her. In return when she goes shopping with her sister or friends I'll give her my debit card (access to the Roman Empire as I call it) and tell her to go wild. She rarely spends more than a few 100 bucks as she feels too bad to spend my money (our money as she calls it). I might take that time that she's away to tidy up around the house and surprise her that way. So it does balance out. I also 'surprise' her with coffee in bed every morning, feed the cats, do any dishes from the night before, as I'm pretty much up never later than 4am. Little things and women love that type of shit.

I think it's also very important to give each other plenty of space. This weekend she's at a baby shower and then having a girls night whilst I'm meeting up with my bros for some top shelf stuff. Tomorrow (Sunday) we'll do something together.

And I might have some whores come down on me for saying this, but I don't think a relationship should be 100% equal. Or 50-50, whichever way you see it. I do however think the illusion of it being equal is quite important, but either one of the slightly more responsible/mature/intelligent party should gently steer the other one towards an agreed upon goal. As long as you never ever abuse that responsibility. And if you earn more than her, never make her ask you for money or blatantly seem like you hold all the good cards (because you do), it breeds resentment. Offer to buy them gifts all the time, if she's a keeper, she won't accept them. Just yesterday I offered her diamond ear rings, a business class ticket to Australia to see her friend next weekend and a fancy handbag. She told me to save 'our' money instead. When I gave her my bank card when she went shopping with her sister, she made a point of it to only buy specials and bring me the receipts, unprompted.

You can train them anyway you like, just be stealthy about it and never abuse that fact.

[James28]

The whole general-belief-in-god thing is so ridiculous.

It seems only those who have lost all this brainwashing horseshit can truly see the utter nonsense in such a thing.

As the years pass further from the point when I began to emerge from my own brainwashed younger years, I see the concept of "god", etc. as being just beyond idiotic and juvenile.

And it's not that I DON'T think there is possibility to the idea that we were created by something. However, even if this is true, why do we have to label this other entity a god? We create things and we don't refer to ourselves as gods. Just because what we've created isn't as sophisticated as, well, us, doesn't mean anything. We're simply not yet at that level of intelligent evolution.

It pains me that this species is so damn pathetic and juvenile.

P.S. I don't want to get married and certainly don't want children. To bring someone whom I love into this violent and goofy world to suffer all its indignities and stresses and pain is PURE CRUELTY.

When I'm gone, good riddance. This place sucks ass.

Of course, I do LOVE my music.

Heavy metal!

Fuck the world ~ Hail and Kill!

You're a very cool poster and smart guy, but I don't understand why you always seem so negative about life. It's not THAT bad man. Sometimes you sound like a suicidal teenager. You don't have to interact with a brainless society at all if you don't want to. You can spend and focus your life with all that you deem beautiful and precious. Money is THE most important thing to a happy life. Don't let morons tell you otherwise. With money you can shield yourself and your family of halfwits and having to live between scum. Around my house we don't read any popular news media, NEVER watch any TV, don't spend all our time sitting online with imaginary 'friends' or do any stupid shit everyone suddenly deem 'normal'.

Forget the bad and classless tossers. Try and focus on the beautiful.

[Howard]

Great read and I'm glad that me and the girlfriend don't adhere to much of what's said in that article. As a primary school teacher she earns what I spend on beer every month, and I don't really drink at all. With the business and my full time job I earn enough by a country mile that she never have to think about work again if that's what she wanted. But because it's just me and her there's little point for her to sit at home. She enjoys her job too much. But with my crazy work habits and coming home fucked every night, she takes care of all the chores. I help where I can but it's all her. In return when she goes shopping with her sister or friends I'll give her my debit card (access to the Roman Empire as I call it) and tell her to go wild. She rarely spends more than a few 100 bucks as she feels too bad to spend my money (our money as she calls it). I might take that time that she's away to tidy up around the house and surprise her that way. So it does balance out. I also 'surprise' her with coffee in bed every morning, feed the cats, do any dishes from the night before, as I'm pretty much up never later than 4am. Little things and women love that type of shit.

I think it's also very important to give each other plenty of space. This weekend she's at a baby shower and then having a girls night whilst I'm meeting up with my bros for some top shelf stuff. Tomorrow (Sunday) we'll do something together.

And I might have some whores come down on me for saying this, but I don't think a relationship should be 100% equal. Or 50-50, whichever way you see it. I do however think the illusion of it being equal is quite important, but either one of the slightly more responsible/mature/intelligent party should gently steer the other one towards an agreed upon goal. As long as you never ever abuse that responsibility. And if you earn more than her, never make her ask you for money or blatantly seem like you hold all the good cards (because you do), it breeds resentment. Offer to buy them gifts all the time, if she's a keeper, she won't accept them. Just yesterday I offered her diamond ear rings, a business class ticket to Australia to see her friend next weekend and a fancy handbag. She told me to save 'our' money instead. When I gave her my bank card when she went shopping with her sister, she made a point of it to only buy specials and bring me the receipts, unprompted.

You can train them anyway you like, just be stealthy about it and never abuse that fact.

Good post and it sounds like you have a relationship that works for you both.

[James28]

Good post and it sounds like you have a relationship that works for you both.

It does. That's because we don't listen to 'experts' on how relationships should be. 90% of people survive on wishful thinking in an ideal world/situation/how it is in books or movies.. We live with how they naturally evolve to be and in reality. Relationships in REALITY isn't a daily dose of meeting for organic lattes in quirky Italians shops whilst planning our holiday clearing up land mines in Sierra Leone, kissing in rain, hiring a quartet to play her songs you wrote her, flying off to romantic destinations filled with smiling people with perfect lives. People expect this bullshit and when reality hits them like a meteor they want out because 'Life' taught them to expect only the best. 'The Best' will spontaneously and magically fall into their laps without them having to put any effort in to gain that. They can't commit because they don't know what Life really is. They've never been taught or had the intelligence to see through all the fake-ness that people put out there. You see it on this forum in all its glory more than you see it on that people media, things, whatever the cool kids call it these days. I never bother to keep up or remember it past 2 seconds.

 We just seem to gravitate more easily towards historical gender roles and we're both fine with it. And to the obvious envy of friends. 'You guys always seem to have it made'. All the while they struggle for control in their bullshit relationships.

We're a team and help each other. I don't waste my time shopping (I'd rather hack my own testicles off) nor does she waste hers chopping trees down or fighting office wars. It works. We both do what we're good at and whilst it we're not perfect people, we're perfect for each other.

[da_vinci]

Your kids may just contribute to making this world better. Imagine if your parents thought the same. All the contribution that you have made to the bodybuilding world, Musclemag, strength world, would have never existed.
This world is violent, yes. As it has ALWAYS been. People today think that they and times that they live in are so special, when in the grand scheme of things, the opposite is true.
We've become a bitter, cynical people. And in general, bitter cynical people don't want to propagate, nor cannot stand one another.

I'd prefer noone to have kids as they are rivals to me and my relatives. I don't care about any of their possible "contributions", noone cares, it makes no sense. We only care about ourselves and these who are close to us. Period.

Bunch of ants reproducing blindly, nothing more.

[da_vinci]

I am not a religious person. God has nothing to do with my views on marriage. Marriage is a loving partnership, just as you suggest. A few of us get lucky the first time around. It is fairly certain I will remain married to my one and only wife until one of us dies.

I would not be surprised that you didn't even have much options so what else is left...

[Howard]

It does. That's because we don't listen to 'experts' on how relationships should be. 90% of people survive on wishful thinking in an ideal world/situation/how it is in books or movies.. We live with how they naturally evolve to be and in reality. Relationships in REALITY isn't a daily dose of meeting for organic lattes in quirky Italians shops whilst planning our holiday clearing up land mines in Sierra Leone, kissing in rain, hiring a quartet to play her songs you wrote her, flying off to romantic destinations filled with smiling people with perfect lives. People expect this bullshit and when reality hits them like a meteor they want out because 'Life' taught them to expect only the best. 'The Best' will spontaneously and magically fall into their laps without them having to put any effort in to gain that. They can't commit because they don't know what Life really is. They've never been taught or had the intelligence to see through all the fake-ness that people put out there. You see it on this forum in all its glory more than you see it on that people media, things, whatever the cool kids call it these days. I never bother to keep up or remember it past 2 seconds.

 We just seem to gravitate more easily towards historical gender roles and we're both fine with it. And to the obvious envy of friends. 'You guys always seem to have it made'. All the while they struggle for control in their bullshit relationships.

We're a team and help each other. I don't waste my time shopping (I'd rather hack my own testicles off) nor does she waste hers chopping trees down or fighting office wars. It works. We both do what we're good at and whilst it we're not perfect people, we're perfect for each other.

Hey , whatever works!
I agree with your individualists ideals and refusal to do things like everyone else says to.

[Palpatine Q]

It does. That's because we don't listen to 'experts' on how relationships should be. 90% of people survive on wishful thinking in an ideal world/situation/how it is in books or movies.. We live with how they naturally evolve to be and in reality. Relationships in REALITY isn't a daily dose of meeting for organic lattes in quirky Italians shops whilst planning our holiday clearing up land mines in Sierra Leone, kissing in rain, hiring a quartet to play her songs you wrote her, flying off to romantic destinations filled with smiling people with perfect lives. People expect this bullshit and when reality hits them like a meteor they want out because 'Life' taught them to expect only the best. 'The Best' will spontaneously and magically fall into their laps without them having to put any effort in to gain that. They can't commit because they don't know what Life really is. They've never been taught or had the intelligence to see through all the fake-ness that people put out there. You see it on this forum in all its glory more than you see it on that people media, things, whatever the cool kids call it these days. I never bother to keep up or remember it past 2 seconds.

 We just seem to gravitate more easily towards historical gender roles and we're both fine with it. And to the obvious envy of friends. 'You guys always seem to have it made'. All the while they struggle for control in their bullshit relationships.

We're a team and help each other. I don't waste my time shopping (I'd rather hack my own testicles off) nor does she waste hers chopping trees down or fighting office wars. It works. We both do what we're good at and whilst it we're not perfect people, we're perfect for each other.

Very good post by the mighty James28

Like I used to say to my Ex,  life isnt a lite beer commercial

[Fortress]

Fortress is an intelligent guy, but he never made it past 18,emotionally.

Fuck the world, hail kill.

What the fuck does that even mean.  Who am I hailing who am I supposed to be "killing"  

Perhaps you are right regarding my emotional maturity. Heck, I don't know.

The "hail and kill" tag is from the band MANOWAR (can't not use all capitals when speaking about the mighty ... MANOWAR). The way I interpret it is, rebel against all you dislike and/or hate and push to triumph over all that stands in your way.

And then when you're dying, say/think, Ah, fuck it all, anyway. Suck it, everyone.  

We're the dust of stars. No god is going to retrieve you when your human form dies.

Far from being a downer for me, this reality frees me and allows me to extend more compassion towards those who deserve it.

[Primemuscle]

Great read and I'm glad that me and the girlfriend don't adhere to much of what's said in that article. As a primary school teacher she earns what I spend on beer every month, and I don't really drink at all. With the business and my full time job I earn enough by a country mile that she never have to think about work again if that's what she wanted. But because it's just me and her there's little point for her to sit at home. She enjoys her job too much. But with my crazy work habits and coming home fucked every night, she takes care of all the chores. I help where I can but it's all her. In return when she goes shopping with her sister or friends I'll give her my debit card (access to the Roman Empire as I call it) and tell her to go wild. She rarely spends more than a few 100 bucks as she feels too bad to spend my money (our money as she calls it). I might take that time that she's away to tidy up around the house and surprise her that way. So it does balance out. I also 'surprise' her with coffee in bed every morning, feed the cats, do any dishes from the night before, as I'm pretty much up never later than 4am. Little things and women love that type of shit.

I think it's also very important to give each other plenty of space. This weekend she's at a baby shower and then having a girls night whilst I'm meeting up with my bros for some top shelf stuff. Tomorrow (Sunday) we'll do something together.

And I might have some whores come down on me for saying this, but I don't think a relationship should be 100% equal. Or 50-50, whichever way you see it. I do however think the illusion of it being equal is quite important, but either one of the slightly more responsible/mature/intelligent party should gently steer the other one towards an agreed upon goal. As long as you never ever abuse that responsibility. And if you earn more than her, never make her ask you for money or blatantly seem like you hold all the good cards (because you do), it breeds resentment. Offer to buy them gifts all the time, if she's a keeper, she won't accept them. Just yesterday I offered her diamond ear rings, a business class ticket to Australia to see her friend next weekend and a fancy handbag. She told me to save 'our' money instead. When I gave her my bank card when she went shopping with her sister, she made a point of it to only buy specials and bring me the receipts, unprompted.

You can train them anyway you like, just be stealthy about it and never abuse that fact.

In Oregon, primary school teachers earn about $60 k a year plus benefits. You must drink very  expensive beer.

[deceiver]

Giving advice on relathionships after being 100 years with one person is like giving advices on cars after driving one Toyota camry for 40 years  

:DDDDDDDDDD

Your kids may just contribute to making this world better. Imagine if your parents thought the same. All the contribution that you have made to the bodybuilding world, Musclemag, strength world, would have never existed.
This world is violent, yes. As it has ALWAYS been. People today think that they and times that they live in are so special, when in the grand scheme of things, the opposite is true.
We've become a bitter, cynical people. And in general, bitter cynical people don't want to propagate, nor cannot stand one another.

Yes, but they could have as well been another Hitler, who the fuck knows, who the fuck cares. "Good of mankind" is the worst argument for having kids I have ever heard. I do not give a single fuck about "mankind" because "mankind" does not give a single fuck about me. It's only a matter of time before human becomes extinct anyway. If you know anything about probability, if there is any chance something will happen, given enough trial it suddenly becomes very likely to happen. We have means to destroy the world and there is no doubt that we will and the only reason why it will happen is because we can do that and we have shitload of time to do that. So, in grand scheme of things it is irrelevant if you reproduce or not. "What if my parents thought the same"... Parker, what if you were a goat. They didn't, case closed. I do not want to have kids because they are pain in the ass and I hate them. Yeah, may awesome genes won't be passed on, what a fucking shame.