Straw,
I think what it boils down to is that a lot of us believe that people should be able to give to the charity cases that we want to give to, and not be forced to give to people that we may believe (mistakenly or no) can help themselves but don't seem to want to.
We have different homeless shelters in our town. Although there are need for all kinds, we donate the most to the ones that work to end homelessness through remedial classes, business courses, resume writing, etc. These are the ones that also do not allow people to be actively using drugs or alcohol while staying there. These are the ones that also share the gospel message w/people.
NOw, maybe you would never choose to donate to a charity that shares the gospel message. Don't you think that should be your right? I think it should be your right.
As a person who grew up w/a girl who was enabled by her mother to do whatever she wanted w/no consequences, I've seen 3 lives almost destroyed by this, including hers. We all have differing views on things and I've never been a parent, but I have seen that enabling someone like this is destructive and not helpful.
You may also find more of what I posted earlier from 1 Timothy 5 as informative:
No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.
As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.
If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need.