So tell me about your experience when you came to the Lord in humble surrender.
I was raised as a Catholic. Went to church/Sunday school. Have a relative who is a (former) priest. (And in my late-20s, I actually considered joining the priesthood.) I spent many hours sitting/kneeling in churches, asking for communion with "god"; praying that "he'd" come into my heart. I was totally genuine in my praying and lived with a total belief in "his" existence.
Nothing.
Zero.
Within a few short years I came to be woken to the hoax of all religion. Its inherent lie and manipulation. In the reverse of one who is a born-again-Christian, I became an
UNborn-Christian, in a way. And still, decades later, the residue of my brainwashing/indoctrination continues to be purged from my psyche.
The absurdity of a belief in a clearly man-made fairy tale is more and more clear.
MOS, you're mentally weak. To be your age and to have still not begun to emerge from the delusion of "faith" is
testament to this.
You require a god in your life, and everything that needs to be to have you continue to run the
script of a delusional man is readily available in easy, simple-too-follow manuals. Jesus, Allah ... whomever.