regarding being "straight edge" and my past
in retrospect I know that I wasn't a addict....I had a phase I went through ...I sincerly have no drug cravings or triggers, never had to go to meetings or whatever
I got bored of it, never got phsically or even mentally addicted and just stopped
at the time (like around 2010) i liked using the word "addict"
why? because (and this sounds weird) but the word "addict" was interesting and "romantic"...
my drug phase was basically the drug phase I should have gone through in my teenage years that everyone went through. However my teenage years were kinda, sorta sheltered so rather than having out growing it in my twenties, I started it in my mid 20's and ended it in my early 30's
now, I cringe at all that stuff kinda like some of us cringe at the clothes and fads we went through when we were 15
I look at *insert random rec drug* the same way I looked at the "Morrissey" poster that was hanging on my wall when I was a sophmore in high school
EDIT: the tl/dr version is basically "I should go to a shrink and admit that I probably am really mad at my dad for not being there for me but since he is a emotionally a dead person even if I were to tell him off he wouldn't react and just be deadpan"
EDIT 2: so by me saying that I'm "straight edge" what I really mean is that i'm now that "normal" person I was before I went through "that phase" because before that I was very anti drug and anti alcohol.....I'm not a vegan though and I don't listed to hardcore bands or have a "X" tattoo anywhere on my body