I hope you're doing well tbombz.
As you already know, I always wish you the very best and keep you in my thoughts.
I'm glad you've found something that you feel incredibly passionate about.
"1"
This.
Read more books: Osho, the book of mirdad (best book ever), brothers karamazov by Dostoevskyj, the power of now, the ultimate truth the present, Allan watts.
All will be good.
Remember - you are that, that you keep seeking