
Imagine dying of cancer or something and your 'celebrity' visit turns out to be this dick, lol.
Mother: 'Jessica, my dear, I need you to sit up. We have a really special surprise for you today! There’s a celebrity here who would love to meet you.'
Jesicca: *Coughing and in a lot of pain* 'Okay, mommy, I’ll try. Is it … is it Justin Bieber?'
Mother: 'Umm, well, not quite. It’s M…'
(Mike suddenly kicks open the hospital ward door and stands proudly as the Gladiators theme tune blasts from his portable cassette player.)
O'Hearn: 'It's me, Titan!! Are you kids ready to beat cancer … Gladiator-style!?'
(Mike launches one of his stupid 'Titan Crew' baseball caps across the room and strikes Jessica sharply on the forehead.)
Jessica: 'OWWW! Mom, who the fuck is this? What’s going on? Where's Bieber?'
O'Hearn: 'Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you!? C'mon! Gladiators? Four-time Mr. Natural Universe? I know you know! Who’s with me!'
(Mike starts clapping his hands to the theme tune and shuffling back and forth like an idiot.)
Jessica: 'Mom, can I go back to bed? I’m really tired.'
O'Hearn: 'That's not the Titan spirit! You know how I won the leading role for Hollywood’s 2003 blockbuster
Barbarian? Hard work and determination! Come strike a front double bicep in front of the camera with me!'
Jessica: 'I don’t know who you are. Sorry, I just really want to rest.'
O'Hearn: *growing infuriated* '
The Keeper of Time?
Generation Iron: Natty 4 Life? Are you fucking kidding me?'
Mother: 'Sorry, sir, she means no offense. She’s only ten.'
O'Hearn: *Now beetroot red, arms stretched out and mouth agape in indignation as he pleads to everyone in the room* 'Romance Novels! Does
anyone here read romance novels!?'
(The nurses all look down at their feet.)
O'Hearn: 'Oh, fuck off! Fuck right off! You’re a bunch of haters!! Oh, and you're also no longer natural now; chemo is cheating! GIVE ME THAT!'
(Mike snatches the baseball cap back from Jessica’s lap and storms towards the exit.)