You said you spent $20k on her. I think I speak for everyone when I say we’d like to hear about the 10K you dropped on her AFTER she refused to hold your hand. 
Seriously, with simps like you to be found, it’s a wonder any chick even needs OnlyFans!
Oh...yeah, that:
The fucking bitch, after forcing me to pay for her opioid addiction because she needed it to get over her ex, then blamed me for becoming addicted. FUCKING BITCH - ON DAY 10, I POLITELY SAID I'M CONCERNED SHE WILL BECOME ADDICTED, AND IT NEEDS TO STOP.
Three days later, having spent the full day with her, paying $400 to set up her phone while my foot was swollen and could barely fit in my shoe and I should have gone to the ER, but instead spent the day helping her set up her phone and paying $400 in a 24-hour period on her phone and some other things, the bitch yet AGAIN asked for more money for Percocets.
Not wanting to imply she was a junkie [which I later found out she was], I put my swollen foot down, raised my voice slightly, and said "You're not my girlfriend. I'm not obligated to pay for your drug habit."
She immediately started crying. Normally, I would hug a crying woman, but since she has "PTSD", I didn't want to hurt her. Meanwhile this slut had fucked over 30 guys, and her PTSD was just an excuse to treat people like shit.
What I said may seem kind of mean, but this was a woman I cared about - and I didn't want to be the one that provided her with the means to become addicted to opiates. Yeah - I put my foot down. What else was I supposed to do? Three days earlier, I politely made myself clear I was concerned that after ten days of Percocet use she was on the cusp of becoming addicted, and I didn't want that to happen.
And she STILL ASKED for money for Percocets, when, as calm as I was the first time, I made it completely clear I wanted no part in her potentially developing an opiate addiction on my dime.
Later that day I went to the emergency room for my foot. I explained to her that I spent the day helping her set up her phone when I should have been at the hospital. And barely being able to walk, terrified I may be in kidney failure, AND ALREADY HAVING TOLD THE BITCH I DIDN'T WANT TO ENABLE A DRUG ADDICTION, that I was justified to raise my voice.
The bitch didn't listen when I asked nicely...so what the FUCK was I supposed to do??
The next day she came over, and said "If you speak to me like that again, we can't advance as a couple.,"
TRANSLATED:
"You need to support my opiate habit, or we can't be a couple."
Fucking bitch. I was in a rock and a hard place: potentially enable someone I cared about to develop a drug addiction, or lose someone I [wrongly] felt I loved.
What the FUCK was I supposed to do? I loved her - her falsely THOUGHT I did.
Later on, she blamed me for becoming addicted. Claiming I wanted her addicted, knowing she would need me to pay for her addiction. IF THAT WAS THE CASE, WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T I HAVE ADK5ED NOTHING KF HER? Had I said "Ok - I'll give you the money you need...but each time, you owe me a blowjob. Don't like my terms? Then FUCK OFF."
And she still blamed me - and guilted me into spending $6,000 to help her with a reduction program to "quit".
AND SHE NEVER QUIT. SHE JUST USED THE $6,000 IN PERCS, AND DIDN'T REMOTELY QUIT.
Fucking bitch ; guilting me when SHE forced me to give her money for Percs by saying we couldn't be together if I didn't do it.
Just a projecting, gaslighting piece of shit.
And guess what?
I found out in July of 2019 that SHE WAS ADDICTED TO OPIATES SINCE 2013.
So it was ALL A FUCKING LIE JUST TO USE ME FOR MONEY. THE FUCKING SCUMBAG.
And she knew I cared about her, and new the only way to milk me for as much money as possible was to provide me with NOTHING. And then she accused ME of "dangling carrots".
I was like "Bitch - I PROVIDED. "Dangling carrots" means tempting someone with something they will never get. WHICH IS WHAT YOU DID TO ME BY DOING NOTHING FOR ME, SO I WOULD STICK AROUND WAITING. Meanwhile, I PROVIDED. That is not "dangling" anything."
Her strategy makes sense for a self-gratifying YOLO loser. Had she showed me respect, or not been a complete leach - we would still be friends, and in the long-run, I would have actually done more for her.
But deep down she knows she can't keep a quality man [with money/means], so I think she just takes as much as she can from those men while self-sabotaging the relationship - because she knows being a drug-addicted janitor with no education who lives with her parents at 32, that she can't keep a competent men for long anyway. So taking what she can in the brief window she has makes sense, in that way.
But in the end, people hate her for it.
She once told me "When all your life, people tell you they hate you, you start to believe it."
I was thinking "BITCH, YOU USED ME AS AN ATM, AND COULDN'T PROVIDE ME WITH THE MINIMUM PHYSICAL CONTACT NECESSARY TO PREVENT MY MENTAL HEALTH FROM COLLAPSING. NO FUCKING SHIT ALL YOUR LIFE PEOPLE TELL YOU THEY HATE YOU."
GEE, so if you're a piece of shit leach who treat people like garbage, and have nothing to offer, people will have you? WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED THAT?
...
Lastly, I know you guys must be wondering how fucking stupid I was to tolerate such a wretched woman. One answer:
Love.
I would have been gone within a month if I didn't feel I loved her.
And if I could make such a horrific mistake by falling in love with a drug-addicted lying slut who treated me worse than ANY WOMAN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE HISTORY, AND USED ME MORE THAN ANYONE, WHILE I DID AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD FOR HER...
... what's to say this couldn't happen again?
And that, my friends, is why I stopped meeting any new women starting 01/01/2019.
I have three children. That 2018 almost ruined my life. And that must NEVER happen again.
As for women - I wish them no suffering or ill will.
But they cannot be a part of my life. I have way too much to lose.
Taffin - if you're reading this:
I know you were shocked when you said I'm willing to murder a woman. Please don't worry - that would only happen if a woman pushes herself into my life.
But what I went through was THE worst experience of my life. I could not have done more for this woman. COULD NOT. Because when I commit to something - I go all in. And ALL because my brain chemistry made me feel love. So I NEVER want to experience love for a woman ever again. And the only way to guarantee that is to simply not interact with women.
I mean this when I say it:
That experience could have killed me, and left my three small children without a dad.
And THAT is why, heaven forbid, if a woman pushes herself on me in any way, I swear to God - I don't even want to think about what I'm capable of doing.
If a female rape victim said she wanted nothing to do with men, and would potentially kill a man who tried to interact with her after being told no... people would understand.
So WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? I don't want women in my life, for the same of my mental, and to some extent, my physical health.
It's not been over two years since I wrote off women and could not be happier with that decision. COULD NOT.
I'm a math guy, yet I simply cannot COMPREHEND the odds that only the SECOND WOMAN that I felt I was in love with - something that took 18 YEARS to happen after the first disaster literally shut off my brain's ability to love - was literally THE WORST WOMAN I'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF MEETING.
Meanwhile, not giving a shit about women [respecting them of course, but not bending over backwards to support them] got me intimacy and sex with some of the most beautiful women on the planet, who always showed me respect and courtesy.
In fact...it just makes me wonder:
I know I met a massive piece of shit...but do most women treat you worse, the more you do for them?
If so...is the reason I've had the success I've had with women BECAUSE I'm emotionally unavailable? Because I'm kind and respectful but will NEVER coddle women?
In fact, when I publicly announced on Facebook that I'm done with women, HALF A DOZEN WOMEN PLEADED WITH ME TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE.
And as far as I am aware, ALL male dating coaches basically advise men to treat some like shit [ignore them, don't prioritize them, never let them alter your lifestyle for their benefit]. The theory is - women are attracted to independent men who make decisions for themselves, and don't let others tell them what to do.
And that's ultimately when I stopped bothering with women. I'm a natural gentleman, and I'm programmed to be kind to people, women and children in particular, hold doors open for them, etc.
When I was told women lose respect for men who do that, I decided women weren't worth the headache. I wasn't going to change my natural protective instincts and proclivities towards women, and if those natural tendencies make women hate me - whatever.
That's when I wrote off women.
What followed was the biggest flurry of available women, pussy, blowjobs, and access to literally any woman I wanted just by asking that I have ever experienced in my life.
This made me resent women further, and publicly stating I never want to speak to any new women ever again, and having six women BEG TO RECONSIDER, made me lose even more respect for women.
Which I didn't think was possible.
I don't get female psychology.
Think about this:
ALL MALE DATING COACHES ENCOURAGE MEN TO IGNORE WOMEN, GHOST THEM, AND NEVER MAKE THEM S PRIORITY.
And THAT'S what women find attractive in men???
K. Women: stay the fuck away from me. I don't even want to PRETEND to understand you. Just stay far away from me, please.
And if you're being robbed of assaulted and I'm in proximity of the in incident, and much stronger than the skinny crackhead robbing you, I can disarm him, and retrieve your purse.
But I won't. I'll call the police, and safely wait at a distance until they arrive. I will help children, and any females I suspect are under 18.
But adult ladies: you are on your own.
I don't wish for women to suffer. But please - stay away from me. For years of my life, I had no instinct stronger than to protect women. And now ; I have no instinct weaker.
To end on an optimistic note:
I think in ten years, I'll be willing to give new women a chance again.