My friend seems to be happiest in his "forever alone/single" life

[Primemuscle]

But you are bisexual and constantly pondered about cocks (or maybe even indulged, I have no idea). How is that not a self torture?
 On another hand - if you'd let yourself think negatively about that now, after all these years, it would make it very hard to live. Another thing - many of these oldschool long lasting marriages have some very dark secrets noone usualy knows about (like cheating of both spouses or some other use and abuse).
 It's great you are happy with the outcome (I'm just bringing some arguments, for the sake of that), but I guess you have no idea how life is now (for young people), how many opportunities and how different it has became in general. And it is different, you can be sure of that.

I am positive life for young folks has changed over the last 5 decades. I have children and adult grandchildren. I've witnessed how different some things have been for them. I disagree when it comes to more opportunities though, I think there is actually less opportunity for a quality education and financial success today then there was when I was a young adult. We had more of an opportunity to screw things up and still end up okay. Everything is so intense today. It is a bit scary.

Yes I am bisexual and yes I unfortunately acted on that during the early part of our marriage. Although, I was open with my wife from the beginning about my sexuality, it was still hard for her. I know it messed with her feelings of security and hurt her. This is not meant to excuse my sexual infidelities, but most everyone is flawed in some way. Many marriages survive extra marital affairs, whether it is the husband, the wife or both who cheat. If it means anything, I have never been in love with, had a romantic relationship with or even wanted to have one with any other person thoughout the entire time my wife and I have been together.

[da_vinci]

I agree
http://www.businesspundit.com/10-millionaire-businessmen-who-committed-suicide/

Yep.

http://www.businesspundit.com/millions-of-married-men-who-are-considering-suicide/

[da_vinci]

I am positive life for young folks has changed over the last 5 decades. I have children and adult grandchildren. I've witnessed how different some things have been for them. I disagree when it comes to more opportunities though, I think there is actually less opportunity for a quality education and financial success today then there was when I was a young adult. We had more of an opportunity to screw things up and still end up okay. Everything is so intense today. It is a bit scary.

Yes I am bisexual and yes I unfortunately acted on that during the early part of our marriage. Although, I was open with my wife from the beginning about my sexuality, it was still hard for her. I know it messed with her feelings of security and hurt her. This is not meant to excuse my sexual infidelities, but most everyone is flawed in some way. Many marriages survive extra marital affairs, whether it is the husband, the wife or both who cheat. If it means anything, I have never been in love with, had a romantic relationship with or even wanted to have one with any other person thoughout the entire time my wife and I have been together.

As a poster above said - the statistics speak for itself. Honestly, if just there were more of these positive outcomes around - I'd be speaking different things, btu now... one must be prepared to fool yourself to dive into that head first and think it will be a great ride. I could bet my left nut that many who are below 40 now and speak higly of marriage, will fall into these statistics later and wonder what the hell just happened.
 Humans are animals, love is a deal and family is bussiness. Much depends on a pure luck in bussiness and it's a very high risk investment with quite a low rate of success. For each is to decide whether to make it or not. The issues is - while young, most people are too stupid to read between the lines of the "Book of LIFE", and then they learn it, it's usualy too late.
 Obviously, some people are just not very succesfull when it comes to finding a partner at all... so any chance to have one and keep it must be used.

[da_vinci]

some people get lucky and cant shut up about it which is understandable cus its like winning the lottery.  But try to keep your unique situation to yourself because the vast majority of marriages are not a happy union. not even close .. and the divorce rate is steadily rising ... spitting out a bloody mulch of broken men in its wake.

I loved the words of W.Allen: Marriage is a pure luck (to find a greatly compatible person, for many years). If you are lucky - it may work well, otherwise it will be a "hard work", and that means you failed.

[Primemuscle]

As a poster above said - the statistics speak for itself. Honestly, if just there were more of these positive outcomes around - I'd be speaking different things, btu now... one must be prepared to fool yourself to dive into that head first and think it will be a great ride. I could bet my left nut that many who are below 40 now and speak higly of marriage, will fall into these statistics later and wonder what the hell just happened.
 Humans are animals, love is a deal and family is bussiness. Much depends on a pure luck in bussiness and it's a very high risk investment with quite a low rate of success. For each is to decide whether to make it or not. The issues is - while young, most people are too stupid to read between the lines of the "Book of LIFE", and then they learn it, it's usualy too late.
 Obviously, some people are just not very succesfull when it comes to finding a partner at all... so any chance to have one and keep it must be used.

It kind of boils down to the fact that there are folks who are hopeful and there are those who are not.

I'm not sure how family is a business. Could you explain this more? Love is not a deal, it is a feeling. Feelings come and feelings go. Commitment depends on character.

It is interesting you'd characterize a partner as an "it" because most people hopefully see their partners and people.

[da_vinci]

It kind of boils down to the fact that there are folks who are hopeful and there are those who are not.

I'm not sure how family is a business. Could you explain this more? Love is not a deal, it is a feeling. Feelings come and feelings go. Commitment depends on character.

It is interesting you'd characterize a partner as an "it" because most people hopefully see their partners and people.

Family is an individuals straegy to increase odds of survival (of a person and his offspring), no wonder in rich populations marriage is going down as people survive alone just as good (or better). Love is a deal, because each part involved expects something in return (men - sex, female - security), the better the deal "looks", the bigger "love" is being signaled in the brain. Females "love" men for their toys, power, money, influence (everything is an extension of a male as a potential partner), men "love" females for their youth and beauty. A male for a female is an investor (to their offspring and her personal well being). Many men make these investments guided by dick and when the magic wears off - there's no cancelling of the deal, it's game over. Nature is clever and knows how to come around a rationale of a modern homo-sapiens pretty often by merely using the animalistic urges. The issue is - humans are conscious and it creates lots of confusion down the road.
 In the end, the least depressed people (of any age) I personally know are these who are rich as fuck. Shit happens for some of them too, hell, no wonder, this life is pretty crazy afterall, but instead of contcentrating on making kids, odds are it's better to concentrate on making money. That will enable to act as one wishes, on the long road. At the "worst" case scenario an old rich male can find a young poor female who will agree to have a kid with him. What is left for an old poor divorced lad? Not much..

[Primemuscle]

Family is an individuals straegy to increase odds of survival (of a person and his offspring), no wonder in rich populations marriage is going down as people survive alone just as good (or better). Love is a deal, because each part involved expects something in return (men - sex, female - security), the better the deal "looks", the bigger "love" is being signaled in the brain. Females "love" men for their toys, power, money, influence (everything is an extension of a male as a potential partner), men "love" females for their youth and beauty. A male for a female is an investor (to their offspring and her personal well being). Many men make these investments guided by dick and when the magic wears off - there's no cancelling of the deal, it's game over. Nature is clever and knows how to come around a rationale of a modern homo-sapiens pretty often by merely using the animalistic urges. The issue is - humans are conscious and it creates lots of confusion down the road.
 In the end, the least depressed people (of any age) I personally know are these who are rich as fuck. Shit happens for some of them too, hell, no wonder, this life is pretty crazy afterall, but instead of contcentrating on making kids, odds are it's better to concentrate on making money. That will enable to act as one wishes, on the long road. At the "worst" case scenario an old rich male can find a young poor female who will agree to have a kid with him. What is left for an old poor divorced lad? Not much..

You and I know very different people. I've seen countless examples, some of them my own extended family, of folks who achieved great material wealth and yet not happiness. Those people help mold my life. Wealth was never my primary goal. Funny thing is, although I am not particularly wealthy, I am financially better off than many people. My wife and I grew up with privilege. We are both of the same opinion about wealth and happiness.

I have noticed that many people who grew up in environments where money was a concern have a greater belief that having it will make them happier. It rarely does.

[da_vinci]

You and I know very different people. I've seen countless examples, some of them my own extended family, of folks who achieved great material wealth and yet not happiness. Those people help mold my life. Wealth was never my primary goal. Funny thing is, although I am not particularly wealthy, I am financially better off than many people. My wife and I grew up with privilege. We are both of the same opinion about wealth and happiness.

I have noticed that many people who grew up in environments where money was a concern have a greater belief that having it will make them happier. It rarely does.

You are wrong, simply due to the fact that money = survival, the more money - the better odds of survival, that alone creates a state of what we call "happiness" . Family and other similar stuff may be a win or loss, a lottery, sometimes it may bring joy, sometimes lots of suffer, while money always mean one thing - you ass is well secured, relax and take your time at whatever you are doing. Majority of people are stressed beyond belief just because they doesn't feel secure, they doesn't feel like they have it "well", the competition is tough (you may have fotgotten this already as you are more of a spectator now) and if some bad shit happens - money is usualy a thing that saves your ass. Now don't tell me money can't buy happiness, thats the stuff that poor people convinced themselves. It may not buy happiness, but it certainly does buy more chances to feel happy in this short life.
 I personally haven't felt a shortage of money from my childhood, yet I think (and know) that money certainly does make me very happy and life pretty damn easy and fun ride.

[che]

Everyone is different  ,I don't  give a fuck about money , when my father in law passed away  , my wife was  the beneficiary of  a substantial amount of money, we did put some money away for my kids education and the rest we donated to 5 different charities , now we are poor again .

[Primemuscle]

You are wrong, simply due to the fact that money = survival, the more money - the better odds of survival, that alone creates a state of what we call "happiness" . Family and other similar stuff may be a win or loss, a lottery, sometimes it may bring joy, sometimes lots of suffer, while money always mean one thing - you ass is well secured, relax and take your time at whatever you are doing. Majority of people are stressed beyond belief just because they doesn't feel secure, they doesn't feel like they have it "well", the competition is tough (you may have fotgotten this already as you are more of a spectator now) and if some bad shit happens - money is usualy a thing that saves your ass. Now don't tell me money can't buy happiness, thats the stuff that poor people convinced themselves. It may not buy happiness, but it certainly does buy more chances to feel happy in this short life.
 I personally haven't felt a shortage of money from my childhood, yet I think (and know) that money certainly does make me very happy and life pretty damn easy and fun ride.

I can't say I've ever been truly poor, aside from one time when I was a teenager living on my own and I was down to .25 with no idea how I'd buy my next meal. I bummed off some friends for a few days until my aunt's "stop gap" check arrived. By the end of the week, I was working again. Not much of a story. But this experience had no effect on my happiness.

My step-dad was obsessed with making a million dollars (back when that actually was good money). He came from really humble beginnings. His stepfather was a drunk coal miner from Poland. My stepfather was the youngest of 10 children. His family counted on those charity church baskets in order to have enough food for everyone. He never made that million dollars, but he did pretty well for himself. Unfortunately, happiness eluded him his whole life. Somehow those new Caddies and Lincolns he bought lost there luster pretty quickly as did the big houses and the momentary happiness they gave him was gone. Maybe the Cuban cigars he smoked made him happy.

I have no idea what your personal experiences are, but it is obvious you believe money will make you happy. I hope for your sake that it does.

[Rudee]

Everyone is different  ,I don't  give a fuck about money , when my father in law passed away  , my wife was  the beneficiary of  a substantial amount of money, we did put some money away for my kids education and the rest we donated to 5 different charities , now we are poor again .

Here in Calgary, Alberta where I live, the collapsing oil prices have hit a few people I know pretty hard who work in the industry.   When you go from a six-figure salary to about $2k in monthly unemployment benefits, it's quite an adjustment, especially when you're used to a certain lifestyle.  

[Army of One]

Everyone is different  ,I don't  give a fuck about money , when my father in law passed away  , my wife was  the beneficiary of  a substantial amount of money, we did put some money away for my kids education and the rest we donated to 5 different charities , now we are poor again .

This sounds like a Groink story

[che]

Here in Calgary, Alberta where I live, the collapsing oil prices have hit a few people I know pretty hard who work in the industry.   When you go from a six-figure salary to about $2k in monthly unemployment benefits, it's quite an adjustment, especially when you're used to a certain lifestyle.  

Not having a job sucks .

[che]

This sounds like a Groink story

He's my inspiration .

[Radical Plato]

You are wrong, simply due to the fact that money = survival, the more money - the better odds of survival, that alone creates a state of what we call "happiness" . Family and other similar stuff may be a win or loss, a lottery, sometimes it may bring joy, sometimes lots of suffer, while money always mean one thing - you ass is well secured, relax and take your time at whatever you are doing. Majority of people are stressed beyond belief just because they doesn't feel secure, they doesn't feel like they have it "well", the competition is tough (you may have fotgotten this already as you are more of a spectator now) and if some bad shit happens - money is usualy a thing that saves your ass. Now don't tell me money can't buy happiness, thats the stuff that poor people convinced themselves. It may not buy happiness, but it certainly does buy more chances to feel happy in this short life.
 I personally haven't felt a shortage of money from my childhood, yet I think (and know) that money certainly does make me very happy and life pretty damn easy and fun ride.

I don't think anything buys happiness.  Studies show that a persons disposition is genetically hardwired, some people are more optimistic and happy and others more pessimistic and gloomy.  They all have a baseline and they deviate either side of that from time to time.  Our circumstances are pretty irrelevant really.  As long as basic needs are catered for, food, shelter, warmth etc, our basic nature is what it is.  It is a bit of a con by the new-agers that sells the idea that ones happiness can be increased in any real way. kind of like saying money can make you taller.  We can't exceed the limitations placed on us by nature.  

I think what people mean when they say money buys them happiness, is that they actually believe money makes them feel more secure and less vulnerable.  But I often find cases of people with more money and it makes them feel less secure and more vulnerable.  The reality is we are all insecure and vulnerable and there is nothing we can do about that, we can distract ourselves with money making and spending, but the reality remains the same.

[wes]

Girls and sons who have not been loved by their fathers seek attention once teens and adults to compensate for what they didn't have originally. Fathers either left them alone, or were distant most of the time and not encouraging them.

Some even despised them which would shape their personality and the way they they interact with others for the rest of their life.
They are extremistic in everything they do, always looking exaggeratly for attention (Hello Goodrum), and have troubles adapting to society's rules, because they also have troubles defining their own identity and respecting authority and hierarchy.

Also boys who got picked on by others during childhood and adolescence -often sons without a father figure- try to compensate by lifting weights, to develop muscles and survive in ther male world.
They're insecure because they're girly, childish, feminine having been raised by a single mom.
They lift obsessively hoping it will transform them into men, to compensate for their lack of influence from a father figure that was not there. Unfortunaltey they can get as big as they can it doesnt cure their insecurity and who they truly are, how they grew up being raised by a single mom. They re no as manly as other men whatever they do, and they often have a big lack of masculine presence they dont know how to balance, hence often being borderline homosexuals while trying to get their manhood back thru various manly activities (mma, cars, weight lifting etc).

They are often the ones that, in order to get respect from other males will go the steroids route to get even "bigger" attemptint to cure their insecurity , but being natural not being "enough", they still feel "too small", insecure, amongst other males. The lack of a father figure also often means they didnt have guidance to continue studies and are often working shitty manual jobs.

[da_vinci]

He never made that million dollars, but he did pretty well for himself. Unfortunately, happiness eluded him his whole life. Somehow those new Caddies and Lincolns he bought lost there luster pretty quickly as did the big houses and the momentary happiness they gave him was gone. Maybe the Cuban cigars he smoked made him happy.
I have no idea what your personal experiences are, but it is obvious you believe money will make you happy. I hope for your sake that it does.

Well it means he hasn't fulfilled his dream/did not reach his goal so yeah... that's not exactly happy. And there's no need to "hope", it already has been doing that for quite some time. I guess you understand happiness as some kind of a perpetual kind of state. That's not true. It's just that thing like money can enable you te feel "happy" more often than these around you. It's an emotion (or a complex of emotions) that is evolutionary as significant as other traits that we have. It basically let's you know that your survival is ok. People who are depressed are usualy just weak and their brain is signalling that everything is bad, chance of death is rising, simple as that. All other poetic stuff about happines doesn't mean shit, a simple fact that you can be MUCH more relaxed of you are wealthy means that you have better odds of survival and THAT what increases the sense of well being (or happiness). You can twist it hoewever you want it's always about survival still.

Everyone is different  ,I don't  give a fuck about money , when my father in law passed away  , my wife was  the beneficiary of  a substantial amount of money, we did put some money away for my kids education and the rest we donated to 5 different charities , now we are poor again .

What you did is one of other few ways to increase a sense of well being. Donating/taking care of others makes one feel like having a "meaning" in life (when it's intrisically meaningless), like doing something "good", basically it calms one down and protects from thoughts about the nonsense of life at it's core. And you may njot give a fuck about money at this time, but if you'd get sick (or your relative) and would have to buy expensive drugs on your own - your outlook would quickly change. It is def. possible to be "happy" with little money, it's just that lots of money can increase an overall sense of "happiness" by a big margin. And many other things touted by society as a "way to happiness" (marriage being one of these) - are far from that kind of certainty. That's all I wanted to say.

[da_vinci]

I don't think anything buys happiness.  Studies show that a persons disposition is genetically hardwired, some people are more optimistic and happy and others more pessimistic and gloomy.  They all have a baseline and they deviate either side of that from time to time.  Our circumstances are pretty irrelevant really.  As long as basic needs are catered for, food, shelter, warmth etc, our basic nature is what it is.  It is a bit of a con by the new-agers that sells the idea that ones happiness can be increased in any real way. kind of like saying money can make you taller.  We can't exceed the limitations placed on us by nature.  

I think what people mean when they say money buys them happiness, is that they actually believe money makes them feel more secure and less vulnerable.  But I often find cases of people with more money and it makes them feel less secure and more vulnerable.  The reality is we are all insecure and vulnerable and there is nothing we can do about that, we can distract ourselves with money making and spending, but the reality remains the same.

What I say has a scientific basis. Happiness is a byproduct of an effective survival (and a few other "strategies" that enables human-animal feel like it's all good), Basic needs are good, but when your neighbour brings home a hot female and you only can bring an ugly one - the fun begins. In essence - you can still be unhappy with lots of money, but chances are way lesser than being unhappy while being poor (like most people in this world who are struggling and feeling big stress daily).

[jon cole]

Guy is in his 30's, moved into his parents home (normal blue collar income home, no big luxuries I can see but very nice furniture) after leaving his wife and her kids (what happened here I do not ask. none of my business). This guy's life seems to sum up like this

- has great physique for his age
- seems to have zero stress (prob because of lack of relationships)
- he pulls pussy cuz he has a slew of fwb girls. tells each one its just about sex and that's all. if they aren't cool with that he cuts them loose
- keeps all his money to himself besides paying bills for his parents and helping them with their house/cleaning/cooking. he's not leeching off them it doesn't look like
- has a full time career (accountant)
- his hobbies appear to be lifting, playing sports games on xbox, reading books and putting in more hours with side businesses (he bought a hot dog cart this summer and has 2 people running it for him)
- recently bought (he tells me he could only now afford it because he left his wife) a Camaro SS

Seems to have the life. No stress, only deals with women on his own terms, lives comfortably.

His other friends (behind his back) seem to suffer from the need to say that he will die alone. And he will regret his decisions. I'm on the fence with this because for 1, I don't care what he does, I chill with him about once every 2 months and he's a blast to party with. Do you feel the single life in your 30's and not wanting to settle down again will in the long run cause heartache? I envy his stress free life in the fact that he doesn't have to wake up to screaming kids or have any responsibilities. He just works, hordes his money, and takes what he enjoys in life and leaves the rest.

What do you guys think of this "forever alone" (I see this term online all the time) single lifestyle approach?

your friend is very typical of the new generation.

He's just a teen with money. Few of my coworker are like that, two of them are living together, mid 30's, big house, holiday two time a year, new car every year, motorcycle etc,  basically the guy plays battlefield online all day long and the girl takes care of her two dog. They are empty ppl.

At least your friend did children, he'll leave something when he die otherwise his life will be meaningless.

I don't think my coworker are happy, but for sure they are empty, we can create a new word for these ppl = hapty.

[da_vinci]

At least your friend did children, he'll leave something when he die otherwise his life will be meaningless.

I don't think my coworker are happy, but for sure they are empty, we can create a new word for these ppl = hapty.

Life IS meaningless, whether you leave "something behind" or not (who the hell cares about what is "left" behind when you are dead. I don't care what you will leave behind and I won't care what I've left behind when I'm dead. Do you think Schakespeare was very concerned about his legacy three days after his death?). Creating other people just to fill inner voids is as ridiculous as it comes.
 Wellcome to reality.

[bigmc]

Girls and sons who have not been loved by their fathers seek attention once teens and adults to compensate for what they didn't have originally. Fathers either left them alone, or were distant most of the time and not encouraging them.

Some even despised them which would shape their personality and the way they they interact with others for the rest of their life.
They are extremistic in everything they do, always looking exaggeratly for attention (Hello Goodrum), and have troubles adapting to society's rules, because they also have troubles defining their own identity and respecting authority and hierarchy.

Also boys who got picked on by others during childhood and adolescence -often sons without a father figure- try to compensate by lifting weights, to develop muscles and survive in ther male world.
They're insecure because they're girly, childish, feminine having been raised by a single mom.
They lift obsessively hoping it will transform them into men, to compensate for their lack of influence from a father figure that was not there. Unfortunaltey they can get as big as they can it doesnt cure their insecurity and who they truly are, how they grew up being raised by a single mom. They re no as manly as other men whatever they do, and they often have a big lack of masculine presence they dont know how to balance, hence often being borderline homosexuals while trying to get their manhood back thru various manly activities (mma, cars, weight lifting etc).

They are often the ones that, in order to get respect from other males will go the steroids route to get even "bigger" attemptint to cure their insecurity , but being natural not being "enough", they still feel "too small", insecure, amongst other males. The lack of a father figure also often means they didnt have guidance to continue studies and are often working shitty manual jobs.

this joke was funny for about two seconds two years ago

 

[wes]

this joke was funny for about two seconds two years ago

 

So were you!   

[che]

Basic needs are good, but when your neighbour brings home a hot female and you only can bring an ugly one - the fun begins.

Haha  , you are shallower than a puddle of dog piss , a male version  of


But whatever make you happy, stud.

[kreator]

i agree with da_vinci, at least the guy is standing on solid ground and sees things as they are not as he wants them to be.

People in general can't accept some harsh reality because it would crush their dreams based on fairy tales they were fed in the cradle.

Born, go to school, get education, a job, find a woman and get married, have kids and live happily ever after = brainwashed

[da_vinci]

Haha  , you are shallower than a puddle of dog piss , a male version  of
But whatever make you happy, stud.

I guess you wasnt able to grasp what I meant - We evaluate by comparing. Be a poor fuck amongst the rich and you will feel like a third world scumbag. Oh.. I know.. rich people are dumb, vain and shallow so noone (intelligent) would liek to be amongst them. In other words - not having money is ok, until..... you meet your former classmate who's just as smart as you AND rich in addition to that (which means - was able to use these brain for a real world result). We are intelligent animals and calculate everything like that whether we want it or not. You may be happy with an ugly wife, but I bet your friend is happier if his wife is beautiful. That's the point - who's happy more OFTEN (because perpetually happy are only legal retards or people who are addicted to narcotics/alcohol).